Blurred Sides (COMPLETE)

7.12.1

"Absolutely not!"

The Council and many Jedi Knights were preparing to go to the gala for the Senate, and everyone was excited about something to distract them. Everyone except Anakin, who apparently was not allowed to attend!

"The Council needs someone to watch over the Temple, Anakin," Obi-Wan insisted. "We can't be there to respond if there are any emergencies."

"Master Luminara is already going to be here with Master Ti, why can't she be a first responder?" Anakin was furious. Chancellor Palpatine was supposed to put in a special request for him to be there, so why wasn't the Council letting him go? (Perhaps because Palpatine had recommended the opposite? But who needed to know that anyway?)

"Master Unduli needs to make sure that Master Ti is safe, she can't leave her side."

"Even Padawans are going!"

"Only the Padawans whose masters are also going. Don't worry, it's just a party."

"Yes. Padawans whose masters are also going," Anakin muttered under his breath. Obi-Wan hadn't been facing him, so he didn't see the dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Quit your complaining, Anakin. Just hold down the Temple until the evening passes. It won't be that hard."

"Whatever," Anakin stormed off and went up to the roof. He didn't want to talk to Obi-Wan or anyone else.

He watched the parade of Jedi walk down the steps, the same steps that Ahsoka had walked down one year ago. From so high up it looked like a sea of browns, topped with the heads of the Jedi Council, almost all of the Knights, and several Padawans. Anakin watched them long after he couldn't see them, seething even though none of them were there to see it.

They don't trust me, he thought. They don't think I can handle it.

Of course, they don't. They didn't trust you, or her. Not enough to help her. Trust? When have they ever trusted you?

I just wanted to go to protect Padmé, protect the Chancellor. Is that too impossible? Is it wrong to help people? Can I not be trusted with that?

They think you're too reckless, they think it's not worth it. They thought SHE wasn't worth it.

They never do! To them, she was just another Padawan. She was expendable. They didn't value her.

How dare they turn her away.

All of these thoughts and more flooded into his mind. There was no shutting them out, no turning them away. As the sun crossed the sky, Anakin kept to himself, his emotion and anger festering inside him. He stayed on the roof for a long time, long enough to hear the music start from the hotel downtown. The gala had begun.

Without him.

He looked back at the stairs, wishing now more than ever that Ahsoka would walk up them. If he couldn't see Padmé and the Chancellor was busy at the gala, the least he could do was see her, but no.

He jumped off the roof and stood on the steps. If he was still long enough he could pretend that the past year hadn't happened, that Ahsoka was still inside the Temple. Yet when he opened his eyes, the image of her back was seared into his eyes. Anakin couldn't see anything but her walking away. His failure etched into a single image. First, it was his mother's dead body hanging limp in his arms, and now it was Ahsoka walking away. The people he cared about and wanted to protect were leaving him.

Anakin walked back into the Temple, unable to stand out there any longer. He walked through the silent halls that held the quarters of the Padawans. He sat outside the door Ahsoka used to sleep behind, but now was inhabited by another Padawan. It was as close as he could get to her now.