Adopted by Tyler Joseph

23: Punishment

I woke up, hearing the echo from my dream in my head, over and over again.

"Good morning Mars!" Jenna said as she kissed my head.

"How you feelin'?" She asked.

"Not great..."

"Are you feeling well enough to go out for a few hours?"

I sighed.

"Not really...I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize! Just thought I'd ask because Debby, Josh's fiance, will be going out to explore the town with me. Tyler and Josh are working on rehersals. But if you'd like to stay here's the number for room service, here is the TV remote, and here's my number." She gave me a pitiful look.

"Thanks mom, I'll get lots of rest, don't worry too much about me. I love you."

She gave me another kiss on the head.

"I love you too sweet cheeks."

She left and I was in the hotel room alone. I looked at the clock and it was about 10:30, which left a lot of time, maybe too much time for thinking.

I grabbed my phone and began scrolling through my social media. I saw photos of old friends going out, and photos of my old bullies being happy and having a good time.

No one needs me...no one would miss me really. My "friends" are just fine without me, they probably have forgotten about me by now. They moved on and found someone better. They don't miss me.

And my bullies...how come THEY get to be happy and I don't? Even with what I have I'm not happy and I hate it. I feel bad for it...

Then I thought back to the nightmare I had

Punish yourself.
Trash.
Replacable.
Disposable.
Unlovable.
Worthless.
Loser.
Lame.
Idiot.
Fuck up.
Mistake.
Punish yourself.

I couldn't handle the thoughts anymore. I stood up and paced around and around. I had to make a decision, and I had to do it fast. I can't make up my mind, but then Jenna called.

"Hello?"

"Hi honey! Just thought I'd check up on you. How ya feelin'?" She sounded so chirpy...did I really want to ruin her mood?

But I need to stay strong for my family...

"I-I'm okay I guess. But I'm having urges pretty badly..."

"You don't have anything to do it with though, right?"

I lied.
"Right, but if they get bad enough I'd probably use just about anything."

I could hear her sigh on the other end and my heart shattered.
Am I annoying her?

"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't said anything."

"No no! It's okay, I was just sighed because It makes me sad that you're sad."

I began to cry. This is all my fault.
"I-I'm s-sorry."

"No baby theres nothing to be sorry for, I just want you to be happy, but I'm so happy that you called okay? I'm really proud of you. How about Debby comes over and we all hang out for a bit, yeah?"

I nodded, then realized she couldn't see me.
"...yeah."

"Okay, we'll be there in 10, I love you Mars!"

"Love you too."

When she arrived, a tall bunny-faced brunette walked in with black heels, black shorts, a white shirt and a sun hat.

"We're here! This is Debbie, you can call her aunt Deb."

She said hello and made herself comfortable. We made small talk, but she was really sweet and funny. Mom, aunt Deb and I all decided to play some 3-way war which took over an hour to complete! Aunt Deb won and we playfully wrestled around with her. We caught our breaths from laughing and laid on the beds in silence. Jenna sat against the wall with Aunt Deb on one bed and I sat up on the side of the other bed to face them.

"Mars? What's on your mind?" Jenna asked.

I thought about it for a moment. Tell the truth? Lie? Sugar coat it?

"Well, I just...I dont know. Seeing the people who I used to love forget about me so easily, and seeing the ones who hurt me so much be happy just kind of...sucks I guess. I'm grateful for what I have and I feel bad that I haven't done anything to earn it. I feel even worse that I'm still unhappy with myself because I shouldn't be, what is there to be unhappy about? I dont know. I just wish I wasn't so disposable to people. I wish I was something they'd miss or something that they would be torn without like I am with them."

I sighed.

That was a lot. And the looks on their faces proved that point.

"Oh dear...I'm so sorry. But know that you do have people who would miss you. Jenna, me, Tyler and Josh. Their families would miss you too! We'd all be torn knowing that you're gone and we didn't do enough to keep you alive."
Aunt Deb said.

At this point years were streaming down my face, and we had a group hug.