A Heart of Stone with a Coat of Gold

Bent and Broken

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The present

Meera looked at Anu, and she could see a glint of hope in her eyes. "How is Neel? Is he happy? Has he talked to you? Does he smile?" A strange set of questions. All uttered in a single breath, the eagerness evident from Meera's voice.

Anu was puzzled. "I think you already know the answers," she answered the woman and looked away. 

Meera's face fell down. As Anu witnessed the transition on the old lady's face, from hope to hopelessness, she felt pity for her.

"Mom, was he always like this?" Anu finally asked.

As the old woman tried to remember, her memory has been fading, her face perked up. "No Anu. You should have seen him when he was small. Well I guess, you couldn't, you weren't even born then." Anu couldn't help but smile at the ramblings of the genial old woman. She continued, "He was my first-born. When I saw him goggling at me with his blue eyes, I couldn't believe that I had created this miracle. The shine in them gave me new hope, from my despair. I named him Neel, for the same eyes that gave me a purpose."

"Since he was little, he used to smile, and that made me smile. And he used to cry a lot. But rarely for himself. He used to cry for others. For me." The old woman's face turned a bit fearful.

Anu clasped the woman's trembling hands. It calmed her a bit. "You see in my days when once a woman left her house for her in-laws she rarely came back ever. Her new home was her only home.  I was from a small family. I never studied much. Then I married Neel's father " She took a deep breath. "My husband was in the army. He was a strict man. And he could never accept me, a woman so beneath him to be his wife. The fights were horrible. But my husband never hit me. Ever. He was a chivalrous man, in his own eyes. He just shouted and called me names. I  was at his beck-and-call for the whole day. At night I used to cry. And Neel used to cry with me."

"Then what happened?" Anu whispered, her voice low. It was hard for her to digest and imagine, her stoic old husband, ever being able to laugh or cry freely. It seemed imaginary, not within the realms of possibility.

"I don't know. I can only guess. Maybe his father broke him. He was always very disappointed in Neel. Because Neel didn't clear the army entrance exams. Or maybe because he wasn't as hard-hearted like he was, not a man like he was. " The woman sobbed and continued, "Slowly and slowly, he changed. I never noticed when he stopped smiling. But I noticed when he stopped crying."

"One day I was all alone. My husband had done the usual. I tried to smile and wipe my tears when he came. There he stood. It was the first time I noticed. The shine in his eyes was gone. He was trying to cry but the tears won't come out. I asked him. But he never answered " Tears started rolling down the woman's cheek.

"Anu you once asked me where I had met you. You probably don't remember. I had gone to meet Raghu. There you were with him. He had picked you from school and was scolding you for picking up a fight at school. You said, "He made my friend cry, I can't see others cry".  I don't know why but the memory just struck. When I heard your mother was searching for a groom for you, I just thought maybe, just maybe..." Her voice trailed off.

" Shruti was a lovely woman. She loved Neel from all her heart, but she was weak like I am weak. Yes, I am weak.  People may think I am an evil woman. For making you marry my son. Yes, it is a despicable act. A weak woman's act." The old woman wiped tears from her face. Her face was grave as he continued." Anu, you are strong. I knew it that day when I first saw you. And when you met me months ago, I felt a glimmer of hope."

She was pleading as she said," Anu, the boy who once played on the cherry blossom trees, is still inside him. He's just lost. And he's crying Anu. My boy is crying."