A Heart of Stone with a Coat of Gold

A Breach in the Fortress - Part 2

She got up and took a seat right beside him on the sofa, scooting near him. She hesitated for a moment. Then she reached out and clasped his palm with both her own, sandwiching it between them. The hand which was not holding the cigarette, the one which had been trembling, and the one which he had placed on his knees in a vain attempt to stop the shaking.

She jolted as their skin met. His hand was surprisingly cold. Rough calloused skin with thin blue veins sprawled like a leaf between his knuckles. A stark contrast to her own soft smooth glistening one. Still, she pressed her palms gently on his. He looked at her intently with surprise, trying to measure her intentions. She had never touched him, at least not on purpose.

"Neel, you said you want to move forward. How can we move forward when the past is holding you back? Reema, when she came back today, she seemed happy. And for once, after a very long time, I myself am trying to move forward in my life. I am trying to forget whatever happened in the past.

And you have Aryan, your own flesh and blood. The only child who smiles even when his father doesn't. Have you seen how he looks at you? He loves you, Neel. Look at what we have now. It is not perfect. Still, it is a lot.

But all you do is keep staring back. I'm afraid, Neel. That like what happened with Shruti, it will happen to us too."

The lines started to harden on his face, and the agitation in his voice was palpable. For Anu this was a positive sign; he was betraying his emotions, even if it was only his frustration.

"You think I don't know that. It may not seem like it, but I am trying my hardest Anu. Do you think it is easy? Being the man of the house. Working and then taking care of both my son and your sister at the same time. Trying to maintain this sham marriage while still trying to do good by you? What more can I do, tell me Anu?"

He took a deep breath and went on.

"Shruti said something similar once. I fulfil every responsibility without a word of complaint. I don't get what you women want. Mom. You. Even Shruti.

What more could I have done for her?"

Anu could sense the regret amalgamated in his words. In reply, she gave a simple sad smile, even overlooking the criticism on her gender. There were much more important things to talk about right then. "You gave the answer yourself Neel. You can complain to us. Talk to us. Laugh with us and cry with us too. That's how people live. That's how bonds are made in this world, Neel. By revealing ourselves to another. By baring our souls. I think that's all Shruti ever wanted. To form a bond. That's all we want. But you are simply too blind to see it."

Neel gritted his teeth. His voice rose. " You are wrong. That's just bullshit. All of it. " He jerked his hand free from her grasp. "Life is neither about being happy or sad. Hopes and dreams, they mean nothing to me. Life is just surviving, Anu. Just like every living thing out there.

You think I could have survived if I had believed that crap? I made it so far because I didn't cry. Rather I made myself a man. I endured and won. I became a man way bigger than my father ever was. "

The conviction in his voice startled her. And for a moment Anu felt unsure. What if Neel's way of life was the right one simply because there had been no other choice. After what happened to him, could she blame him? She might have turned out the same if she had in his place- trading all her emotions just to survive the horrific ordeal.

Doubts crept in her mind. She turned her gaze away thinking hard. Her eyes roamed around wildly trying to grasp the answer to the conundrum. Thankfully, they stuck to a door. The study door which was ajar, just a mere few inches. Where she could spot Reema bent over the table. her textbooks spread before her.

A warmth rose in her. She had found her answer.

Any way of life that would make her lose her bond with Reema couldn't be the right one. Her brother's face flashed before her eyes. The moments they shared, their joys and sorrow couldn't have partaken if she had been like Neel. She could never trade that for anything, not even for survival.

No, Neel was wrong. He sure was. And she was going to show him that.

"Neel you say survival is everything. Then look into my eyes and tell me, that you would be fine if Aryan grew up and turned out to be the same as you. That you would never ever wish that he be happy unlike you. "

Neel was sure taken aback. Bringing his son into the discussion sure was dirty. Anu knew that but she was willing to do it. Neel turned silent. His eyes fell and he stared at the ground, at his boots, at his past.

After what seemed like ages, he spoke, with just a trace of hesitation, one that was almost indiscernible, "No. I would never wish that he has to face what I did. But still, if he grows up like me, I won't regret it. If he could be strong and no matter, whatever happens, if he could withstand it like a rock, I would take it gladly. Don't you think such strength is admirable Anu?"

Anu couldn't believe him. At that moment, he truly disgusted her. To wish his wretched existence for his own son, she couldn't bear it. She had been patient up to the moment, but not anymore.

She scoffed, "But he would be without any joy or life Neel. Have you ever been truly happy? Do you wish the same for him?"

For once, Neel didn't mirror her indignation. On the contrary, his tone was quiet, yet sharp.

"I didn't ask for pity from you Anu. Or from anyone. I don't need it. Because I can bear anything. I am strong. Unlike you, I don't cry when misfortune knocks on my door. Rather I fight it back. I make it kneel in front of me. 

That's the promise I made to myself on that day. I saw the cherry blossom tree. Even when all the leaves had fallen, still it stood strong against the wind, bare still strong. I was going to be strong like that tree. I was going to be a man."

He looked up and met her eyes. As she saw the scorching heat in the blue eyes, she realised, the wall, his defences were back up. The old Neel was back. He gave her a menacing smile, so unlike himself, but it sent a shiver up Anu's spine

"You want to know about me. So I will tell you something about my past. You ask if I have ever been happy. Yes, I was, the day I saw that wretched man die. What a sight it was! To see him as he lay dying, begging. It soothed my soul, Anu.

And for once I was truly happy."

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Note - Dear Readers, I would appreciate if you could share a few of your precious moments and share your thoughts. We now know a lot about Neel and his past.
What do you feel about him?
Do you think his way of life is the correct one? Or is Anu in the right here?