A Heart of Stone with a Coat of Gold

Whispers of the Heart

It was a fine Tuesday morning. The temperature was mild. There was absolute silence. No one was home, Reema being at school, Aryan in the nursery and Neel in his office. It was a perfect day to study. Still, she could not.

Anu had the books opened on the table, but instead of the words, she stared blankly at the air, a different picture playing in her mind. Try as she might, she could not remove the image of Neel's scars from her head. The man, her husband, who she should know all about, but in truth, she barely knew. 

The past few months replayed in her mind over and over like a broken record, the faraway voices echoing, like atop a mountain.

 Meera's plea, "He's lost. My boy's lost." 

Shruti's letter, "I just cannot love a guy with a heart of stone anymore. Even, and even, if the heart has a coat of gold."

And then Neel's words, "I am a Thief." , "Love, its a word I knew the meaning of once." , "I am the man of the house."

Neel, her husband, yet an enigma to her. His myriad faces that she had seen over time. The man of the house. The stone. The facade. And yet, the forlorn. 

And then there were his eyes. Deep, blue and solemn, like a rugged sapphire. The only part of the man's existence that told Anu he was still alive, a part of him still felt, still hurt, and still wanted to smile. But he could not. Why?

When she had married him, it had been simple. He was older and richer, and she was his trophy wife. Their roles were well defined. She had been so sure. Back then, she had been convinced she would never be able to love him. She would maybe smile at him, share a bed with him, but in her heart, she knew, it would not be love. That place was for only and only Nikhil. Still, she had a tiny glimmer of hope that she would be able to accept her new husband, whoever he was, and find some trace of warmth, solace or hope in him.

The truth was a bit contrary to her expectations. The man did not force her. He did not make her do his housework. She was not his child's caretaker. In his own way, he maybe even cared for her. But still, she wasn't able to accept him. Her heart was not at rest; it was not at peace. The heart wanted something else before she could even try to move on with him.

And she knew what it was. 

She could not see someone cry. She never had been. And in some distant corner of her heart, she knew Neel was crying. His eyes told her so. It told the world. The blue was trying to say something to everyone. The melancholy, the pathos, the desperation in his eyes, all were singing a psalm to the world, a solemn psalm that was muffled.  A far cry, that no one was ready to listen.

But she was now. And she was going to find out why.

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For the next half hour or so, Anu took out a piece of paper and jotted out the facts, whatever she knew about Neel. The final result was something like - 

· Cigarettes

· Tea

· Violin - Childhood Hobby

·  Man of the House

· Withdrawn Nature

· Letters.

· Old Books

· Scars(Childhood)?

· Insecurity?

· Paper Cut?

· Meera - Mother

· Aryan - Son

· Shruti - First wife - childhood friend

· Neel's dad-?

She tried to decipher the meaning of her handiwork. There must be some hidden hint. Some link joining all the points to form the man her husband was, like the small 'connect the dots' game she used to play as a kid. 

But even after a very long while, all she had in her hand was the same sheet, with the same questions still playing musical chairs in her head.

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As they sat and had dinner in peace, Neel cleared his throat and made an announcement. "As you know, Nishant and Natasha invited us for dinner the other night. Well, they had a purpose in mind." He paused, his eyes boring deep into Anu's as he tried to gauge her reaction. "They are offering me the home back." 

Reema's eyes shone with excitement as she heard the news. "Really, that big house is ours?". Neel merely nodded. His face, however, showed disappointment seeing the unenthusiastic response on Anu's face. She only eyes him impassively and asked, "Why?"

Neel's voice although low, couldn't hide the annoyment," Well, it has been years now. Nishant has paid all his debts and is doing pretty well with his firm. So they decided to move on finally; he has already bought a new house. So he asked me, albeit with a bit of hesitation, and I accepted."

When Reema left the room with her plate, Neel finally asked, "Aren't you happy?  The house was getting too cramped already.  But don't worry, we will only shift after your exams next week. "  Anu merely nodded. He, however, lost in his own tune, continued, "Reema can have her own room. The house has a big yard where the kids can play. I finally get a bed again. All will be happy. "

He eyed her cautiously as he spoke further, lighting a cigarette in the meanwhile "The house has a few other rooms too. You know, if we have kids in the future."  Anu turned red. Neel did not notice, he casually blew a puff of smoke straight at her face. 

That was the tipping point. Anu stormed to her bedroom and banged the door shut with all the passion she had.

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Anu fumed. She was furious with Neel, and the sad truth was, knowing Neel, she was half-sure he was unaware of why she was angry. 

She took out a paper tucked under the mattress. She had hastily hidden it when Neel had come back from office in the evening. As she eyed it, her mind was still working. Who could tell her more about Neel? Meera had told whatever she could, and seeing her memory was fading she was not sure how reliable a narrator she was. Shruti and his dad were dead. Her options had run out already. 

Then it struck her. She had forgotten one name. A man she had met briefly during her trip to Neel's home. 

His younger brother. Dhruv. She would talk to him, she decided. Maybe he had the answers she was searching for.

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So folks, what are your thoughts about Neel? Is he a good man or is just a plain old narcissist?