A Heart of Stone with a Coat of Gold

Love and Care

Anu rapped her knuckles on the door. No response.

She bit her lip. Since moving into the new house, Neel had made it a habit to work in the study rather than in the living room. That meant she saw less and less of him after office, both of them allotted his or her own peace in this big house. But that also meant she had to disturb him once in a while for some mundane things, and she hated to do it. The only saving grace was that he was always quick to answer. He would grunt or call out, and then the person could enter, greeted by the sight of the VP engrossed on his laptop, or discussing office work on a call. That was the usual scenario.

Not today. She knocked one more time, before finally turning the knob. Thankfully, it was unlocked and she stepped in, to witness a different scene than expected. Her husband was slumped in his tall wooden armchair, his eyelids pulled down tightly and his mouth half-open as he dozed off, a pair of earphones dangling over his shoulders. The sound of light snores filled the quaint room with a tranquil rhythm.

Anu made her way to the chair across him with muffled steps, just in case whatever he had been listening to was paused. After sitting, she took a deep breath, taking in the sleeping countenance of her husband. At the moment, there was a gentle quality to his visage one rarely noticed. One that was easily masked behind either a frown, or a grimace, or the myriad other expressions of displeasure her husband was an expert at portraying when his eyes were open. But right now, it was just his slight nodding of his head, the light wheezing of his breaths, and the tired lines of his face; things about him that were tranquil, soothing, calming.

He was exhausted. An ache in his legs from the long day at the office. Weary were his shoulders from caring for his son when he came back. Tired was his spirit from seeing the well-being of his wife and her ward. And battered was his heart from the wears and tears of life.

He looked so drained, worn-out and beat down; yet, he had a semblance of sanguine on his face.

As she gazed further, all of a sudden, a realisation hit her. Like a bolt of lightning from the heavens.

She respected him.

The thought was preposterous. He condescended her constantly. He was a narcissist. A misogynist. Arrogant and vain. One who thought of money over people. One who thought of himself over others.

Yet, she respected him for a simple reason- because he cared. His letter today was the answer. He maintained a facade, a mask. Still, he cared for her, his wife. For Reema and Aryan. For his mother and brother. He cared for all of them.

A discussion came rushing back to her, one that she had with Nikhil, a long time ago. As the boyish face that had once smitten her flashed in her mind, she couldn't help but feel the hurt.

The pang of her first love. And the agony of that lost love.

They had met in the library. He was the shy quiet nerd of the class. She was the feisty good girl. Met through friends, soon started hanging out. Both were unsure, but had agreed to go to a movie as 'just friends.'. How stupid they were!

Nikhil had selected the movie. A tragedy. He loved tragedies. Maybe that was the reason their love became the same thing he was so infatuated with.

The date had been a disaster. The movie had been about 2 lovers, who meet, fall in love, marry but soon their marriage collapses as realities meet expectations. Anu had burst out in tears in the end, and Nikhil unable to think clearly had nonchalantly offered her popcorns with a grin. Anu cringed as she remembered, she had been so naïve back then.

After the movie, they had decided to walk in a park for a while. They went on silently, as she walked waited for the dork to make a move. As the world says, the boy should be the one. But he didn't.

Finally, she had run out of patience. She liked him. He liked her. Why should she wait for him? "Marriages don't end successfully always, do they?" She had placed her first pawn.

"No, they don't."

"Say, just hypothetically, if you had to choose one girl in our college to marry, who would be it?" She had asked with a sly smile. The table was set. Bubbles rose in her stomach, she was almost on her toes as she imagined, his reply, "It would be you." Movies do make girls stupid.

He had simply shrugged. "I guess no one."

The sky had come shattering down, and the earth had split open. "Why? Don't you love anyone in our college?"

He had gazed in her eyes and noticed the hurt in them. His hand moved automatically and grasped her fingers gently, a gesture that had made Anu's heart flutter. "That's not it." He sounded hesitant as he had averted his eyes. "I said that because I believe love is not the basis of a successful marriage Anu."

Seeing her confusing, he had continued walking, as they resumed their walk, still holding hands. Anu had been feeling so warm then. "Look Anu, you may think I'm nuts but my view on marriage is a bit different. Idealistic, old-fashioned. And this is my view. So, I may be wrong. After all, I'm no great philosopher."

"Elaborate." She had answered automatically without much interest. She was more interested in him holding her hand. She just wished he would not let go.

He gave out a deep sigh as if he was uncomfortable saying it aloud. But when he spoke, his voice had conviction. He truly believed what he was saying.

"Anu, I believe for marriage, what is most important is not love. Else half the marriages in India, that are arranged, would fail. So, love cannot be the determining factor here.

Love for me is a passion. It is burning, like a fire. You crave it, you search for it. And when you find it, it satiates you for a while. At the start, it is blinding. You are dazzled by the sparks that fly when you are young, and fresh like the morning dew. And that's why people don't see it, it's all-consuming. 

But love can also be fleeting, fickle, evanescent, momentary. The passion you once felt for that someone may wane. The love you once felt for that someone may fade.

And when it leaves you, you feel a void for that someone. There's nothing left, just a gaping pit. An apathy." 

He had stopped walking and turned towards her; his stare boring deep into her. Behind those eyes, she witnessed an earnestness, an honesty that she hadn't seen in any other man.

"How I see it, what you need in life, in marriage, more than love is care. If love is fire, care is like a piece of coal.

A black piece of stone that doesn't attract you. It is simpler than fire, it just stays there all the time. But what it does is assure you, that when the time comes and you need it, it will burn for you.

Care enough and it may turn to love. But the opposite is not always true." He had completed his monologue and turned his gaze away.

Later he had told her, in that instant he had been so embarrassed, that he had feared he was done for. That his plans for all further dates would never come to be. What he hadn't realized, is that at the moment Anu had fallen head over heels for him. 

They had gone on many other dates. Their innocent youth had built fantasies, castles of sand, that had been blown away by the first wind.

Anu and Nikhil had it all. Love. Passion. Care. Yet they didn't have one thing. The thing that Nikhil had forgotten to factor in.

It was fate.

That same fate, she mused jolting back to reality, had made her cross paths with this other man, one who was so different from Nikhil. He didn't love her like Nikhil. Yet like him, he cared for her. 

And if Nikhil was right, maybe that was enough for now.

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