zentropy | mileven.

¹⁶⁾ black sheep

[MAX POV.]

❝ hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when ! ❞

━ CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

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IT CAN be difficult sometimes to understand the actions of another person, and the intent they carry behind it.

when I first started to date mike wheeler for the second time around, the immediate reaction that I received was shock and hatred from my supposed friends. what was so wrong if two people both thought that they should be together? wasn't that the premise of being in a relationship?

those friends had never considered my feelings. those friends couldn't be bothered to, because all anyone cares about is jane and mike. jane and mike.

"what's wrong with you? you know that they're practically meant for each other!"
"we all know how jane feels about mike- why would you do this to her?"
"we don't care how mike feels about you, he doesn't know what he's thinking!"

none of them cared. will stopped talking to me. dustin- who used to be the guy I could talk to about everything- shut me out completely.

the only one who stuck around was lucas.

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I lay on my back with my hair sprawled out against the soft snowy pillow, inhaling deeply as my eyes lie shut and secure. the world around me seemed to be spinning, but not in the way I was used to. usually when rooms spun around me it was due to the alcohol I'd ingested, or the anger that had pounded loudly in my head- but this was different. this was the kind of spinning where it was more like a dream- a good one, not a nightmare. it was like everything was just how it should be, and the blurs and lenses of the world unraveled around my being, the bliss that encased my body and the soft sheets against my skin seemed to bleed throughout the atmosphere and became apart of me. I was almost dizzy with happiness, for ecstasy just continued to blossom from my chest with what seemed like no possible halt.

with my eyes still shut closed, I heard the distinctive clack of bare feet against a wooden floor, and a small grin overtook my lips. "back already?" i whispered cheerily, the dizzy happy feeling continuing to weave in and out of each nerve and bone in my body.

his laugh, though small and breathy, seemed to fill the room, as he sat back down on the bed beside me and propped his chin up on his palm.

I loved the way he looked at me.

it was like somehow, I was the sun amongst every other star he'd ever seen in his life. that he knew that I was something special-something worth it. of course, I knew more than any one that I wasn't, but he somehow found a way to break down the walls id spent years slabbing brick upon brick of distrust and closed minds to, and he found a way to make himself at home.

I loved him.

and so I told him.

at first, those dark eyes widened with what seemed like a concoction of shock and confusion. and then slowly...they softened, and the corners of his mouth seemed to be fighting to remain calm as a smile erupted onto the center of his face. this just made my stomach fill up with butterflies, flapping around and causing all of the nerves to go loose.

"you know how I feel," he muttered under his breath, a sense of joy coating each word. I nodded at this with my own cheeky smile tattered onto my lips, and I sat up and moved beside him on the bed, and carefully rested my head over his broad shoulder, my red hair floating down the front of his chest like fire.

"so why say it now? after all this time?"

I thought about it for a moment. I suppose I'd always known, but just couldn't figure it out soon enough. that seemed to be the way every realization of love worked.

"because I know it. for real this time," was all I could think to say. he turned to me in shock, eyes wide but happiness still dipped into his reaction.
"are you sure it's not like the other times?" he wondered aloud, his hand reaching towards my own, our fingers magically intertwining without a second thought.
I shook my head against his shoulder. "of course not."

"the other times I didn't know how I was feeling. I thought-I needed to love someone just so I could love someone, you know? like I needed to date someone because I wanted to be in a relationship, not because I was in love. I don't think I've ever been before now."

he smiled to himself at this, his grip on my hand tightening.
"so what makes me so special, mayfield?"
I chuckled quietly, and got up from resting my head against him to turning to him. slowly, my hands cupped the sides of his face and I leaned into a soft kiss, feeling his smile up against my own as both of the butterflies flying free in our stomachs flattered their wings quicker.

"you stayed. you saw me- really saw me, sinclair."

"I always have," he shrugged casually, brushing a piece of fallen red behind my ear. I grinned, my cheeks growing hot and pink.
"so what, you love me," he sarcastically judged, making my head spin, "you're still with wheeler."

I let out a deep breath.
"yeah."

"and?" he questioned, "does officially loving me change that? finally?"
"you know I've tried- I just don't know how. it's been so long- I think he really thinks we're something serious. something that plays it all the way to the end."
"you can't blame him, it's been a long time. are you finally gonna have the guts to tell him, then?" lucas's words hit me like bricks. I was a coward. and I knew it.
"I'm scared," was all I could let out, "but I'll try. I promise I'll try."

he exhaled sharply and shook his head, giving off the sense that he knew I wasn't grave enough to do it. I love mike- as a friend. all the sex, the making out, the ranting- he was like my vent punching bag. if I had something building up inside of me, I'd take it out on him. and I hated myself for it.

I wanted to be with lucas- why couldn't I be with lucas? why couldn't I leave wheeler alone in the dust? I'd tried before- but he gained those feelings back and so did I. in a way, it was like I was keeping him all to myself. wheeler was something that I had that nobody else could- and that made me feel...satisfied. whole. I couldn't let that go- I couldn't just give up the one person who i had put through hell and back and who still stayed. those kinds of people were valuable.

and then lucas came along in that whole new light. and that one night I saw him in that way I never had before- and everything changed. everything.

"stop looking at me like that," I whined, pouting at those dark obsidian dimes.
"just promise me you'll try," he restated, this time less jokingly and more insistent.

"I'll try. I promise."

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hello its been a while!! finals (midterms) are finally over so I can finally get to updating. sorry this chapter was so short and so filler and written so poorly, I wrote most of it at 2am in between breaks of studying lol, but enjoy some badly written filler lumax fluff.

the real drama is soon to come!! thank you for all the votes and comments and follows ♡♡ I'll be updating weekly again starting now.

also check out my new book apathy if you haven't (fillie au) which I'll update weekly too!!

much love,
-sonorabee (cyn ᴗ̈)