My Last Wish

I still love you

I got on the motorcycle and I saw Austin mad but sad. I felt guilty for leaving him without an explanation on who is Johnny and it's my fault for not telling him. I was about to get off and tell him I'm sorry but then " Hold on tight" Johnny said starting the engine. 

I grabbed him by the waist and we left. I couldn't stop thinking about the stupid fight I just had with Austin. On our way to who knows where, I started to remember long rides with him and I missed this feeling, feeling free. Why though, I should be mad right now? why am I not mad? 

We stopped at a red light and I asked where he was taking me. "You'll see " He said turning back to look at me. I mean I assumed he was taking me to the beach because 1. we are close the beach and 2. thats were we had our first date. and I was right he is taking me to the beach but why? He parked and I got off the motorcycle. I stayed silent to see if he would speak first, and then we walk closer to the beach. We were just walking in dead silent and he sees a man selling ice cream and he asks "Do you want ice cream" as we got close to where the man was. 

"Yeah sure" I said cause I mean by right now I should be eating. "Can I have one ice cream sandwich and a coconut lollipop ice cream" Johny tells the man. He gives Johnny the ice creams and pays. I was surprised he still knew my favorite ice cream. 

I was tired of the silent so I had to ask "Why did you bring me here" as we were walking and enjoying my ice cream. "I thought we could talk" He said. 

"Talk about what" I asked confused because I mean there really isn't anything we could talk about or maybe we could talk about how he just showed up without even telling me. "Talk about us" He said. Did he really say about us. 

"Us, there is no US since the day you left" I said feeling the emotions coming out. The emotions I haven't let out since no one really knew we were dating and I couldn't talk to no one or be in bed all day just eating chocolate ice cream while watching  sad romantic movie with Wes. "Because you decided to break up with me" he said making me boil up of anger.

"Okay, yeah I was the one who ended things, but you didn't do anything to keep it. And the reason why I broke up with you was because I knew how much you wanted be in the air force and I didn't want to be the reason why you wouldn't follow you dreams" I said as tears came down. I hate how I have to cry when I'm mad and with all of these mix emotions.

"I'm sorry I didn't fight for us. I'm really sorry Zaylen. But the reason I didn't fight for us is because you said you didn't have feelings towards me" he said standing in front of me so we can stop walking.

"Well I lied. And you know it's been so fucken hard to get over these feelings. And if you want me to be honest with you... I will regret this.... I still have feelings for you" I said. In a brink of an eye...  we were kissing. It felt right, but Austin crossed my mind and pushes him away. "I can't do this" I said.

"Why, we both love...." he said but I interrupted him. "But we broke up already and I started a new life with Austin" I said stopping him from finishing his sentence. I can't believe I let this happen. Austin doesn't deserve this or me.

"I'm sorry Johnathan, but can you take me back home" I asked.

○○○

"Hey mom, I'm back home" I said as I places the house keys by the table close my the door.

"Mom isn't here right now, I believe dad and mom went to go eat" Ronnie said eating a sandwich.

"Do you know what place" I asked cause usually  mom tells us where they go. "I don't know, they just left us a note they will be home by Sunday morning" she said showing me the notes that was left at the table. "But didn't they just went to go eat" I ask since they will be home on Sunday. "I know, they probably wanted an alone time" Ronnie said.

"Hey sisters, where is mom and dad" Matthew said entering the house. "Ohh they said they are going out to eat and will be back by Sunday" I said. "Ohh alright. So I heard Brandon' s little sister, Lesly is throwing a party today, wanna come??" My brother asks me. I wasn't planning on going, but I have to see Austin and apologize. "Yeah I'll eat something and start to get ready" I replied and went up stairs.

I have all of this confusion in my head. I open the door of my room and layed down just looking at the ceiling. I was thinking of Austin, but then also of Johnny. Why is this so hard? I mean I love Austin right?? And I hate Johnny, I hate Johnny. I repeat it, but the more I did, the more I come to realize I love him.

I check the time and holy shit it was 5:00pm. Did I really take an hour thinking about his?? I connected the wand and started to look through my closet to check what I will wear. I curly my hair and did my makeup. Since I wasn't really in the mood, I just did a straight makeup.

And on the outfit, I just did a simple grey tank top and some high waisted black jeans. I mean I might look like an outcast on the outfit because those other girl will be wearing some short dresses and heals while I will be in some tennis shoes. 

"Hey Zayeln, are you ready cause we are going to be late" Matthew said as I walked down stairs. 

"You have to give girls time to change" Ronnie said sitting in the living room. "Also thank you for asking, I'll be staying over at Emily's house"

"When will you be back home" Matthew asked my sister. "Probably by Sunday too" she replied.

"Okay let's go " I said as I saw Johnny next to my brother. 

"How come you aren't dressed up" Matthew asked.

"What do you mean Matthew, I am dressed to go to a party" I reply knowing I'm really not dressed to go to a party. 

"Alright then lets go" he said.