depressed /dɪˈprɛst/ adjective In a state of unhappiness or despondency.
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She I always hated how I never existed in other people's world, but all of that changed in just one second. As if in that one second I realise I want to erase myself from the entire world. Tears are falling down my face, but why? But why don't I feel anything?
I am numb, numb to everything. Emotions and pain, I feel nothing at all. Why does everything feel so surreal as if I am watching a movie. Yet another hand reaches out for my face. Is this all real? Have I been living in my dream for such a long time and now it was time to wake up in the nightmare.
I'm panting. I'm searching for air to breath, yet it feels like I don't need it. I look up seeing no one but darkness. The darkness that had trapped me once again.
"Mom I'm sorry." The voice that pierces my ears, why does it sound so familiar?
"Mom... I really am." It weakly pleads. I try to recognise it, but from where? From where do I hear this sound? Before I could ask myself a question again my head slammed against the floor and the darkness flashed away. I am in my living room. The broken plate on the ground, looking up to this tall woman.
Who is she? What does she want from me? I don't know. I don't know anything. Than I realised it. My lips are the ones who synced with the familiar voice.
"P-please mom." I know it all again. The once loving mom reaches out for my cheek to slap it again.
"I can't believe I ever loved you, that I ever made you. It's disgusting, you're disgusting." She spits out on me. Leaving me. Leaving me once again, but don't worry. I am used to it. This is how my life is. Tomorrow will always come right? If I just pretend everything is normal, everything will be normal.
I have it all in my hands. Just hold it a little longer and I will be released.
❦
Him Pure darkness. Coldness and loneliness. Again I sat alone again in this darkness. My eyes flashing around the darkness to search for an escape, but there was none. I was trapped, trapped once again in my own darkness. I sat down face buried in my knees crying for help, but no one heard it.
Or maybe people could care less. My eyes became teary and soon my vision was blurry, but what was the difference in this darkness? I made this mess, and it was all my fault. The darkness that had surrounded me was my fault once again. If only I-
"Taehyungie." Warm arms wrapped around my body and I felt being lifted up.
"Don't worry hunnybear, soon everything will be over." Her soothing words pierced my ears and I felt secured. Secured in the arms of my own mother. Over her shoulder I saw my dad waving and I ran towards him.
"Eomma! Appa!" I yelled and jumped them in their arms smiling, tearing up from happiness, but instead of falling into their loving arms I fell on my bed. Tears stained on my cheeks I look up.
The darkness that had surround me disappeared, together with my mother and father. In fact, they were never there. This was all the work of my brain playing tricks on me. The coldness and loneliness kicked in once again and I hugged one of my dirty pillows. I closed my eyes and sighed.
If I just keep my head low, and disappear in the ocean of people no one will notice. Everything will be alright, no questions, no friends and no love. You can't miss something you don't have. And who needs love anyway?
I have it all in my hands. Just hold it a little longer and I will be released.
