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She How weird is this? Now she is finally gone I miss her presence. No I don't. I miss the presence of somebody. The loneliness kicking into my feelings, my heart. Those stupid and useless feelings returning to my brain.
For once I thought they were finally gone and that I was released, but I was wrong. Once again. I stood in front of the mirror seeing nothing but a broken girl looking into it with pleading eyes. Bruises all over her milky white skin, eyebags under her eyes. I clenched my fist and turned around roughly. I couldn't look any longer into this mirror. In none of the mirrors. That's why I covered or shattered them. I took a deep sigh and looked at the clock that was ticking too slow.
It was barely 5:00AM and I was wide awake. I was sick and tired of sleeping, more like scared of sleeping. I sat back on her bed and looked around the room.
Suddenly the phone rang. I jumped bumping into the empty dresser next to me.
"Hey shortcake." I froze at the sound ringing in my ears. It wasn't that long ago. Exactly two weeks and a half. He used to call me every day until I stopped picking up the phone.
"H-hoseok?" I asked and I heard him grinning on the other side.
"So at last you decided to pick up the phone?" He joked as I rolled my eyes. It was as if in one second my dream turned back and the colors that were once in my life were returning. I felt a new feeling, no a familiar feeling. I felt happiness, or did I just pretend?
"I'm sorry, my phone subscription got canceled," I smiled.
Lie.
I sat back on the bed, my body slowly sinking in the soft comforter. It smelled like her. I felt shivers running down my spine, her cold breath brushing against my ear.
How long are you gonna pretend he likes you?
My eyes flickered with a mixture of fear and anger as I threw the phone away.
"Naeun?" His voice echoed through the house. My hands were shaking and my breathing was growing heavy and I felt cold sweat all over my body.
"U-uh Hoseok. I uh... I have to go— Mom things... you know," I stuttered forcing out a fake laugh as I hang up the phone.
Again silence filled the room. I sigh as lean against the bed feeling, already missing his voice. I clench my phone in my hand looking at the clock next to me.
5:15AM. I have to get ready for school in two hours.
My phone lights up and I see a text message from Hoseok.
From Hobi Is everything alright? Sorry that I called you this early I hope I didn't get you in trouble See you at school
I smiled at Hoseok's messages. The only messages I've gotten since summer break started.
How pathetic.
I look at the lack of replies from me. A part of me felt bad for leaving Hoseok unanswered, the other part just couldn't find the energy to do it.
I dragged myself into the connected bathroom. Dried blood on my arms. I picked up a bottle filled with rain water as the energy and water were cut off.
I looked towards the covered mirror, flashbacks flashing in front of my eyes.
"You pathetic little bitch!"
"Why did you have to make my life worse?!"
"We were perfectly happy until you came!"
I feel a burning sensation at the back of my head. As if a million knives stabbed into it.
I look around the room through my blurred vision.
"She's gone,"
"She's gone,"
"She's gone," I mumble endlessly to myself. Hoping that at some point my brain would just get it, but nothing worked.
Even though she was gone, she had all power over me. She was engrained in both my mind and my heart.
I sat back up. Catching my breath as I stared into the shattered piece of mirror laying on the bathroom counter.
I just had to pretend and everything will just be like how it was.
