A FAN [Completed]

Chapter 29

Kongpob POV

(Time line: The night of the amusement park trip)

"You are so slow P'.... Can't believe a handsome dude like you can't get the message yet."..... Is what Janeeyah said.

Not that I don't get it... But I simply chose to ignore it. More like I didn't want to be disappointed for assuming things. It is true that P'Arthit has been extra-nice to me lately and all but that doesn't explain it all. I mean, even if I were to assume that he did like me after all.... What does that make us? We can't possibly be together right? We are both men. Moreover I can't be the one who spoils his career.

But even if he did like me.... Am I ready to accept? I can't narrow down my feelings.

There is an unsettling feeling every time I see him. I feel so euphoric whenever we are close to each other. I yearn for every moment with him. I don't know if it's just admiration or something more. But even if it is something more than admiration, will I be able to accept it?

He is simply beautiful. Something so utterly beautiful that I can't reach or touch it. Just watching him by his side make me feel so much. Every action he does and every smile he smiles makes my heart flutter with pleasure. And Lately I have been noticing so much of his habits closely.

Like how lazy he is when he has to get up in the morning. He curses so much in the morning whenever I go over to pick him up or give him a wake up call but later when we meet, he pretends like nothing happened... More so like, he doesn't remember  speaking anything rude. He is so adorable like that. Or like how his eybrows are almost knitted when he is reading something seriously. Or like how focused he is while playing a game and doesn't move at all. Or like how he orders pink milk all the time.

He is so unreal. Which is why I think I don't deserve him. He is too majestic. Something that I can only look at and never cross the line, asking for more. And which is also why I think he wouldn't like me, a man, too low for his standards.

Everything about him is too bad for my heart. Speaking about my heart... Lately it has been very weird. It starts run a mile a minute everytime he is near me and it starts to burn like someone just set my heart on fire when he is near someone else. It's annoying to see him being with someone else. I.... I.... Wanna keep him all to myself.

But I don't know what to feel. I am afraid that I might cross the line and we can never get back to what we were. And how am I going to tell him about the Lie that I had said? That alone is enough to break away our blooming relationship as friends.

"Kongpob! Get a hold of yourself dumbass! You are much of a nuisance already.. Don't hope more."I said to myself.

But whatever I said to myself to keep myself from such thought only backfired and it made me hope more and dream more as to how it would feel to be with him.....more than just a friend.

And this only my first time feeling so much... It's weird to have grown feelings for a man all too suddenly.. Cause I have dated girls before...i don't know what exactly I am feeling. I am not sure if its just a temporary infatuation because my ever growing obsession over him seems to have grown bigger ever since I met him personally. I mean, I have never felt as such for any other man. Had I always felt like this? Like wanting to hold him and kiss him?

No.

I have never ever had such fantasies until I met him. Never. Never did I ever think that I had wanted to be all touchy-Feely with him. I had liked him for his professional works and kind heart. Then why does it feel different now? I mean, I met Mook too, who is one of my favorites....but I don't feel anything as such for her.. But why him? Of all the people? What is this feeling which feels too painful to bear and at the same time, too good to let go? Why does it feel like I am doing everything right? Why does it feel like....it's okay to feel like that?