Winter (A Bucky Barnes recovery story)

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This chapter will contain violence and blood. Please be mindful, Violence and blood are during the italics. Anything after the end of the italics will be safe. The italics are Bucky's dream/memory.

"Mission report." Bucky remains silent. "Mission report." Bucky doesn't reply. "I said mission report" Bucky is slapped, hard. He turns back to look at him. "Target got away." Bucky replies quietly. He looks at Bucky disappointedly. "We know the drill. Take him to the other room and whip him." The guards nod and drag Bucky into the next room. "Next time, you will not fail. Do you understand. You will not fail or the punishment will be worse than this one." He brings the whip down across Bucky's back and he screams. Bucky can feel the wound start to heal then the whip's brought down again, and then again, then another time. He can feel the blood running down his back and puddling beneath him. He can feel each individual lash, each time it opened another. He screams nonstop his throat burning, his arms give out which sends him into the puddle of his blood. The whip is brought down across his stomach and he curls up screaming. Laying there he whimpers as he's yelled at and told to return to his previous position. He's kicked in the side as he fails to obey his order. They go to deliver another blow when they are ordered to stop. "Stand up." Bucky doesn't move. "Stand up!" he yells, Bucky pushes himself up slowly and unsteadily. "Follow." Bucky obeys, following the man into the hallway. His steps are slow and his vision is blurry. "You know what to do." He says, pushing open the door. Bucky walks in and sits down in the seat of the machine. The straps close around his arms and they insert the mouth guard. He leans back exhausted as the machine begins it's process, he screams his throat burning even worse.

He sits up in bed and runs to the bathroom. He barely makes it to the bathroom before he starts retching. Natasha comes in looking worried. "James? James are you okay?" he pukes again and doesn't reply.

Natasha pulls out her phone and calls Steve, rubbing Bucky's back. Steve shows up in less then five minutes. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I heard screaming and then he ran out of his bedroom."

"Bucky? What happened?" Steve asks, Bucky pukes again then puts his head down beside the base of the toilet and pulls his knees up to his chest. Natasha and Steve share worried glances.

"Hey James it's okay. It's okay. We're here for you. You're safe." Natasha whispers, continuing to rub his back.

"Do we want to move him into the other room?" Steve asks, he looks at Nat who nods. "I'm gonna pick you up Bucky." He says, before he picks Bucky up and cradles him in his arms and carries him into the living room. Steve sets him gently on the couch.

"Steve we need a wet cloth, he's running a high fever." Nat says pulling her hand away from Bucky's forehead. She looks at Bucky carefully. He is continuously mumbling things incoherently, his face is paler than usual, and his shirt is drenched with sweat. His breathing is heavy and there's a terrified faraway look in his eyes.

"What do you think happened?" Steve says, handing her the cloth. She puts it on Bucky's forehead.

"I don't know. Maybe it was a nightmare?" Nat suggests, Steve looks at Bucky and sighs. "Get the garbage can." She says as Bucky leans over the couch. Steve runs and grabs the can then bring it back and sets it in front of Bucky just in time. He retches and then coughs, after a while he goes to dry heaving.

"It's okay Buck. It's okay." Steve says, as Natasha rubs Bucky's back. Bucky remains silent, he wasn't sure what to think about what was happening. His vision was fuzzy and his head was pounding. He coughs and heaves again.

Nearly an hour later he reverts to silently muttering incoherent, fearful, words in Russian. "James it's okay. Oh James." Natasha continues to murmur words of comfort.

"Go, get out I'll keep an eye on him. Go get dinner or something I don't know just give yourself a break." Steve says to her, she shakes her head, her red hair escaping her ponytail.

"I'd rather stay here." She replies caressing the side of Bucky's face with her hand. Steve sighs and rubs his face.

"Okay. Fine. How's his fever?"

She looks up at him. "It hasn't broken." Steve nods sadly.

"Natalia..." Bucky murmurs in Russian stretching out and then curling back up again.

"Yes. I'm here James." She replies in Russian.

"What did he say?" Steve asks.

"My name, that's it." She says to him.

"I f-f-failed..." he whines, curling himself tighter than seemingly possible.

"Sh, James it's okay. You didn't fail. You didn't do anything." She replies softly. "He said he failed." She translates for Steve. He nods.

"But th-they... they hurt... hurt m-mm-me." He stutters, pulling his knees even closer into his chest his knuckles going white and his breathing becoming difficult.

"Sh James. You're safe." She whispers to him then turns to Steve and says, "he said they hurt him. Which makes me think it was a memory from Hydra maybe the punishment after a mission he failed?"

Steve rubs his face, "What do we do? Do you think you could talk him into drinking something?"

She shrugs. "I don't know but I can try."

"James. Hey, do you think you would. Drink some water for me?" she asks him, watching as he looked up at her with hollow eyes, looking faraway, lost, and pained. "Please."

Steve passes Natasha a glass of water. Bucky stares at it cautiously before allowing Natasha to give him the water. He reaches for the glass but hands won't stop shaking. "It's fine James. Can you stretch out some. Please?"

He stretches out very slowly pushing his legs away from his chest, "Thank you." She whispers propping his head up. She puts the glass to his mouth and slowly gets him to drink it. When he finishes Steve takes the glass back to the kitchen.

"How are you feeling Buck?" Steve asks praying he would answer in English.

"I'm... I-I'm scared." he whimpers in Russian, curling back up into a ball.

"What did he say?" Steve asks, Natasha rubs small circles on Bucky's right shoulder.

"He said he's scared." She replies then turns and softly says to Bucky, "James it's okay. Your safe. We're here for you." He falls into a fevered sleep, thrashing and whimpering.