Winter (A Bucky Barnes recovery story)

19. Dark

"Its been two days, don't you think he would've woken up at least once by now?" Steve complains, running a hand through his hair.

"Don't know maybe, he's healing normally... Well super soldier-ish normal." Tony replies, continuing to tinker with his suit. Steve drops onto the couch with a huff, he closes his eyes and tries to stop worrying.

"He's awake!" Natasha exclaims bursting through the elevator doors. Steve bolts over to her, while Tony turns off his tool and walks to the elevator. They all get in and go to the 'med-floor' as everyone had begun calling it. Steve rushes from the elevator and to Bucky's side, Nat close on his heel. Tony walks over to Bruce and stands next to him.

"Hey Buck." Steve says, sitting next to him.

"St-Steve?" He asks, a dopey smile on his face.

"Yeah. Its me, I'm here." Steve squeezes his hand gently as if to prove he was there.

"Steve." Bucky repeats himself, he sees Nat and he turns his head slightly to look at her.

"Natalia," he mumbles in Russian.

"Yes James, I'm here." She replies, "Speak English please."

"Oh. Yeah, English." He mutters changing back.

"So how do you feel?" Steve asks. Bucky looks at him slowly and his dopey grin returns, but then disappears and is replaced with a look of confusion.

"I want up." He replies, pulling against the restraints.

"Is that okay Bruce?" Nat asks, trying to get Bucky to relax.

"Yes. Just take it slow." Bruce replies, he and Tony undo the restraints on Bucky's left. Steve and Nat undo the right.

Bucky pushes himself into a sitting position, his feet resting on the floor. He stands unsteadily and Steve stands as well. He takes a step forward and falls, Steve catches him but Bucky pushes him away. He steps forward again and falls once more, being caught by Steve again. He tries to shove Steve away but to no avail.

"Get him back on the bed Steve." Bruce instructs.

"Come on Buck." Steve says helping Bucky up.

"No." He growls staying where he was on the floor.

Everyone watches him quietly, and Steve crouches next to him. "Come on,"

"No." Bucky repeats, folding his arms over his chest.

Steve sighs and picks Bucky up, earning himself several profane names.

"Put me down!" He screeches beating on Steve's back. There's a cracking noise as he brings down his left fist on Steve's back. At this point everyone is trying to restrain Bucky who was screaming and hissing profanities. They manage to get him restrained, though his left arm had already started to destroy its restraints.

"Sir, Barton and Wilson are here." J.A.R.V.I.S. says.

Tony curses, "Bring em up. We can use all the help we can get."

"Yes sir." J.A.R.V.I.S. replies. Bucky screams at them again, his left arm nearly free of the restraints.

"Hey gu-" Clint's cut off as Bucky screams again.

"What happened?!" Sam shouts, both him and Clint try to keep Bucky's metal arm down.

"We tried to get him back on the bed and he turned violent!" Tony shouts back, him and Natasha holding Bucky's right arm down.

Bucky slumps against the bed a hollow look in his eyes. "So dark... dark." He mumbles, he tries to pull his right wrist from the restraint.

"What's going on?" Clint asks, looking at Tony, Nat, Bruce, then Steve.

"Its most likely psychological, but I really don't know what set him off." Bruce says, attending to Steve's broken rib.

"What happened James?" Natasha asks softly.

"Its so dark... I can't escape..." He slumps against the bed again.

"You okay Steve?" Sam asks, walking over to him.

"I'll be fine." Steve replies, watching Bucky silently. Bucky turns to look at Steve, who was slightly behind his head and off to the right.

"I'm sorry," he whimpers, pulling against the restraints and then slumping against the bed once more, refusing to look at his metal arm. "It's just proof. I'm a monster." he whimpers, looking at Steve sadly.

"You're not a monster." Steve says sternly, shaking his head.

"But I hurt you! And I could see it happening but... but I couldn't stop myself." he whines, staring at Steve with a distressed look in his eyes.

"What do you mean you could see it happening but couldn't stop?" Steve asks, suddenly wondering if what had just happened really was Bucky's action.

"I mean, I was there. I could see it happening, but it wasn't like I was there. Like it was me, but not me." He replies, he tries to pull his right wrist from the restraint again.

"That makes no sense." Tony says, from where he stood behind Bruce.

"Yeah it does." Clint says swallowing, the memories of his time possessed by Loki flashing through his head. "It's like consciously your there but you aren't controlling your movements, like your there, but your not."

"Yeah, that's exactly what it's like." Bucky replies, looking at Clint.

"So if it wasn't you per say, then who was it?" Sam asks, trying to figure things out.

"I don't know. But I don't wanna know." Bucky whimpers softly, he was afraid. The darkness was in his head and he knew who it was, or at least how it got there.

"You don't have to worry about it now Buck." Steve says, clutching his side.

"It was Hydra." he whines, "I told you I couldn't escape!" Tears glisten in the corner of his eye.

"Hey, calm down James." Natasha says, holding his hand.

"But you did Bucky. Your here, not at Hydra. Your here, and amongst friends." Steve moves over and sits down next to him. He wanted to tell him Hydra had fallen with S.H.I.E.L.D. Like they originally thought it had but after the attack, who would believe it fell.

"I guess..." Bucky replies hesitantly, again pulling against the restraints. Steve gently undoes the restraint on Bucky's right wrist, leaving the other one on his upper right arm strapped tight. There was a red mark and a slight cut where the restraint had been. Bucky watched as the cut slowly began to pull itself together, the restraint no longer holding it open.

"That, is amazing." Sam says in amazement, watching as the cut disappeared entirely.

Bucky nods, he can't remember how many times he'd make a cut just to watch it heal and he'd never tell either.

"I'm sorry. Again." Bucky says to Steve.

"It's fine Buck. I took that risk by picking you up and besides, it wasn't you." Steve replies, he stares at Bucky and waits until Bucky reluctantly meets his stare. "Understand?"

Bucky, after a period of silence, nods slowly.

A/N: so this story has over 200 reads so thank you all. What do you guys think? I'm so happy people are reading this cause I really love writing it. Thank you all again.

Love, spideymanandloki.