Winter (A Bucky Barnes recovery story)

10. Recovery... Again

For about a week Bucky remained on the couch whimpering in his fevered sleep and retching when he was awake. Either Steve and or Natasha always at his side. At the end of the week he was starting to walk again and he finally stopped speaking in Russian, well when he was reminded he'd stop.

"How are you feeling?" Natasha asks, as he sits on the couch quietly with his knees brought up to his chest and his head between his legs. He looks up at her and shrugs. She sighs at the large maroon shadows under his eyes.

"I've felt better." He catches himself and switches to English halfway through his sentence. Bucky puts his head back down again, quietly he hums a soft tune to himself.

"Do you want something to eat?" Steve asks, in what seemed like his hundredth attempt that day.

"If I say yes will you stop asking?" Bucky replies in Russian again.

"Your speaking Russian again James. Now stop being stubborn and just eat something." Natasha says, he had eaten very little in the week and what they had managed to feed him he mostly just puked up.

"Sorry." He mutters, Steve looks at him again.

"Please. Bucky eat something." Steve begs, Bucky sighs and looks up resting his chin on his knees.

"Fine." He sighs and gives in.

"Thank you." Steve and Natasha say in unison. Bucky watches as Steve goes to the kitchen and returns with some toast. Steve sets it down in front of Bucky and then Watches as he glares at it.

"Please eat." Natasha says tiredly.

"Then you two go get some sleep. You can leave me alone for an hour." He grumbles.

"You'll eat both pieces of toast?" Steve asks.

Bucky nods then replies with "You'll both go rest?"

"No. Steve we can't leave him alone!" Natasha shakes her head.

"Then I won't eat." Bucky says simply.

"Just come on Nat. He needs to eat." Steve argues.

"Fine you know what! I don't care!" she storms out into the hall. Steve looks at Bucky, then stands and walks to the door.

"I'll go talk to her." Steve says, he walks out after her.

Bucky stares at the toast tiredly, and picks up one of the slices. He bites into it then sets it back down. He stretches and then lays down on the couch. He felt bad, upsetting Natasha like that but they both needed to rest and take care of themselves. He loves the company, don't get him wrong he really does. But they needed to take care of themselves for an hour and not worry about him.

Steve sees Natasha outside the door, he sits down on her left. "Maybe this is a good thing Nat."

"A good thing? The last two times we thought he was getting better he would only end up getting worse, how do we know this isn't exactly like that?" she says, looking at Steve for an answer.

"Because. I think this was the last defense of the Hydra programming. Maybe it was like a test. An attempt to block the memories. We both need the rest anyways."

"But what if it's not! What if this is just the beginning! What if he never remembers!" Natasha shouts at him.

"You know what, whatever. I'm not going to fight with you." Steve says sighing, then rubs his face.

Bucky stares at the door able to hear every word clearly. He sits back up and takes another bite of his toast. What if they're right? What if I can't ever remember? I've already lost stuff, I can tell there's larger gaps then before. He sighs and brings his knees up to his chest, then buries his face.

Natasha and Steve come back in and Bucky doesn't look up.

"I'm sorry, for over reacting James." Nat says sitting down next to him.

"It's fine. You don't have to leave if you don't want. I'm sorry. I was being stubborn." He mumbles, his words muffled.

She wraps her arm around him and snuggles up against him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"I need to shower so I'm gonna go home for a little bit." Steve says, as he grabs his jacket and walks to the door.

"Okay." Natasha says, watching as he leaves. "James, do you want to shower?" she asks him quietly, once Steve shut the door.

"I probably should, I haven't showered for at least a week." He admits quietly, looking up at the wall.

"Yeah you stink." She says playfully, he stands up.

"Thank you for your kindness." He says sarcastically, as he disappears to his room then returns with his clothes then disappears into the bathroom.

When Bucky comes out again his hair is dripping and he's dressed in different clothes, the shoulders wet from his hair.

"You know you should dry your hair." She says, raising an eyebrow.

"Ha ha, So funny." He says smirking, he walks over to the couch and leans over, he shakes his head and sends water flying at Natasha. "That's why." He says grinning.

"James." she moans.

"Your welcome." He replies laughing.

She pulls him on the couch and then sits on his lap.

"This is your punishment." She says grinning. He flinches as if he was hit. She looks at him, "Oh James I'm so sorry. I didn't think. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He says, she goes to stand up but he puts his hand on her arm. "You can stay. It's fine."

She nods and sits back down on his lap. "I really am sorry." She says, he looks at her silently then says.

"It's fine." He watches her reaction carefully. The way she sets her head back down on his shoulder then pushes his hair towards the other side of his shoulder. She stares quietly at a faint white line around his throat.

"What's, what's that?" she asks, tilting her head. He moves his hand carefully up to the scar.

"Oh, that. It's just a scar." He says dismissively.

"Just a scar. James I'd like to know how you got it. I don't ask you these questions just to waste breath." she says, giving him a look to tell him she wasn't backing down.

"At Hydra they used shock collars, to 'rehabilitate' me. I guess they left scars." he shrugs, as if he was talking about the weather.

"How do you do it?" she asks staring at him in amazement mixed with sadness.

"Do what?" he asks.

"Act like they pain they caused you is no big deal."

"I guess they just did it for so long it became just a fact of life. I never really had a say in things either, so I guess it just never seemed important." he replies, Hydra treated him like a weapon. Not a human being, they never gave him a choice, he was just there to follow orders.

"Maybe that's why your so un-opinionated." she says softly, a small half smile appearing on her lips. He shrugs.

"Maybe." He sets his head back down on his knees. Nat rubs his back comfortingly.

He falls asleep quite quickly, and Natasha sits silently listening to him snore softly. She soon falls asleep with her head on his shoulder.

A/N: so this story has over 100 views and that is an awesome accomplishment for me so thank you all for reading this. I'd love to hear your thoughts and I love seeing people's votes. Again thank you all.

Love, spideymanandloki