Winter (A Bucky Barnes recovery story)

18. Fighting

When Bucky wakes up he lays entirely still, his whole body screaming at him in agony. His jaw hurt and he could feel the restraints holding him down. He really wanted to struggle, if even just out of habit but he couldn't even muster the strength to lift his fingers. He felt light headed even just laying down.

"Bucky. Look at me." Bruce says, noticing he was wake.

Bucky continues to stare at the ceiling, not moving at all. He can feel Bruce take his pulse and his eyes follow slowly.

"What is it Brucie?" Tony asks, looking up at him.

"He's lost too much blood, he needs a transfusion." Bruce says, at this Steve who was on the couch looks up.

"Transfusion?" Steve asks, moving over to them.

"Yes but I'm not sure if it'll work," Bruce replies, "I can give him two hours, we'll check on him then." Steve nods and moves to sit next to Bucky.

"Hey Buck. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so angry with you, I know its hard." Bruce and Tony share a glance then leave quietly. "I'm sorry, I should have left it alone, I should've thought about the stress of it all. I should've... I should've been a better friend, I should've been there for you. I should've caught you, reached just little further, and none of this would have happened.

Bucky stares at the ceiling wanting to apologize to tell Steve it wasn't his fault. "I... I'm so-" he breaks off coughing. "Sorry," he was having trouble breathing and he was becoming dizzy.

"No, shh Buck. Don't speak, I forgive you." Steve says, holding his hand, which felt cold and clammy. "Oh God Bucky, don't die on me. Please, I know your strong, you just gotta hang on. For me?" Bucky can only watch helplessly as Steve cries, prays, and begs for him to recover. He can feel his body very slowly regenerating the blood he lost, and he feels exhausted from it. He struggles to stay conscious for Steve, but he soon passes out.

Bruce comes in two hours later to check up on Bucky. He feels for a pulse and finds it, the weak beat slightly stronger than before. Bucky looks slightly less pale, though he was still white as a sheet. "It looks like he's gonna pull through." Bruce watches Bucky's shallow breathing for a few minutes before busying himself with another task.

Natasha comes in and places herself next to Bucky. "Go get some rest." She says pointing to the couch.

"Fine. Wake me if he wakes up." Steve replies, he walks over and lays down on the couch allowing himself to fall asleep.

Nat takes Bucky's hand and rubs her thumb gently over the back of it. "You just gotta hang on James, you'll be okay. I promise." She watches the slow rise and fall of his chest. He looked so fragile, so pale. There was sweat beaded across his brow, and it just looked... Wrong. He wasn't weak, he was strong, brave, and he shouldn't be here. She watches him sadly, these thoughts swirling through her head.

Bucky could hear what was going on around him, but the words were accompanied by darkness. He wanted to escape it, the darkness, but everywhere he went it only got darker. He wanted to shout at them, tell them he could do it, to tell them he was healing, but but he was trapped in the never ending darkness. He would lie to them, tell them he wasn't afraid, though truly he was. He could feel his blood regenerating and it almost hurt. But healing shouldn't hurt, it never hurt before.

"Just hang on for me James." She whispers feeling for his pulse, he was struggling she could tell. Fighting back tears she looks up, "Bruce,"

"Yeah." He replies looking at her.

"Do you really think he's gonna make it?" She asks.

Bruce sighs and takes off his glasses, "He's strong. He'll make it."