Winter (A Bucky Barnes recovery story)

15. Run

Bucky woke up in the same position as previously, his entire body was stiff and Steve's head rested on his own. He pulls away carefully trying not to wake Steve. He's startled as Steve says. "You know I'm awake right?"

"No. Don't scare me like that." Bucky replies, pushing himself away.

"Sorry." Steve apologizes, looking at the large, hand shaped, black bruise on Bucky's upper arm. Bucky stands up and massages the back of his neck.

"Did Nat stay?" He asks, looking around.

Steve shrugs. "I don't know. I'm going to be in the living room."

"Okay. I'm gonna get dressed " Bucky replies, watching Steve stand and walk out, closing the door behind him. Bucky grits his teeth in pain as he pulls his tee shirt over his head. He pulls out a long sleeved black shirt, using his left hand. He puts on the shirt then changes his pants. He walks into the living room to see Steve and Nat talking.

"Morning." Nat says, scooting over so he could sit down.

"Morning." He replies, sitting on the windowsill in the kitchen.

"You don't have to sit so far away you know." Steve says, looking at him in questioning way. Bucky sits silently on the sill and stares out the window. He watches the cars pass by below, he opens the window and steps out onto the fire escape.

"James?" Natasha says, wearily standing up. Bucky climbs up the ladders and doesn't stop climbing until he reaches the roof. He sits on the edge with his legs dangling over.

Natasha follows along worriedly, she stands back and watches as he sits down on the edge. She watches silently as he hunches over and puts his head in his hands. Steve comes up behind her and she puts a hand out to stop him. The pair watches as Bucky looks up and stares at the sky his hair being tugged at by the wind.

Bucky knew they were there, they were probably afraid he'd jump. No, he wouldn't. He just needed to get out. After Hydra had him in small cells, cages, even the largest room could be suffocating.

"I'm sorry." Bucky mumbles softly, he leans back and lands with a groan on his back. Natasha races forward and kneels next to him.

"Sorry for what, James?" She asks, sitting cross legged near his head. He looks at her, a distraught look on his face.

"I don't deserve your guys compassion." He mumbles, staring at the sky. "I don't deserve your help."

She watches carefully, assessing his face before she gently pushes his hair from his face. "Nobody can tell you what you do and don't deserve. James, we're choosing to help you." She replies softly, he looks up at her doubtfully.

"What if I can't be saved? What... What if I can't be helped?" He whispers hollowly, he stares at her the pain and sorrow visible in his eyes. Nat could see the shadows under his eyes, formed from several sleepless nights. She could see the stubble and the way he slumped against the ground, he was ragged but wasn't going to allow people to help him.

"Don't you dare say that. James just don't." She says sternly, Steve sits down next to them.

"I don't think I can be saved. I don't think I can be helped. I should just go, your lives would be easier that way." He mumbles, a sad look of determination on his face.

Natasha couldn't help the tears that slid down her cheeks, "That's not true James, that's not true."

"Don't think that Buck, that's not true." Steve says sternly, Bucky shakes his head.

"But it is, its true. It'd be easier for you guys with out me. I'm just trouble." Bucky pushes himself up and walks away.

"Come back!" Nat shouts, pushing herself up off the ground. Steve does the same. Bucky runs, and jumps off the building, catching himself on the ledge of the building across the street. He pulls himself up, then glances back at them before running.