For what it's worth || Sope

Broken spark

The nagging tugged at the corners of the cold one's mind.

The tall shadow just beyond him, following quietly and carefully, watching every move.

Yoongi walked along the dim-lit street, Kota following.

Yoongi's feet dragged, a combination of sleep deprivation, sadness, and anxiety consuming him slowly, eating at his mind that couldn't decide its fragility or strength, or dullness.

Am I ok?

Nope. It was one of the only things Yoongi could identify.

"How much farther?"

"Just.. down the block."

Yoongi could barely think.

Hell, he could barely stand.

"You ok?"

Kota trotted up a little closer to Yoongi, now walking the same pace as Yoongi, and trying to level with him; mentally and physically.

"Don't ask that question."

"..why not?"

"Because it's so broad. What do you mean, 'are you ok'? Do you mean mentally? Physically? Am I ok with you being here? Am I ok with the fact I ruined everything I fucking loved because I'm a dumbass? Because in any of those cases, no. I'm not. And I think maybe you should leave me the fuck alone right this fucking second."

Kota slowed down a little, his face fading a bit.

He decided to just stop, leaving Yoongi to walk.

Kota knew he was only a stranger, but the blankness that filled Yoongi's eyes was so disheartening, he felt this sort of obligation to fix everything that he could for this strange boy.

In the blink of an eye, Yoon disappeared into the darkness, leaving Kota to fend for himself in the coldness of the evil feeling street.

Kota turned around and followed his footsteps back towards the warehouses, knowing he should leave soon anyways.

|| Hobi ||

The pain nagging at me, an empty pit absorbing me.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

Repeating words danced, and the others spoke about their threats.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,

But do you love me?

In a wise man's eyes, love means something unbreakable; a bond in which two feel something for eachother that creates a blockade in their minds, each blockade representing something different, but everything holds purpose. That purpose is what ignited that spark, and love cant be love without it, because without it you feel like nothing and feeling like nothing isn't love so how the hell am I supposed to change this blockade for my loved one when that blockade is the only thing holding back on that river of nasty holding his true self hostage?

"Fuck"

I hopelessly tossed the word across the room.

Yoongi isn't here, and I know exactly what this means.

He's gonna be gone for a while if I don't go to find him, because that's Yoongi and that's what his dark mind does to him because whatever happened to him made him not him.

Now that I'm standing at the bottom of the stairs, slightly still away from the lights of the street, I'm wondering.

Am I healthy with him? Am I doing this for him or me? And how much do I do for both of us?

I'm confusing myself, and losing track of time.

I think I'm somewhere else but I'm really walking down the street, leaving my mind 5 minutes behind.

I want to turn the corner and see him, and run to him to hug him and feel happy but I'm realizing my codependency.

I feel my feet slowing, but my eagerness hasn't changed. I still want him.

Wait.. I wasn't slowing down? I'm running.

I'm running so fucking fast and I don't know why, because I know exactly why but the reason doesn't make sense.

I'm finding my thoughts jumbled in this mess of me that's bolting down the street, and I know I can see him but I'm not responding.

I'm not responding because my sensibility is strong, and it will stop me from getting to him.

|| Yoongi ||

Still walking, his hands shoved into his pockets as he held his head low.

The sound of rapid footsteps neared him.

He slowly, and tiredly raised his head a bit and looked to his left.

The figure was all too familiar.

Hoseok was bolting towards him, and remorse wasn't part of his mind.

"Yoongi.."

Hobi pleaded as he got to the short boy.

Yoongi stood there, silently shivering at the cold weather.

"What are you doing around here?"

"I was just wandering, I guess."

"Oh.. okay."

"Yoongi, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being.. enough? I don't know.. I don't make you happy.."

"Fuck, Hobi.."

Hoseok looked away briefly and wiped the tears lightly flowing.

Yoongi wanted Hobi so badly, but he didn't deserve him.

He didn't deserve the care, the love, the support.

He didn't deserve Hobi's safety.

"Hoseok, you have saved me from my monsters and kept me alive, and well.. I am the one who keeps fucking up. I'm the one who took you and ruined everything that made you happy. I want you to live a good life, the one you tried to give me. Change that, make it for yourself. Leave me, Hobi, I'm the plague of negativity that encapsulated you're spark and fucked with it.. you don't deserve that."

Yoongi shattered inside.

Was the journey worth it? Was he even strong enough to save Jin Woo?

He made so many empty promises, it's not like Jin Woo would be surprised.

He knew everything was eating at Hoseok, but he hid it from Yoongi in his soul, which was dangerous, because soon enough, he won't have any happiness left.

Everything is a play.

Everything is a bandage, and the only thing that kept Hobi ignited to keep going was being with Yoongi and fixing him.

His happiest memories were the ones where he made progress with Yoongi mentally and physically.

His favourite memory was when Yoongi had gotten protective over Hobi in a bar. The amount of returned care and emotions he bestowed.

God, it was like floating on a cloud of relief.

Hobi finally got his confirmation that Yoongi returned feelings for sure.

If only he'd been able to maintain this relationship.

Okay so I already know this chapter is shit. I've been writing it In increments so it's a whole fucking hodgepodge of random interactions and whatever.

As always, I know my grammar sucks ass and I can't write for shit but what can you do?

I'll try to update again in the next few days 💜