In The Arms Of A Psycho [COMPLETED]

Kabanata 10

Baby

Natahimik ako pagkatapos ng sinabi niya. This always gets into me. Palagi na lang akong speechless sa mga sinasabi niya. Parang palagi na lang niyang tinatapos yung pagu-usap namin.

After almost a forever silence, I finally have the gut to speak.

"You mean... hindi mo ako papalabasin dito kahit kailan? Pano ang buhay ko sa labas? I have a family, and I want to build mine soon, ayokong nandito lang ako sa bahay na ito ng walang patutunguhan." I said as I remain standing. I put my hand at my waist and seriously looked at him. Naaasiwa ako sa uri ng pagtingin niya pero wala akong choice kundi ipagpatuloy ito, nasimulan ko na rin naman.

"As I said, you're not getting away from this. I love you and I want you for myself. Hindi ko hahayaan na magkapamilya ka kung hindi sa akin. Hindi ko hahayaan na maging masaya ka kung hindi ako ang dahilan. Hindi ko hahayaan na may makahawak na iba sa iyo, dapat ako lang." I blinked my eyes rapidly as I shot him a glare.

Ano bang problema niya? His brain is twisted! Hindi ko makuha ang punto niya. I don't really believe that he loves me. That's absurd, ilang buwan pa lang kaming magkasama. And a boy like him? He wouldn't fall in love just that fast.

"You don't own me! Wala kang karapatan na ikulong na lang ako basta! You took everything from me. My family, my freedom, my pride, my virginity, my everything!" I almost shouted every word. "Wala ka ng tinira! Tapos ngayon na tinatanong ko kung kailan mo ako palalayain sasabihin mo na wala ka namang kailangan kundi ang katawan at kaluluwa ko? Which means hindi mo naman talaga ako papalayain? How selfish is that, huh? Halos kakikilala pa lang natin! Oh! That's right! I don't know you! Even little bit of you. Ni hindi ko nga alam ang buong pangalan mo, kung sinong pamilya mo, kung anong dahilan mo kung ba't mo ko dinala dito!" My cheeks felt wet. Ni hindi ko napansin na lumuluha na pala ako.

"You don't know me, but I know you, for so long. Mahal na kita noon pa man. Of course, you wouldn't know, I was away from you. Hindi mo lang alam pero nakamasid ako. I know almost everything about you. Cara Lyra Domingo Burnes. Soon to be Cara Lyra Burnes Sandoval." He stood up and stepped towards me.

Halos matuod ako sa sinabi niya. That means he's known me for too long. And I wasn't aware of it? He's a stalker. Kung alam niya halos lahat ng ginawa ko, halos lahat ng impormasyon ng pagkatao ko, that means he's stalking me for almost years. I kept informations about me very private, ayoko ko kasing makilala nila kung sino ako.

Because my father...

"You're my life. I don't want you gone because your the air that I breath. I don't want you gone because for me, I'll die if you leave me." He tacked my hair behind my ear.

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Ilang buwan palang tayong magkasama. It's not enough for you to say that you're in love with me."

"It is. I knew and I loved every detail of you. I'm fucking..." Parang hirap niyang banggitin ang kasunod. "Obsess."

Yumuko siya na parang hiyang-hiya sa sinabi niya. I wasn't expecting him to say that. He looks like a lost child. Nakayuko at parang hiyang-hiya sa sinabi at sa magiging reaction ko.

"What..."

"I couldn't live without you, without seeing you."

"What the hell? How can you say that ngayong dalawang araw kang halos hindi nagpakita?" Galit kong tanong.

"You really think the worst of me. Of course, pumupunta ako dito tuwing tanghali at gabi, to check you. I couldn't finish a job without an assurance that you're okay." Tinawid niya ang natitirang konting pagitan namin. Now, his face is almost an inch from mine. Halos maduling ako sa lapit niya.

He breathed and his mint fragrance fanned in the side of my nose, at my right cheek. "I loved you okay? And it will remain as it is. I will love you like the wind, even if I wouldn't be able to see it someday, I will still feel it, and still love it. I've never been this sure all my life, just this one. I love you Cara, My Cara."

"I... I can't..." Nakita ko ang galit, pait at sakit na bumalatay sa mukha niya. Mahina siyang natawa.

"Yeah, right... You can't? Is that really what you feel or you're just denying it cause, I'm a..."

"Hindi ko kasalanan kung gan'to ako, hindi ko kasalanan kung bakit mahal kita! I hope you understand that I can't be someone who's not me, I want to be myself when you'll love me, I want to be the real me and not someone who's not mentally..." Hirap niyang ipagpatuloy ang sinasabi. The look in his face... like he's giving up feels painful.

Nagsalita ako, I think this is a serious talk and I should, maybe, voice out what I want to happen. "Hindi puwedeng habang buhay mo akong ikukulong dahil lang sa putanginang pagmamahal na yan. Love should let you free not encaged. Love should be selfless, not selfish! Ba't ba hindi mo maintindihan na hindi sayo iikot ang mundo ko, may mga bagay akong dapat na gawin, gustong gawin. I want to make it happen, at sana maintindihan mo na hindi dapat ang pagmamahal mo ang pipigil sa akin sa kasiyahan ko." Nanghihina na ako. Feeling ko nakuha ng mga sinabi ko ang energy ko.

"So you're not happy? Why? I gave you all I can, I gave my love and my soul, it's not enough huh? What? Should I kill myself too for you to be happy? Do I need to bleed todeath just for you to be happy? Then... I fucking will, for you baby, if bleeding will make you happy, then I'll slit my wrist for you..." Madiin niyang sabi, as if saying that he'll actually do it. As if... he's not kidding.

"Hindi yan ang ibig kong sabihin. I want to be free, I want to experience the life that a teenager should have experienced. Hindi ko nagawa ang mga gusto ko ng buhay si papa, I was encaged. I badly need to be wild too, to experience the true meaning of living. Kailangan kong maramdaman yun dahil pakiramdam ko hindi ako buo dahil sa pagkakulong na naranasan ko sa tatay ko. And now, you're here, encaging me too? Kailan ko ba mararamdamn ang kalayaan?"

"Is that what you want then? To be free? The fine, I will let you go..." Nabuhayan ako ng pag-asa sa sinabi niya. At least his mindi is thinking right now. Hindi na siya katulad kanina na napaka-unreasonable.

"I will let you go from this house, I will not encage you, but you'll remain in my arms, ang sabi ko, you're not getting away from this, and I mean it. Hahayaan kitang maging malaya, sa piling ko. I will let you free and wild, beside me. Hindi kita pipigilan, sana hindi mo rin pigilan ang pagmamahal ko sayo. Because, I think, I'll die if I'll stop loving you."

Bumuntong hininga ako, so I'm not totally free, huh? Kapiling ko pa rin siya? But that's okay, even if he's a psycho, sometimes, it's okay. I will let him love me the way I love him. Hindi ko siya pipigilan pero sana lang, hindi niya na ako ikulong sa gan'tong paraan, I am okay with him caging me in his arms, but not in this house. It's okay to be free with him, I'm okay with that. Because, soon...

"We're having a baby." I said.

Ngumisi siya.

"I know, baby. I know."

What? He knows?