The Spider

"I'll be fine."

It took a lot of convincing, but I did it. 

I convinced Bruce to not make me go to the last counseling appointment.

I've worked extremely hard this week to prepare for the mission and the last thing on my mind right now is playing the game: "how to convince the lady that you are, in-fact, sane". Besides, I'm tired.

Nat let me have the few hours off for a reason apparently. Because training was going to get harder with the suit and gear. You would think it'd be easier. That's where you're wrong. Because Natasha Romanoff gets to use her gear too.

Not that she needs it. But that lady is dangerous enough in hand-to-hand combat. Imagine her with any weapon. Even a spoon will do. The situation just escalated, didn't it?

So that's what I've been doing in training: Trying not to die. Fun right?

Tomorrow morning, we go through the plan again, and in the afternoon, we put it into action. It should be quick and clean, with no mess ups. 

Exhausted from training, I head up to the apartment.

When I get there, I head immediately to my room. 

Dan and I have worked up a schedule of sorts: He usually gets back ten to twenty minutes before I do; he starts dinner; when I get back, I shower; we eat; he showers while I clean up dinner; and we pick out a movie or T.V. show to watch before bed. 

On the day she kept falling asleep, Dan talked to Pepper about getting Sarah one of the intern/employee guestrooms. She now has her own room on floor twelve. At first it seemed like a reckless thing to do, but Pepper reassured us that a lot of interns do it and that there is nothing to worry about. 

Sarah got excepted into a different kind of interning program though. It was something that Pepper put together for kids under 16. I honestly think she just made it up for Sarah and I, but Pepper would neither confirm nor deny it.  

I get out of the shower and change into something comfortable. After that, I head out into the kitchen to see Dan cooking spaghetti. 

The rest of the afternoon goes smoothly, following our unspoken schedule.

...

"Let's go over this one more time," Tony states from the head of the war room table.

Tony and Clint give each other the is this guy serious look from across the table. However, neither of them object, and Steve takes that as an agreement to repeat the plan again.

I already knew it by heart. I go out. Be The Spider. Save a few people, but stay close. The hope is that Loki will seek me out again. It's honestly not a fool proof plan, but it's all we got. 

While Steve goes through every detail about how close they'll be, how to contact them through the suit, and so-on-so-forth, I start to think about the fact that I'm actually going out as The Spider again. I haven't gone out in a suit since May....

But this is different, I tell myself. I have a team and people on my side this time. I have people who know. And that makes all the difference to me. I'll be fine. 

"Ray," Nat whispers under her breath, catching my attention, "You good?"

I turn my head slightly to give her a small nod. Nobody notices the small gesture, but it's enough to remind me to breathe. 

I'll be fine.

...

I forgot how much time has past since everything happened. It's now February and cold.