The Spider

Staying

Ray POV

Tony doesn't make me see him. He simply calls Bruce and tells him that I don't want to see Dan. When Dr. Banner tries to protest, Tony hangs up.

That was last week.

I still haven't seen him, and I'm not planning on it. I have other things to worry about.

The night terrors got worse. I fell asleep the night we went to get food. It was while working in Tony's lab. I fell asleep mid-project. When I woke up, Tony was shaking me, trying to wake me up.

I begged him not to tell anyone, but he ended up telling Wanda. She's been helping me sleep. She uses her magic to channel the bad thoughts out. I think that she's caught bits and pieces of everything that happened. She's been very sympathetic and I hate it.

And now, there's a new challenge: Showering.

The thought of water covering my body sends chills down my spine. Images of the cloth covering my face fill my brain, making it hard to breathe.

Until today, no one has said anything about the immense odor. That is, until Wanda finally said something.

We were sitting in the Avengers lounge. I was reading a random book Captain Rodgers left lying around, and Clint, Thor, and Nat were playing Mario Kart. Wanda was coloring in a coloring book with sharpies. 

Everyone seemed distracted when she spoke to me, "You do know that you're going to have to shower at some point, right?"

I let out a shaky breath, "Yeah. I know."

She nods her head, "Okay. I'm not going to pressure you. This is something you have to do."

I just try to focus on the book after our exchange. But the words stopped making sense. Instead, I head to my room. I've been here ever since. 

Pacing, I think it through.

I already have everything I need set out. Clothes, a towel, a wash rag, body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. I have the process planned out in my head. The shower head is one of the removable kinds, so I know I can control where the water goes.

I've tried to turn it on three times already. Every time, I couldn't do it.

I stop my pacing and stare at the shower nozzle. It's now or never. I have to get over this. 

Cautiously, while standing outside of the shower stall, I close my eyes and call to Friday, "Friday, turn the shower on."

The shower came on immediately and I did my best not to flinch as the water hit the shower floor. I took deep breaths and tried to ground myself. I'm okay. Nothing is going to happen. It's just a shower.

Slowly, I opened the door to the shower. I could tell it was warm because there was steam coming from it. Careful not to be touched by the water, I reached for the extendable shower head. It took two small jerks, but I successfully had it in my grasps within a minute. 

This is good. I thought to myself. Now I just have to get into the shower.

 One problem. My feet weren't moving.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, I force my feet to walk into the stall. As soon as my feet touch the wet floor, I shutter. The knot in my chest seems to grow by the second.

I try not to think about it. I attempt to distract my mind as I close the shower door. Once it's closed, my breath gets caught in my throat for a terrifying ten seconds until I remember to breathe. When I do, my hand slips a little on the shower head, and I splash my feet a little.