Lies ‣‣ Soonhoon

5

Jihoon's POV

I'll never make you cry

Lie number 5.

He said he'll always nake me smile; and that he'll never ever would want to make me cry. He said he would've hated himself if he caused me to cry.

However, all those were in the past now. They were once the truth I put my whole trust on. Now they're just lies slowly being unfolded.

When he said he wouldn't want to make me cry, I felt happy. Happy because atleast I have someone who wouldn't want me to cry. Atleast I had just one person who cared about me. But after remembering his words, I can't help but break down into tears. Just by remembering it already caused me to cry.

You said you would hate being the reason as to why I cried. Look at me now, crying once in a while everytime memories of you flashback. They visit me everyday and I couldn't help but tear up.

~

I miss the way you smile at me. Oh, that wonderful smile of yours always brightened my day. No matter how much pain I was going through, everything feels normal and better when you smile.

I miss your sweet laughs. They were weird but were sweet lullabies that ever so often make me feel soft and happy.

I miss the times I catch you fondly staring at me. It cracks me up everytime whenever you get caught up in a trance because of the extreme staring you're doing. It makes me laugh when I snap you out of that trance, and I love how you feel lost afterwards. I love how we both end up laughing because of that. How I wish that happens again.

I miss the way we talked for hours and hours. We talk 24/7. Day or night, we always talked. Even if we weren't together, we'd still talk. That was how close we were. Because no matter what happens, we always made a way to be able to talk to each other.

I miss our calls. Late night calls, specifically. I miss how we talked over the phone during night and how we had tired voices that speak and whisper about stupid things.

I miss hugging you and cuddling with you. Hugs are the best, you know.. It gives me a sense of comfort and security. It's like when I'm in someone's arms, I couldn't care less about my surroundings. I feel safe with them, and by them I mean you. You were the one I always hugged. The only one who I always go to for hugs and cuddles. Moments like those make me feel warm and cozy inside.

I miss hanging out with you. Hanging out with you was my most favorite thing to do. You were my most favorite person so there's no doubt I'd always enjoy times with you. We could be crazy, even in public; and I don't really care. It's cute actually, because we're in our own world and we don't care about possible judgements that could be thrown to us. It's always been just you and me.

I miss those times whenever we walk to the park at 10pm and talk about random things that get us a little-or maybe not- crazy. Even if we talk about the most random things ever, it was still the best moment ever. I'd love to be crazy with you. We're partners in crime, and can never be seperated; or can we?

I miss watching the stars together with you. You know I loved the stars; I always did. I felt really happy because you listened to me as I tell you stuff and stories about those stars I see above. I was thankful because you stayed with me as I enjoyed the moment. I like you as company. It was great, really. I got happier once I knew you loved the stars as much as I did because of our frequent stargazing together and because of my never ending stories about them.

I miss the comforting words you blurt out everytime I feel down. It felt good hearing them, especially because they're coming from you. Everything from you has always been good, so those comforting words were the key to making me smile again.

I miss crying to you. I miss how you let me cry without judging me. I miss how you manage to make me calm afterwards. I miss it. So damn much.

I miss seeing your goofy side. The way you made jokes and feel like a clown, it was funny. I always had a good laugh. I don't know why, but I always laugh when it's you. It's both a bad thing though. It's just, you never fail to make me laugh. I know you don't like seeing me sad so you always tried to make me laugh or atleast smile. Whenever I feel blue and tell myself to ignore everyone else, you were always the reason for me to fail that. You always wrecked my plans. It's fine though, because I know you had a good intention. I know you didn't want me being that way, and it's nice to know there's still you who thinks this way. There's still you who thinks I shouldn't change for the worse.

I miss being myself when I'm with you. I was open to you. I didn't hide anything. I allowed myself to show each side of me. The vulnerable and weak me, the strong me, the happy me, the sad me, everything. I told you every single thing too, because I trusted you.

I miss how you always made me smile. I miss how you always wanted to see me smile. I miss how you did everything and even went beyond your capacity to make me smile. I appreciate it, so much.

I miss our memories together. They were a lot. They were my most treasured thing here on earth. Nothing can ever compare to them and those are the only things I have left of you.

I miss you the most though. I miss everything about you. I miss having you by my side. I miss having a friend, a protector, a savior and a clown. I miss your stupid ways. I miss your foolishness. I miss everything you did. I miss everything we used to do together. Now they're just memories slowly fading away while I try and pull them to me closer so they don't fade away. I'm weak though. I can't hold on that long, because it hurts. The more I make them stay, the more it hurts. I still can't let go and that's a huge problem. Both holding on and letting go causes pain. Now tell me, should I hold on to the memories of us and to you, or should I just let those memories go, including you?

These "I miss" things I talk about right now make me cry more.

Just these made me cry already. The phrase you once said that you'll "never make me cry" is gone. All that is left with me are these tears that continuosly flow without stopping. Then go on and on and on. When you said you'll never make me cry, I believed. But how come now, just by thinking of you, it makes me cry? Nothin is permanent, I guess. Not even your words. They'll never be permanent because sometime soon, they'd be forgotten. Forgotten because you aren't here anymore to show and prove those words still exist in my life.

I still miss you. Even when it pains me.

Noteee
Longest chapter. 1270 words wow.

Can't help it, I just randomly went writing those things.

Long chapters look boring though, sigh. I'm worried.