Lies ‣‣ Soonhoon

12

WARNING ‼️ if you guys are not comfortable with the topic of suicide then might as well leave :> this last chap is kinda bad sooooo yeah

Jihoon's POV

December 31, 2018

It was new year's eve.

Today was something more special to me because it's more than just a new year's eve.

It was currently 8am and I'm heading towards a store to buy some supplies.

I got random stuff before I got what I really needed.

"Oh, uhhh.. Why is there a rope along with these nails and pieces of woods? It looks like you're building something but what's with the rope?" The person in charge asked me when I went to the counter to pay.

I replied to him, saying "I got it for no reason. I don't know, it looks useful."

"I see.. I see.. You could go now then! Thanks for buying, hope you come back again" He said, while smiling at me.

"I will! Thank you!" I smiled back at him as I walked my way towards the door.

@Jihoon's house

I was finally home.

It is now around 12nn and I have to eat lunch.

I cooked myself some scrambled eggs and toast. Then I went to make coffee too because why not? My lunch seemed like it was my breakfast. Well, I'm too lazy to cook proper lunch.

After eating, I went upstairs to my room to get my notebook and write something.

December 31, 2018

It's new year's eve today, but I don't think I'll be celebrating it. I'm alone at home and I didn't prepare food to eat for later. In just a couple of hours, I'd be gone. I wanted this, and there's no way of me backing out. I wanna write here to say idk some last words? If anyone plans on reading this, I hope you're happy. Even if I'll be gone, I'd still be living in your hearts if you'd allow it to be.

Anyways yeah..

It was a good life [A/n lmaoooo wtf] and I'm thankful to experience such a life like this, even if it comes with problems.

I also just wanna thank everyone who became part of my life. For those who came and left, I still thank you because you taught me many things. To those who stayed till the end, I'm more than grateful to have you guys who didn't give up on me. Sadly, I became too tired with dealing with life that it came to a point wherein I gave up. I'm sorry for all those I've hurt and for being useless. I wasn't much of a help to people because I know that I became more of like a bother to them. I'm sorry I have to do this. It's not like anyone still cares. It's fine, I'll be happy now. I wouldn't get hurt anymore. I wouldn't be sad, nor will I feel anything anymore. It's better this way than crying everyday because of the growing pain in my heart. So I guess this is goodbye. Goodbye to the life I once loved. Goodbye to the life that has taught me how to be independent. Goodbye to the things that have caused trouble and pain to me. Goodbye to all the good and bad things I've receive. Goodbye to the people that entered and left my life. Goodbye to everything.

[A/n yall this could be my suicide letter oof,, JOKE HAHAHAHA]

-Jihoon 12/31/18 12:46pm

After writing, I headed downstairs again to get the things I bought.

Once I got the bag that carried the items I purchased from earlier, I headed for the stairs. I was about to go up when I saw something that left me feeling nostalgic.

It was a picture of me and soonyoung framed up against the plain, white wall.

I stifled my tears that were beginning to well in my eyes. That picture taken years back made me feel every emotion I tried to forget. Once I saw the way we both smiled, my poignant heart can't help but feel extreme pain I never knew would happen.

Why did I even keep that picture? And why is it framed against the wall? All this time, I haven't noticed? Did I grow that blind? Or was I just too caught up with things these days that I didn't pay much attention to the little things around me?

Ugh whatever. Staring at that photo won't bring back Soonyoung, nor will it bring back the smiles we both had.

I looked away from it and made my way to my room again.

After opening the door to my room, I went straight in the middle where there was enough space to set up the thing.

I looked up the ceiling, and to my luck, there was a chandelier. Oh well, I never knew I had that. But yeah, I think It's a good base for the rope. I'm sure it can be sturdy enough for later.

I then got a chair and stood up on it to tie the rope on the chandelier. It was kinda tough because I had to make sure it's sturdy. I can't fail in doing this thing I'm planning, so it better be sturdy.

After tying the rope, I went to my closet and got a knife from the hidden compartment I had. Yes, I kept a knife in my closet. Why? So I won't have to bother going down to the kitchen when I need one to you know..

Then I went back to the rope. I tied a knot that fits my neck. I guess you know what I'm trying to do.

There's no turning back anymore. My decision is final, and it felt like it's for the best.

I climbed up the chair that was under the rope, then I inserted my head on the knot in the rope.

[A/n ummm I don't know how to narrate what happens when someone uhhh,, hangs themselves.. Also sorry for writing this. I just had to :<]

I raised up the knife I was holding. I took a good look at it before I muttered something.

"I guess everything does have to end huh? But this time it's my life."

With a smile, I used the knife to harshly cut myself as I let out a loud cry out of agony and pain. Looking down at my wrist, I felt satisfied. It was bleeding non-stop and it hurts so bad. I felt satisfied even though the pain was becoming unbearable.

"Don't worry Jihoon. The pain won't last long. Just go kick the chair and everything would slowly end."

And so I did. I kicked the chair.

As soon as I kicked the chair, I felt how the rope tightened against my throat, and it was slowly suffocating me. I tried to get a hold of it, and I tried to loosen the grip of the rope.

This feeling was new to me, I never imagined it to be this painful. I tried to calm myself, but I failed. Tears were silently strolling down my cheeks and blood continued to flow from my wrist. I could tell that this situation I put myself in was a complete mess.

My body was in a lot of pain and I can't do anything to lessen it. What's done is done. I fidgeted and tried once more to let myself be free from the rope that's slowly killing me.

It was after seconds when I told myself to just give up. I stayed still, accepting the fact that it's over. It's what I wanted anyway, so why am I trying to contradict it?

I decided to just close my eyes to distract myself from the growing pain the cut and the rope was torturing me with.

Any second now, I know I won't be able to breathe anymore. I won't be able to open my eyes anymore. I won't be able to witness the beauty the world has to give.

Even though I felt pain scorching throughout my body, I managed to let out a small smile for the last time.

Bit by bit, I felt myself losing strength and air. I was losing consciousness. Before I could fall into a state of complete darkness, I heard someone shout.

"JIHOON?!!!" And I felt myself giving in to the darkness that seemed to be waiting for me.

Happy new year, I guess.

Noteee

Sorry not sorry :>

Btw in case ya'll didn't know, it's the last chap. The next is epilogue :>