The Dark Knight Of The Soul

Chapter Ten

I was walked down the stairs of my house, along the hallway, there was a door by the stairs. I opened the door, and patted the wall to see if I could find a light? I located a switch to my right and curiously stepped down, feeling the wall with my hands as I descended each stair to a basement. There was a table at the bottom, with a black sheet on it, some empty bottles were perched on a shelf and the light bulb hung from the ceiling wire in the middle of the basement. I felt a chilly breeze pass me as I anxiously looked around. I looked left, the corner was dark, very dark and I thought I saw two dark eyes, pigmented with yellow around the iris. I looked around the basement for a torch, but it was sparse down here. I curiously took a step closer, intrigued by these two eyes. Was it an old teddy bear, rotting away in the corner? I took a small baby step and the eyes blinked at me, the animal stepped forward out of the dark corner, his top lip curled up to snarl, my heart started to pound, and I felt like the animal sensed my panic, as he started to snarl at me! I held up my two hands in surrender to the animal as it stepped further into the light. It was about four foot tall and two feet wide. It appeared to look like a very large wolf.

"I won't hurt you," I said as I tried to control the tremble in my voice. The beast lowered his eyes and stepped slowly towards me, I felt my heart beat slow down, I sensed the animal was friendly. As he came within half a foot of me, I reached out my left hand to stroke his thick, black mane. The animal's eyes lowered. He brushed his heavy body against my legs and my hand travelled through his furry coat.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

The animal winced, I suspected he may be injured "are you hurt?" I scanned his fur, looking for any signs of blood, but he just turned, then circled around me as I stood in the middle of the floor. The animal stopped circling me and then looked up at me, I cupped his large head in my hands and smiled warmly, "Oh you're friendly," I said tenderly.

In that second, the animal jumped up on his back two legs, let out an almighty roar, and I froze in horror as he leapt forward, his jaw wide open, he lunged forward to take a bite of my head. I let out a deep lung filled scream.

My body bolted upright as I gasped. My heart was pounding so fast I was barely able to take a breath, sweat had formed around my head and my hands shook as I brought them to my face, shaking, I covered my face with both my palms taking short shallow breathes. I turned to my left and saw Harrison fitfully asleep. I calmed my breathing and pulled back the duvet covers. I quietly crept out of the bedroom and walked downstairs. I flicked on the kitchen light, it was ten past two. I was too alert to go back to sleep now. I made myself a hot mug of coffee and went into the lounge, I turned on the side lamp and reached into my bag for my dream diary. I wrote down as much detail as I could remember and then read all the other entries again. I tried to highlight certain aspects of them all to make some connections. The woods, I was running away, the box I was in prisoned? The little girl in distress, I desperately wanted to help her, to find her! Then the woods again. What do the woods mean? The little girl, I think the girl were my own memories as a child. I remembered my father leaving. Did something end when I was a little girl? Was it a lost childhood? Was I yearning for my father? I quickly dismissed that. I didn't miss him, he left and never had much contact with me or my sister.

This time I was in the basement and there was a beast, at first, he was shy and curious and then he turned on me when I was being gentle to him? The beast was featured in all three of them? The beast means something, the woods means something too and it's always dark. Maybe it's my anxiety, my paranoia. Maybe it's trying to highlight the anxiety, the way I froze? I put the pad back into my bag and started up my lap top computer. My mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts, so I tried to focus my attention on my weekly shopping. I ticked my way through the groceries and added several baking ingredients. Icing sugar and flavour enhancers. I rummaged through my cupboards to see if there were other things I needed to buy, I added some cake decorations onto the shopping list and proceeded to checkout. I paid for the shopping, it was booked for delivery on Friday.

I closed my lap top and lay down on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't get the little girl out of my mind? I felt my eyes grow heavy again and before long, I fell asleep on the sofa. I was awoken by a sharp nudge, I groggily opened my eyes and saw Harrison glaring menacingly at me.

"Do you know what time it is?" His voice was stern and his eyebrows stiffened as his eyes stared insolently at me.

"No," I replied, my heart started racing as my mind whirled an endless stream of thoughts. Did I oversleep? Is he late for work? In my dazed state I asked, "I haven't got my watch on." I sat up to try to catch sight of the clock over on the mantel piece but Harrison was obscuring my view.

"Don't be smart!" He snapped.

"Did I miss something?" I answered calmly as I sat up, my heart was pounding. I was wide awake and alert now.

"You're fucking phone has been going off," Harrison snarled as he threw my phone at me, "it woke me up," he retorted, his face squarely up at mine. The anger and tension in the room was palpable.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's my alarm." I replied, I was trembling in anticipation for what he was about to do next? He was so volatile lately that I could never quite grasp what mood he was in or how he was going to react.

"Your alarm woke me up and all you can say is sorry!!" He roared.

"What are you expecting me to say." I replied, my voice a little shaky. His top lip curled up in contempt as he stood upright and eyed me with disgust.

"You're a prick," he spat. "You've got no consideration for anyone but yourself. You're a fucking selfish, self-centred piece of shit!" He bellowed, I felt my anger rise as he growled at me.

Stay calm Jenny, it'll only make things worse if you bite.

I took a deep breath and went to get up from the sofa, hoping that by removing myself from the situation, that this would deescalate. Harrison pushed me back down, his upper body tensed up and his face was red with rage. "Ever since you've been back here, things have been shit. You can't do anything right, your dinners are shit, I wouldn't feed them to animals in a fucking zoo. Your cleaning leaves a lot to be desired. You never wear makeup, you've let yourself go big time. You're a fucking mess woman. I'm ashamed to call you my wife." He snarled bitterly. "Get a grip or I'll find someone else?" Harrison replied his voice had a strong authoritative tone. I didn't reply to his outburst this time. I sat quietly on the sofa waiting for his speech to ebb back. I felt completely ashamed of myself. Had I let myself go? I only had Harrison's word for it, I never spoke to my friends, so I had no way of knowing if I really was being selfish. I didn't think I was, but I do admit that since the attack, I haven't been myself. If my cooking is that bad, why does he still eat the meals I make? Never a day passes without a criticism or complaint about my cooking, but he still sits to eat them. I need to do something about this.

I need to get out of this, last time I left I came back because I had nowhere to go. At least then I had my car. Now I don't have a car. It's hopeless. Every step forward takes me ten paces back.

I don't think I want this anymore.