The Dark Knight Of The Soul

Chapter Sixteen

Ellie arrived right on time, I eagerly hurried to the door, tightening my ponytail as I reached for the door handle. "Hi," I said cheerfully.

"Hi," Ellie smiled as I beckoned her into my house. "How are you feeling."

"Good. I've been making roses all week. Honestly, I can't stop myself."

Ellie sat in the lounge as I made us both some coffee and brought them into the lounge. I got out my little booklet. "I've got my dining room all spread out with different coloured edible flowers." I said shyly.

Ellie beamed a huge grin and said, "that's fantastic. How do you feel making the flowers for charity."

"I feel driven," I replied, although maybe obsessed was a more accurate description. "I just kind of go into a zone."

"Flow!"

"Is that what it is?"

"Yes. It's where you find peace and contentment, supported by a feeling of wellbeing."

I nodded as she said it, "and excitement! I feel really invigorated. Is that because I'm making them for a purpose?"

Ellie nodded, "or its where you spirit gets to enjoy the fruits of human existence!"

"Ooh I like that phrase." I replied joyfully, I jotted it down at the back of my note book. "I've made some rice paper flowers too. I hope the kids like those ones."

"Oh wow," Ellie enthused. "You've got quite a hidden talent their Jenny. Have you ever thought about furthering your skills."

I paused for a moment to think about it. I never really thought it could lead to anything or support me on a financial level. But the seed had now been firmly implanted. "No. But I'll think a bit more on that one."

Ellie and I talked about my journey and how things had changed for me. I felt like my next part of the treatment plan was to consider returning to work. Although I really wanted to return to work as I missed the students so much, I was also torn between the anxiety of my paranoia that everybody was watching me, or a constant feeling of walking on eggshells and the desire to be confident again. I explained this to Ellie who smiled compassionately.

She gave me another one of her famous pep talks, where I felt like I could achieve anything. Honestly the way she pumped up my enthusiasm and quashed my inferiorities was amazing. "How do you do that? It's just fascinating how easily you identify hidden aspects of my character, then counteract against a flaw with a positive, admirable trait."

"It's my job." She shrugged shyly. "It's fascinating for me too. I meet people who overcome phenomenal obstacles. People whose lives have been thrown into chaos and despair, watching them change their actions and environment, to obtain wellbeing again. I'm really blessed. Because I witness the miracles. Where someone has had their steady life halted by an accident or illness and now they have to make huge changes to their existence. They not only have to accept their new identify, they have to make it work and fit into their lifestyle too. Sometimes it's impossible and the person who has experienced such a huge life change, refuses to accept the change of circumstances, or changes needed, to become functional again and they remain stuck and stagnant. But for those brave ones who accept and work with the disability or illness, accomplish really great things. Sometimes it enables them to achieve something they would never have been able to face if they weren't Ill or disabled. Like an athlete being wheelchair bound after an accident and they then redesign their whole life, to accomplish more than what they could of with the use of their limbs. It's really amazing to watch and be a part of...I get to call that work." I felt like my heart was touched gently as she spoke. I could feel a warm vibration descend over my head and shoulders and my skin tingled with bliss.