The Dark Knight Of The Soul

Chapter Twenty Four

I heard the clanging sound of metal as I roused slowly from my slumber. The conversations in the distance sounded so clear and close by, the squeaking wheels of objects being maneuvered over the lanolin floor. The sound of hard shoes clicking against the floor, the bleeps of monitors in the distance made me curious and I flicked open my eyes briefly. The light seared through and I squintedd. I stretched my fingers and wiggled them, a familiar voice awoke me instantly.

"How are you feeling," Ellie spoke quietly as she walked closer to the bed.

I blinked a couple of times as my vision gained focus. "Where am I?" I said finally as I tried to pull myself up into a seated position. My stomach felt overwhelmingly nauseated. I pulled myself into a seated position with Ellie's help and I felt like my body had lost its strength. I felt physically weak and defeated and my head felt like it had exploded inside. It was heavy, thick and pounding like a rapid pulse.

"You're in A&E. Do you remember what happened?" Ellie asked gently.

My heart was pumping like a fast drum as I realised where I was and what had happened. "Harrison." I gasped, Jenny reached forward to hold my hand. "He forced me to drink it!" I answered wide eyed with pure terror. The enormity of my experience suddenly flooded my mind.

"You were falling unconscious and it was safest to pump your stomach. Do you know what you took?"

I shook my head in response. Then flashes of Harrison's face, snarling like a lion and the atmosphere of darkness and tension. I could feel Ellie rubbing the back of my hand as I felt my anxiety ease a little. I started to feel safer. Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked at Ellie. Her soft, kind eyes comforting me as I felt myself descend into my mind.

I looked down at my wrists and saw red marks, inflamed and swollen around my wrists. A tear spilt over my eyelashes and dropped onto the white hospital blanket. "I asked for a divorce and he pinned me onto the duvet and pushed my hand up to hand cuff me," my voice trailed as the emotions pushed their way past a huge lump, lingering in my throat. I felt so demoralized and humiliated as the physical scars commanded my vision. "I can't go back there again." I blurted, my voice trembling with my lips.

"You don't have to," Ellie spoke softly. "You've been through enough!"

I looked around at the small room, the walls were a soft shade of pastel green. There was a small sink in the cubicle with a trolley that had gloves and wipes on it. I was calming down, and my concentration returned, along with memories. I nodded remembering the look in Harrison's face when he aggressively forced the glass of water at me. "Harrison." I said quietly. "He wanted me to kill myself, so he could cash in with the insurance policies." Sadness engulfed me as I looked solemnly at Ellie. "It was all about money!"

Ellie didn't reply, she just listened.

"How sad that love is now measured by the size of your purse and not the size of your heart?" I murmured.

"The moral of the story is that you can't buy love." Ellie shrugged. "But people today value objects far more than human life."

I nodded. I felt strangely calm, yet equally afraid. "Or good health!"

Ellie agreed. "It's amazing what we put ourselves through to get our needs met."

I smiled tight lipped and then I remembered my dream. I quickly looked up as I recalled the sequence of events and explained my dream to Ellie. As I explained the part about my father snatching the picture. I clarified what my dreams had tried to convey to me. "I think I've always been a bit of a people pleaser Ellie. As a little girl I felt responsible to make people happy. I don't recall why or how, just that my home life wasn't as easy going or as calm as it could have been. I fell in love with a man who resembled my father...I traded my father for Harrison... I guess all my life I wanted to be loved by my father, the only way I knew how to love a man was to accept abuse from them. My father was the role model for all my futures partners. He was absent, abusive and an asshole. The foundations for every male relationship I was ever to have, was created by him... I guess he left me his legacy after all." I mumbled softly. "I thought I loved Harrison. When really, I didn't know what or how to love a man as my father failed to stand up to his role or take any responsibility. My mother was a nervous wreck, she turned to alcohol after he left, to numb her pain because she couldn't cope. He maimed her too!"

Ellie gently squeezed my hand. "A common theme in society today I'm afraid. Dysfunctional relationships conditioned by dysfunctional bonds." Ellie spoke softly, her voice was like a gentle breeze soothing my fragmented mind. "It wasn't your fault, you were a child and your father was an adult. Don't blame yourself." She said quietly. "But look at the positive perspective. At least you now know what love isn't. So, you can follow your heart and discover your path your way."

I sighed, the thought of having a relationship again was too unbearable to contemplate. But I wasn't ruling it out.

"Did I die because this dream was really odd. It was like traveling back in time?" I enquired curiously.

"You did lose consciousness." Ellie said softly as she took my hand and cradled it gently. "It was for about five seconds. It's possible that they will want to run some further tests on you to rule out any other conditions."

"What's sort of conditions?" I asked, with a worried tone.

Ellie was reluctant to say anything at first but after I explained my dream she looked at me honestly and said. "You might have a condition called sleep apnea. It's where you involuntary stop breathing when your asleep." Ellie said softly. She was apprehensive in her response.

"Oh gosh, really!" I replied, shocked.

"It's ok, it's treatable." Ellie said quickly in a reassuring tone.

A stocky female police officer popped her head around the door and interrupted our conversation. "Hello Jenny. My names PC Layton. How are you feeling?" She asked, I felt an essence of mechanical conversation from her. I stared deep into her eyes, asking myself if I could trust her! I felt a little anxious as Ellie stood upright waiting for my reply.

"I'm ok. Coming around a bit now. What happened to Harrison." I asked.

"He's at the police station being interviewed."

"He told me everything." I turned to Ellie as I spoke. "He told me that he renewed the insurance the day before I was mugged, and he had to pay Joksey a thousand pounds to carry out the mugging, then he sold my car. He was watching me every day on the CCTV, tormenting me when I was in the kitchen. He opened windows and doors to make me think I was losing my mind. He even blackmailed my best friend to stay away." I blurted. "What else do you need to know?"

PC Layton scribbled down some notes in her pad. Her manner softened somewhat. "Can you tell me why you wrote HELP on the window?"

I frowned at her at first and then I remembered. "Oh gosh yes. It started on Friday evening. I was finishing making my flowers for Monday group. Harrison came home, and he was angry, he swept into the dining room and got really aggressive. He shouted about my work, saying it was a load of shit. Then he swooped his arm down and swiped everything off the table. I was devastated, I put my heart and soul into making those flowers... I was heartbroken when he swiped the table clean. It was the final blow for me, I stood up and asked for a divorce. I'd had enough, and I was going upstairs to pack. That's when Harrison told me I wasn't leaving. He forced himself onto me and handcuffed me to the bed. I stayed there since Friday. I haven't eaten anything since. I was only allowed to go to the bathroom, which I think I only went once. I slept through a lot of the weekend somehow? I think he may of been giving me sleeping pills?" I spoke as calmly as I could, with a tremor to my voice as I recalled the weekend events. "I asked for some food and Harrison declared that I was going to drink the water and whatever else was in it. I tried to stop him but he was stronger than me?" A tear trickled down my cheek as I remembered the shame I felt. "I didn't want to commit suicide." I said, my voice was low, sad.

PC Layton pursed her lips, raising her eyebrows before delivering the final blow to me.

"What is it?" I asked, I could tell that what I told her wasn't congruent with her version of events.

She looked at me, then over at Ellie, then she took a deep breathe, almost to sigh and said. "He claims you're mentally unstable and you did all of this yourself!"