farm boy // joshler

19

josh's point of view

it's evident just how much my chapped lips 'didn't bother' tyler when we stand up to leave the treehouse.

i didn't mention it, but i felt a small sense of pride knowing i made him feel that way. it was also a nice boost to my self esteem considering not long ago i was sulking about the thought of being replaced.

once we get back to the house, it's about lunch time. tyler makes grilled cheese sandwhiches for the two of us. i pour both of us a glass of tea and we sit next to each other on the couch.

"what do you want to watch?" i ask, sliding the remote towards him.

"you." he moves so he's sitting facing me. he takes a bite of his sandwich, but his eyes dont leave my face.

i feel somewhat self conscious under his gaze, especially since my mouth is full of carbs. i shake my head and swallow the food in my mouth. "no."

he smiles a little and sets his plate on the coffee table. he moves again and sits closer to me, facing the tv this time. "we could just continue the office."

it doesn't last long.

after we both finished eating, i notice that tyler is staring at me again, his head turned just a little.

"what?" i huff and uncross my legs, still unsure of how to act with his eyes glued to me.

"i like your face," is all he says.

i roll my eyes but still feel a soft blush creeping up my neck. "you're such a dork."

"you can't call me a dork. you're the one who asked!" he giggles a little and his eyes remain focused on me, taking in all the details i'm so insecure about.

i squirm a little and take a sip of my drink. "whatever, dork," i cover my nervousness with sarcasm.

he leans forward and kisses me once, softly and carefully. he pulls away and brings his hand to rest on my cheek. he doesn't say anything, but nothing needs to be said for either of us to feel the mutual fondness.

"i like your face, too," i whisper, finally breaking the silence.

he bursts into laughter and leans his head on my shoulder, his eyes squeezed closed.

"you're adorable, tyler joseph," i speak again when he stops laughing, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

-

laying in my bed that night, i scroll through a few websites, biting my lip.

i've always wanted to go to an art school, but i never thought of myself as good enough. the thought of tyler leaving in the fall, however, has persuaded me to look into it once more.

there's one on the outskirts of tyler's hometown, and i'm scared to even open the application. my pointer hovers over it for a few seconds before i click on it.

i look through egibility, cost, dorms, and majors. i've never thought about how many majors there are, but if i were to pursue a career in art, i'd be a teacher.

i decide to start the application. what's the harm in just filling it out? it's not like i'll submit it. even if i do, theres no way i'll be accepted.

unfortunately, a knock on my door makes me jump, and instead of clicking out of the tab, i click the submit button.

"well shit," i curse under my breath and close the computer, shoving it under my bed and stumbling to open my door. my heart is racing and tyler seems confused as to why i look so flustered. "hey."

"hi." tyler takes a step back and tilts his head a little. "are you okay?"

"yeah." i run a hand through my hair and try to regain my composure. "i'm okay. sorry. what's up?"

"don't apologize." he brings his hand to sit on my shoulder and runs it down my arm. "you sure you're okay?"

i relish in the feeling of his hand slipping into mine and squeeze. "yeah, i am."

he seems to realize how grounding his touch is in my panicked state and takes my other hand in his as well. "okay." he kisses my cheek and then offers me a small smile. "i was just wondering if you were up for a late night ice cream run?"

"that sounds great." my tenseness slowly fades and i smile a little at him, not letting go of his hand as we walk down the stairs.

i grab my keys and lock the front door quietly behind us.

the sky is dark, but the moon and stars make up for the dimness by shining brighter than they have in awhile. clear nights like this have always been my favorite. i've always been fascinated by space and the sky. it helps me to feel less alone knowing that somewhere in this vast, endless universe, there are other people staring up at the stars, just like i am, going through similar struggles and personal battles of their own.

i feel much more at ease by the time tyler and i are in the car, and when he hums along to whatever top forty hit that plays quietly on the radio, my heartbeat returns to normal and my hands loosen their grip on the steering wheel.

i hate being cliche, but the way his presence melts my anxiety and silences my worry for even a moment makes my heart flutter and my stomach twist in the most beautiful way.

all the prose and love songs become more relevant and less cheesy or annoying as the summer love phenomenon overtakes me and i find myself wondering what will happen when the feeling fades.

because i'm so zoned out, i miss a turn and don't realize until tyler says my name.

"josh, you missed your turn," he points this out quietly and i snap to attention, making another turn to get myself on the right route again.

"oh. yeah, sorry."

once i park in the walmart lot, tyler puts his hand on my knee. "josh, are you sure you're okay?"

"i will be."

(an: i just thought up the end for this! take a guess in the comments ♡)