farm boy // joshler

26

tylers point of view

as josh's lips move against mine, i feel a familiar heat grow in the pit of my stomach. i pray that he doesn't move any closer. even though i'd love to feel my skin against his, it'd be horribly embarrassing if he knew he could get me hard just from changing his clothes. he didn't even take his boxers off, but the thought of only one layer of fabric between us didnt help.

however, he moves a bit closer anyway. not quite close enough that our bodies are pressed together (like i'd like them to be), but closer all the same.

i let out a small whine and he pulls away.

"shhh," he shushes me and then rolls over to hover above me, just a few inches away now... "is this okay?"

"mhm," i mumble confirmation and nod.

he leans back down and kisses me again, pulling away from my mouth to suck at my neck.

i haven't ever came in my pants before, but if he keeps this up, i just might.

i bite my lip hard to keep from making any noises and my mind grows foggy. "josh, i-," i say his name and pause, not even sure what the end of that sentence was going to be.

he pulls away to see what i was going to tell him. "yeah?" he speaks so quietly, almost a whisper.

"i-if you," i stop and clear my throat. "i can't," i stop again, closing my eyes, trying so desperately to put together a sentence. "i'm t-too sensitive," i admit this with flushed cheeks.

something changes in his eyes and pulls away from me completely, moving to lay next to me again. "i'm, uh... shit," he mutters to himself and his eyes look everywhere but at me. "sorry."

"what? for what?" my breathing is sill heavy and i try to calm myself.

"i, uh, you know," he pauses to clear his throat quietly. "got a bit carried away there. again."

"no, don't apologize." i swallow thick and close my eyes, reliving the feeling again. "i enjoyed it." i let out a breathy laugh and my cheeks are blushing so much it burns a bit. "probably too much."

"i hope you don't take this the wrong way," he pauses and furrows his eyebrows, taking my hand in his. my heart sinks. "but it's probably too soon, you know? not because i don't want to, not because you're not attractive. i just... respect you. i want to do this right," he explains quietly, his lips turning down a little. "i love you."

"i love you, too."

-

i wake up the next morning and josh isn't next to me. i sigh and roll over to his side of the bed, basking in the leftover scent of his cologne and body wash.

recalling last night, my heartbeat quickens again and i shake my head. i stand up and stretch, trying to push those thoughts back.

i pull one of josh's t-shirts on, not wanting to get one from my room in case either of his sisters are asleep.

i walk downstairs and see everyone but abigail sitting around in the living room.

"tyler." josh smiles when he sees me. "we were just talking about you."

"good things i hope." i sit next to him on the couch.

"of course. i was just telling them how you play the piano." i can hear the fondness in his voice and i blush.

"play something for us," jordan encourages me from the arm chair.

"oh, i don't know," i mumble, hesitant and shy.

"come on. please?" josh nudges me with his elbow.

i nod and stand up. "okay, okay. just, don't judge too hard."

i take my seat on the bench and clear my throat, letting my hands find their places on the instrument.

"you will never know what's behind my skull, so won't you say goodnight, so i can say goodbye. you will never know what's under my hair, so won't you say goodnight so i can say goodbye. you will never know what's under my skin, so won't you say goodnight so i can say goodbye. you will never know what is in my veins, so won't you say goodnight so i can say goodbye. won't you go to someone else's dreams? won't you go to someone else's head? haven't you taken enough from me? won't you torture someone else's sleep?"

when i finish my song, i turn around and everyone claps. josh is smiling brightly and jordans eyes are watery.

"tyler, you're so talented," ashley says, her voice quiet. "that was amazing."

i shrug, unable to handle the compliments. "i, um, thanks."

they leave a few hours after, and josh and i are left with scott, eating sandwhiches at the kitchen table.

"when are you gonna get married, josh?" scott takes a sip of his tea and stares at the boy.

"i don't know." josh sighs, and i can tell he's tense. i want to hold his hand or run my hand through his hair, something to comfort him.

"what about you, tyler? you gotta girl back home?" scott turns to me then, his eyebrows raised.

"i, uh. no?" i fumble through my sentence and clear my throat, taking a huge sip of my own drink.

it's difficult being put on the spot like that and my tensity suddenly matches josh's.

"y'all are somethin' else, i'll tell ya. neither of you got plans for the future? no girlfriends? i was married and working a full time job by the time i was your age," scott rambles on, somewhat lecturing, and i tune out.

i love being with josh, but i definitely won't miss his uncle.

the day passes fairly slowly after that, and that night, josh and i are laying in his room talking.

"i just wish he would leave me alone, you know? if he wouldn't ask, i wouldn't have to lie." he sighs and lays his head on my chest.

i run my hands through his hair gently and hum. "i know... i'm sorry."

"it's okay i guess," he replies, his voice quiet. "at least i have you."

(an: remember when jordan said his favorite tøp song was anathema and he would cry to it and then he started talking about sneezing on command we stan)