farm boy // joshler

21

josh's point of view

the morning after our... encounter, tyler tries his hardest not to look directly at me. the few times we make eye contact, he blushes brighter than the strawberries we're harvesting.

"tyler, are you alright?" i wipe my hands on my t-shirt and pick up the basket of fruit.

"what?" his cheeks are red again as he works on the vegetables.

"are you okay? you've been, um," i clear my throat, unsure of how to word this in a way that doesn't make things any more awkward than they already are. i abandon my last sentence and start again, "i'm sorry."

"what?" he repeats himself, standing up now and resting his hands on his hips.

"you seem, like, uncomfortable around me now. i'm sorry."

he steps forward and hugs me before he says anything. i wrap my arms around him and then he speaks. "not uncomfortable at all. i promise." he pulls away with a soft smile. "i've just never really done anything, and i didn't know if it was going to change things between us."

i sigh in relief and smile down at him. "things don't have to change if you don't want them to. i'm okay with whatever you're okay with, you know? i guess i just forgot that you weren't as... experienced." i take his hand in mine and squeeze it. "but that's okay, too. we can move at your pace, and if i ever make you uncomfortable, just tell me."

"you could never make me uncomfortable. too comfortable, maybe." he laughs a little and squeezes back.

"come on. let's finish up and go to the treehouse, yeah?"

"okay." he nods and we both do our best to finish quickly. we walk back to the house after, and tyler showers first.

while he's showering, i take my computer out and refresh my email. i still don't have anything in my inbox from the art school. it's a bit disheartening, even though i wasn't serious about going.

it's nice to have hope, but with the application already in, there's a higher chance of being rejected. if i didn't apply, i knew for sure i wouldn't be denied.

i close my computer and sigh, standing up and stretching.  i figure tyler is almost done showering by now, so i wait in the hall until i hear the water turn off.

he steps out with a towel wrapped around his waist and walks past me, a small smile on his face.

i walk in after him and go about taking my shower. i stand under the water until it goes cold, thinking about what it would be like if i had gone to public school for my last year of high school.

would i have had a boyfriend? would i have applied to art school sooner?

there are lots of questions in my mind that can't and won't ever be answered. it bothers me to some extent, but when i'm dressed again and painting in the basement, the self-doubt leaves my mind.

i'm painting tyler again, sitting at his piano, his eyes closed and his mouth open. he'll get into college. whether it's for music or whatever else, i have no doubt that his intelligence and talent will take him farther in life than i'll ever get.

thinking about his future, which most likely won't have me in it, causes a wave of sadness to wash over me. i drown it out with color on canvas and louder music playing through the small speaker of my phone.

"is that me?" tyler's voice finds its way into my line of hearing and i turn. he's standing in one of my t-shirts and a pair of leggings.

"oh, um, yeah. it is." i turn back to my painting then, trying to hide how happy it makes me that he's wearing one of my things. "is that my t-shirt?"

"yeah," he answers sheepishly and i can hear the smile in his tone. "do you mind? i just couldn't find any clean clothes of my own."

"not at all, love. it looks much better on you anyway. you could probably wear a garbage bag and still look adorable." i step away from my painting and closer to him. i bring my hand up to caress his cheek and then kiss his forehead.

"joshua, if you just got paint on my face after i've already showered, i will end you."

-

saturday rolls around and we eat our breakfast in the diner.

tyler scarfs down his food this morning, obviously hungrier than normal.

"slow down, boy. this ain't prison. no one's gonna take it from ya." uncle scott laughs at tyler, whose cheeks are stuffed full of pancake.

"sorry." he swallows and wipes his strawberry pink lips with a napkin. "it's just really good."

"you know what else is really good?" miss patty walks over to our table and takes a seat next to uncle scott. "this man right here." she kisses his cheek and for the first time maybe ever, i see him blush.

"uncle scott, the ladies man." i laugh a little and wink at the two of them.

"speaking of, scott, would you be interested in coming to my house for lunch after church tomorrow mornin'?" she looks over at him and then back at me and tyler. "you boys are welcome to come too."

"no, they're not. i'll be there though," uncle scott answers for everyone and then kicks me gently under the table.

"oh." i clear my throat. "yeah, tyler and i were going to do something tomorrow night anyway."

"we were?" tyler takes a sip of his drink.

"yeah. that thing, remember?" i nudge him in the side and he gets the hint.

"oh! right."

"okay. your loss then. i'll have scotty send home leftover sweet potato pie for you then." she squeezes uncle scott's shoulder and then leaves our table.

"look at you go." i hold my hand out to high five scott and he chuckles.

"thank you." his smile is wide and the rest of our visit stays in a comfortable silence.

(an: i have a sinus infection send help)