Can We Find A New Beginning?

Chapter 19

Alex kissed me.

I wanted nothing more than to kiss him back.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't because he was kissing me out of love. And I was going to respond out of pure likeness, some would even say lust.

I placed my hand on his chest and reluctantly pushed him away. He looked up at me, hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Alex." I whispered, looking away.

"No, I'm sorry." he sighed. "You just got your memory back and I'm rushing things." he said.

I shook my head. "It's not that..." I picked at my nail polish.

"Then what is it?" he begged with his eyes, his voice just above a whisper.

"Lex, do you love me?" I asked.

He nodded. "I do, I always have and I always will. Sky, I love you more than I could ever explain." he said.

I sighed. "That's the thing, you love me. And I, I just-- I only like you. I can't toy with your emotions like that." I explained.

He frowned. "You don't love me?" he asked. "But I thought you got your memory back?"

"And I did! But what I feel, I can't just feel the same way I felt all those years ago. Alex, what I feel now is what counts, I like you, I really like you but I don't-- I mean, I..."

"You don't love me." he finished off.

I sighed and nodded as I looked away from his beautiful eyes yet again.

"I understand." he murmured sadly, getting up to leave as I stayed quizzically looking at the floor.

Why did it hurt so much to reject him? Why did it hurt so much to know he was sad because of me? Why did it hurt so much to know that he still loved me?

Maybe because I knew that deep down, in the furthest part of the back of my head, somewhere along all my deepest, darkest memories, I still loved Alex. And know that I actually remembered, he was slowly bringing all those feelings back by simply being him, by simply being around.

I picked my camera up off the floor and finished setting it up, taking my time to adjust the parts correctly.

"May I come in?" Damon asked already standing at the entrance.

I shrugged, not really paying attention.

"So... I didn't mean to overhear but I did." he started. "I heard you talking to Alex and I just, you, I mean he, you two are so complicated!" he raised his voice in annoyance.

I looked up at him and frowned. "You have no right to judge me after you've overheard a conversation that was none of your business." I snapped.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Skylar, I know you like him. I know you really like him and he loves you. So why don't you guys just give it a go?" he asked.

I shook my head. "You don't understand." I murmured, strapping my camera around my neck as I was getting ready to run off.

"Could it maybe be that you're afraid Alex is going to expect you to be the same person you were back then?" Damon asked, his eyes looking attentively at me.

"And you're afraid that you can't be that person he expects you to be." a third voice chirped in.

I looked up at the doorway to see Jack leaning against the door.