An old man died on the toilet, only to revived 5 seconds later to realize there was no tp.
He had wide round eyes with varicose veins covering the whites and a crown of white greasy strings connected around his skull as hair, leaving the center bald.
"Rrrrrr-RAWH!" the old man shouted in a mixture of anger and surprise as he glanced around the wooden outhouse in a frenzy, his eyes scanning for anything to wipe his fat stinky old wrinkled hairy spotted buns with.
Seeing as there was clearly nothing, he cackled as an idea lit up his brain like a casino, and then he lifted his wrinkled fat hairy buns off the wooden rickety toilet seat with chipped forest green paint, then he began wiping his buns on the wooden toilet seat as best and as hard as he could, leaving behind dark brown colored harsh poop streaks that smelled like a thousand corpses.
He laughed as he began to slap his bun hole against the toilet seat in a rage and somewhat of a game mode, when suddenly, the outhouse shook with a violent force as a loud thud of somebody or something slamming their body against it.
Causing the old man to slam his buns back down on the toilet seat, which in turn, cracked and lodged his whole round fat ass cheeks into the toilet.
"Hu-hu.. Huhllo?" the old man said in a hoarse whisper, fear and wonderment grasping his brain in its iron clutches.
His giant round wrinkled dumbo ears opened up to the extent of a disk as he listened intently, the sound of loud, heavy footsteps manually pounded against the dirt outside the outhouse as whatever it was made its way to the door of the outhouse.
Whatever it was, must've been big, the old man thought to himself until something large blocked the only light peaking into the outhouse through the crescent moon cut-out on the door, shrouding the fearful old man in darkness.
He stared at the crescent moon, wondering what was blocking it since he could only see darkness and what looked like the texture of hair through the crescent moon.
The old man then repeated himself "ye-yello?". When suddenly, a large neon yellow eye the size of a disk with a small black diamond shaped pupil peaked through the moon cut-out on the door.
It took the old man a few minutes to realize what it was then a shock went through his wrinkled bag of a body as a scream made its way through his groggy frog-filled throat.
"AHHHHHH!" then the outhouse door got ripped open since there was no lock, standing tall and large in front of him was a giant hairy sasquatch that wreaked of onions, rotten tatoes, and BBQ ranch doritos/egg salad/dill pickle farts.
The smell swirled around the old man, wreaking havoc on his senses. He almost passed out, but then he died, and then he revived 3 seconds later to see the sasquatch's giant hairy cone head still standing there, staring him down.
"GAAHHHH!" the old man shrieked, then his ween, which was tucked between his buns in the toilet out of fear like a dog tucking its tail, started wizzing which then in turn, both stung and loosened up his bun cheeks enough to unlodge them out of the toilet.
Then the old man did the only thing he could, seeing as the sasquatch was blocking the door way, trapping him in the outhouse.
So In a quick minute decision, he launched himself like a torpedo out of the toilet and through the gap of the sasquatch's legs which were parted in a stance, but instead of going smoothly through, he ended up wiping the sasquatch's wiener off on his greasy head, half getting suffocated in the gnarly butt hairs.
And as his head parted through to the other side, he got lodged between the sasquatch's giant hairy quadruple balloon buns.
The sasquatch then flexed its buns, its large bun muscles squishing the old man's head, making all the blood rush to his head as his face turned beet red, the sasquatch then let its buns relax, causing the old man to slide out of its bun cheeks onto the pine-needle ridden ground below.
The sasquatch then ripped the poop-streaked toilet seat from its socket then turned around and began to beat the old man's head with it until it got lodged around his neck like a tutu.
Then the sasquatch began to saunter off, feeling like justice had been served. 2 minutes later, the old man's hand moved, indicating he was still indeed alive, then the sasquatch raced back over and began to body slam into the old man, after body slamming the old man 7 times.
Then the sasquatch pried apart its large hairy ape buns and then did a butt slam/cannon ball onto the old man's back, cracking the old man's spine in half.
The sasquatch then took a large steaming swirly green dump 30 inches tall on the old man's back, then the sasquatch began to bounce up and down with its buns still on the old man's back whilst wiping it's buns on the old man's white t-shirt.
Then it stood up and pointed its colossal ape buns at the old man's head and let out a giant cloud of poo-green tomato and pine-nut farts that instantly swirled into the old man's nostrils, which ate away at his brain like acid.
The sasquatch then kicked dirt up on the old man's corpse 3 times like a dog or cat would to its dump. Then the sasquatch closed the door to the outhouse, and then picked a wild rose and sniffed it which caused bugs and petals to fly up its nose, leaving just a stem behind.
Then the sasquatch did a few twirls then began to frolic off into the forest, doing a few heel clicks as it went, disappearing into the vast density of the green forest.
Never to be seen again until another human decides to use the outhouse, dubbed Odalin's Outhouse, which people believed to be the sasquatch's name.
