Endurances

Part 31 - What's The Alternative?

-Ethan's POV-

*Play song now, but if it ends before you're finished reading, play this one.*

When would this pain go away? I couldn't stand it any longer. Part of me thought that just ending it all would make everything better. Make other people's life better as well. Without me around, Elliana and Grayson could have a real relationship, my mom could stop stressing about me, and these innocent girls could maybe get the chance to live a normal life.

What was the alternative? The thing I wanted to do was clear, but Elliana sounded so sure when she said she needed me. After I kissed her, she didn't feel so sure of that i'm sure. I really wanted to just end it all, escape my mind, leave the pain, and make others happier.

How would I get away with it though? First, I would want to write letters to the people who claim to love me.

I got up from my bed and walked over to my desk to begin writing.

Grayson,

From the moment we were born, I knew we were gonna be best friends. You have helped me so much and I can't explain in words how grateful I am for that. When we were growing up, I could rely on you for everything. We were the closest two people could ever get, and I didn't think that would ever change. You found someone who you love more than you love me, and that's great, i'm happy for you. I hope you live the rest of your life happily with Elliana and never worry about what has happened to me. I hope that you will never forget that I am still with you, no matter what. I will always be protecting you from above, and I hope you never forget me. You were the best brother I could ever ask for, and I couldn't imagine growing up without you. I'm so sorry I continue to disappoint you though, I'm so sorry I've changed. I wish I could rewind. I love you to death, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Everyday became harder and harder. Harder to wake up in the morning, harder to interact with people, and harder to feel. I know you don't understand, and I don't expect you to. I don't know what else to tell other than I really am sorry, but I know you won't believe me, I'm sorry. I hope you and Elliana make more beautiful memories, when you get married, remember I'll be watching and smiling down on you from above. When your first born takes their first steps and says their first words, I'll be there.

Have a great life,
Ethan

I had tears rolling down my cheeks, each one landing on the note as they fell. Now on to Elliana.

Elliana,

The past few years with you have been terrific. You've taught me so much and I can't thank you enough for it. You taught me to love, how to cherish even the littlest things, and most importantly, how to move on. I've taken your teachings into consideration, and I'm moving on. I really appreciate how much you cared for me, and how happy you made me, but I could tell I didn't return the favor. I'm returning the favor now though. I will be out of you and Grayson's way, but know I will still be there with you. I hope you know that I love you to the fullest extent and I will never stop loving you. Our love is forbidden, and that's something I am unable to live with. I wish I would've realized my love for you sooner, but Grayson got to you first. I'm extremely happy for you guys and how far you've come. I hope you live the rest of your life happily with him, and this way, I won't be stopping you. I need to do this because I can't stand myself anymore. I make no difference in this world and I can't keep on doing this. I had no more effort to do anything. I didn't want to wake up in the morning, I didn't want to talk to people, and I just lost feeling. For everything around me. All I could feel was pain, and I couldn't take it anymore. I am really sorry for everything, I love you.

Have a nice life,
Ethan

I knew I had to write one for my mom as well, but I was to overwhelmed right now. I layed down on my bed, and cried myself to sleep.