Endurances

Part 32 - The End Of The World As We Know It

Don't play song yet

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-Grayson's POV-

Elliana came running into my room one morning, rambling on about how she had a long lost brother named Camryn, and how she needed to find him or she wouldn't be able to live with herself. I was going to help her obviously, but I was a little bit skeptic. How could she have a brother and not remember him whatsoever? Not even a glimpse.

She was really determined to find him, and this Emma girl claimed she knew him, so he had to be real.

Elliana and I headed over to Ethan's room to get his opinion and to have him help us. It was going to be hard to find this guy, since all we had was his name, but it might be a little easier if we had some help.

When we arrived at his door, we could hear music blasting through the walls, the music sounded super depressing, and I could barely hear myself think because it was so loud. I wonder why he had it like that, he's never really done that before.

*Play song*

I pushed open his door slowly and the sight in front of me sent me running towards Ethan. It felt like everything was in slow motion, I couldn't get to him fast enough, no matter how hard I tried. Ethan was lying on the ground in front of me with an empty bottle of pills beside him. He was unconscious, but I thought he was still breathing.

When I got to him, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. How could he have done this? And how did I not notice what was happening. I was a shitty brother, I could've done something.

I tried to shake him awake, but nothing happened, he had no signs of response. His pupils were completely dilated, but his heart was still beating thankfully.

Elliana was right by my side, she was crying as well.

She bent down and layed on him, "I could've stopped this" she sobbed

"We both could have" I replied, my voice cracking

"I-I didn't even know this was happening."

"Me either baby, but he's still alive yeah?"

"G-Grayson?"

I looked over at her, inspecting his abdomen, "what is it?"

She started crying even harder, "Look Gray"

There were cuts all over his side and abs, deep ones too. Some looked older, and some were brand new.

She looked up at me, her eyes hazed over with pain, "H- he's been doing this for a while Gray. How did we not notice!"

I shook my head

She managed to yell through her sobs, "GRAYSON SAY SOMETHING, YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE!"

Another tear rolled down my cheek, how did this happen. I couldn't feel anything. This wasn't real, it couldn't be.

"Ethan" I whispered "Ethan wake up"

Elliana stood up, searching frantically around the room

She was still sobbing, "THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING HERE!"

When she got to his desk, she froze instantly.

"Gray" she whispered

I stood up and walked over to her. In her hand she was holding three notes. One for me, one for my mom, and one for her.

"These must be his suicide notes" she whispered

"He's not dead!" I snapped back.

I felt bad that I snapped at Elliana, but it was true. He was still breathing, and we just had to wait till he woke up. If he did wake up.

I picked up the note and read it out loud,

"Grayson,

From the moment we were born, I knew we were gonna be best friends. You have helped me so much and I can't explain in words how grateful I am for that. When we were growing up, I could rely on you for everything. We were the closest two people could ever get, and I didn't think that would ever change. You found someone who you love more than you love me, and that's great, i'm happy for you. I hope you live the rest of your life happily with Elliana and never worry about what has happened to me. I hope that you will never forget that I am still with you, no matter what. I will always be protecting you from above, and I hope you never forget me. You were the best brother I could ever ask for, and I couldn't imagine growing up without you. I'm so sorry I continue to disappoint you though, I'm so sorry I've changed. I wish I could rewind. I love you to death, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Everyday became harder and harder. Harder to wake up in the morning, harder to interact with people, and harder to feel. I know you don't understand, and I don't expect you to. I don't know what else to tell other than I really am sorry, but I know you won't believe me, I'm sorry. I hope you and Elliana make more beautiful memories, when you get married, remember I'll be watching and smiling down on you from above. When your first born takes their first steps and says their first words, I'll be there.

Have a great life,
Ethan

Elliana and I were both a complete wreck at this point, she came over to me and I held her in my arms, we would get through this, together. All three of us.

"What did yours say El?"

She pulled it out of her pocket, unfolded it, and began reading.

"Elliana,

The past few years with you have been terrific. You've taught me so much and I can't thank you enough for it. You taught me to love, how to cherish even the littlest things, and most importantly, how to move on. I've taken your teachings into consideration, and I'm moving on. I really appreciate how much you cared for me, and how happy you made me, but I could tell I didn't return the favor. I'm returning the favor now though. I will be out of you and Grayson's way, but know I will still be there with you. I hope you know that I love you to the fullest extent and I will never stop loving you. Our love is forbidden, and that's something I am unable to live with. I wish I would've realized my love for you sooner, but Grayson got to you first. I'm extremely happy for you guys and how far you've come. I hope you live the rest of your life happily with him, and this way, I won't be stopping you. I need to do this because I can't stand myself anymore. I make no difference in this world and I can't keep on doing this. I had no more effort to do anything. I didn't want to wake up in the morning, I didn't want to talk to people, and I just lost feeling. For everything around me. All I could feel -"

She got cut off by her own tears. She was crying so hard, she couldn't see or speak any longer. I took her into my arms and held her close to me.

She pulled away from me, and looked up at me with her big, teary eyes. "Do you think he's going to be okay?"

I wiped the tear that fell down her cheek, "Ethan's a fighter, I know he'll be okay"

I said that just so Elliana would feel better, but I was beginning to doubt my statement as well.

God dammit Ethan