Don't Do It

T w e n t y - s i x

•Dean's POV•

I stare out the window whilst sitting on my bed, my legs crossed, sulking and thinking deeply about life. I've been through a lot of shit like a passage, and it's getting to me.

I had to deal with things that were despicable at a very young age. I guess I'm still young because being eighteen means nothing.

I don't have a lot of life experiences to prove I've lived a long life, so I'm juvenile.

"Dean?" I don't have to turn around to know that Dylan is calling me. I didn't even hear him when he opened the door. I'm not in the right state of mind at the moment.

My back is facing the door, because I don't want anyone who passes through it to see my face. It's vapid and lifeless, exposing the way I feel inside. My eyes are droopy, and dead. The way my mouth is so dry, my lips are chapped and cracking, glued together.

I'm catatonic. All this fatigue is killing me; there's no point in trying to be strong and pretending it's not. I've been doing that for too long. "Dean," Dylan whispers. "Are you okay?"

Is he really talking to me? The last time I checked, he wanted nothing to do with me, and I accepted that. We both did. Now he's here asking if I'm okay. After two weeks.

What the fuck?

I would answer him if I had the energy. I'm exhausted, drained, and on the verge of tears. I want to cry, praying that it will relieve my anger and melancholy. Mom used to tell me it's okay for a man to cry, no matter how strong you are. We're all human. We were made to have feelings.

"Tell me what's on your mind." Dylan sits beside me, watching me intently even though I'm looking straight ahead. There's a void in my heart that can never be filled. I'll never live a happy life, and find a place I can truly call home. The worst part is I know.

Slowly, I turn my head to face Dylan, a lone tear rolling down my cheek. "I'm worthless, nothing but a waste of space." I say, my lips quivering. "I'm a shithead. You said it yourself."

"No, you're not. And I was angry at the time." Dylan says. His eyes are wide, probably because of my harsh and honest words. I laugh humourlessly. "But you meant it, brother. You can't deny that."

He clears his throat, and sucks on his upper teeth. This conversation is making him uncomfortable, I can clearly tell. Well, I've informed him of how I'm feeling at last. Throughout these two weeks, we've been ignoring one another and, everyday, the pressure was building itself up.

It was bound to burst at some point. "Dad said I must tell you to go to your appointment. What's it for?" Dylan questions, changing the subject subtly. He doesn't need to say anything about my earlier statement since I know the answer.

"Nothing important. That's why I didn't go." I shrug.

Dylan scoffs, standing up before pacing around the room in front of me. His hands are in level with his chest as he breathes heavily, curling his hands into fists. "Nothing important?" he repeats. "Don't fucking lie to me, Dean."

"I'm not lying."

"Then tell me what the appointment is for!" Dylan retaliates, his voice so loud that I have to cover my ears momentarily. This is the one thing I didn't miss about him. His short temper. "I'm tired of the secrets."

The secrets. He's completely right. I've been keeping information away from him, but not for a long time. If I had to estimate it's probably a month since I started going to these so called appointments.

I did it out of my own free will, thinking that it may help me to become a better person. I regretted everything after the very first appointment, but kept returning because giving up easily wasn't something I was prepared to do.

Because I'm a changed man, I had hope. Now, not so much. "I'm in therapy."

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•Arianna's POV•

So this is how it feels once you've lost your virginity — normal. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary has occurred, except that I started bleeding during the sex. I'm not on my period. This is just a thing that happens to show a girl is not a virgin anymore.

I can't undo it now that I've done it. I hate myself for succumbing to Jake, and for not having enough willpower. I'm a shit excuse for a girlfriend. I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself for betraying Dylan. He doesn't deserve this.

He doesn't deserve me.

What have I done? I think, not realising that I actually said it out loud. "It's not your fault," Jake says, sympathetically, whilst buckling his belt. I have to refrain from biting my lip since he looks extremely sexy.

I know I just slept with him, but my hormones are still on high. I wouldn't mind kissing him endlessly. He has the softest and tastiest lips ever.

"Jake," I mutter. "It is my fault. I could've stopped everything . . . but I didn't." Looking at him with tears pricking at my eyes, I exhale softly, shrugging.

"And I should've kept my distance but I didn't. So we're both to blame." His feet shamble across the tiled floor as he edges closer to me, before sitting next to me on the bed. The space between us is so tight that I almost find his presence suffocating.

My breath hitches as everything I perceive begins to become blurry — a clear indication that I'm going to cry at any second.

"Promise me one thing, Ari." I'm too distraught to even look at Jake. I'd rather hear his voice, since it comforts me, somehow. "Promise me that you'll tell Dylan about this."

"What?" No. No fucking way. I'm not prepared to face Dylan's wrath.

"You heard me. I need to know that you'll tell him, and be honest with him. He deserves the truth." Jake retorts with a strong undertone, his voice a bit gruff.

When he tightens his jaw, that's when I know for sure he's fucking serious. "He has to know about whatever is happening between us."

"Are you mad?" I suddenly yell. As tears cascade down my cheeks, I hold onto my hair and pull it so hard that my skull hurts, because I'm frustrated and overwhelmed. "Dylan will flip, literally, if he hears what we've been up to. What I've been up to."

"That's not a good reason to not tell him," Jake shakes his head. He gives me a penetrating glare, almost as if he's scouring my soul for a deeper reason as to why I'm against this.

"Relationships are about honesty and trust, two things that you've broken. I'm not saying you're a bad person, but if you don't tell him, you'll become one."

It slowly dawns on me that Jake has a point. Dylan gave me his trust and has always been truthful with me since day one in our relationship. Now it's all torn into pieces just because I couldn't keep my mouth and legs closed.

"But I don't want to hurt him, okay? I know I should tell him, and believe me when I say I want to, but something stops me each time. I don't know how I'll be able to live knowing I'm the cause of his heartbreak. I love him."

Jake sighs. Arching his back, he leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, intertwining his fingers. "If you really love him, why are we here in the first place?"

That statement is enough to shut me up completely. I mean, I never thought of it that way. So this means I don't love my own boyfriend?

It can't be. Actually, I don't know what to think. Wait, was I even thinking when I did all this? No one told me life was going to be this difficult.

Don't lie, Ari. my inner voice tells me. Your parents told you many times.

But I never listened once.

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