Remind Me [WWE] [Shawn Michaels] {Book 2}

Chapter Four: I Never Meant To Hurt Her

|Shwan|

December 1995

Two brunette girls giggled as they walked past the wrestlers.

"Woahhh. Who are they?" I asked, in awe. They were beautiful, and I didn't remember seeing them around before. Though, I could have been wrong.

"Vince's daughters," Scott answered. "Off limits."

The entire locker room had better steer clear of them if that was the case. Vince would crack down hard on anyone that messed with his daughters, I was sure.

Still, I was intrigued by them.

"Do you know their names?"

"Jail and Bait," he joked. "Come on, man. Forget about them. Vince might shoot ya just for looking if he gets the right mindset."

I wanted to take his advice, but my mind kept jumping back to those girls.

When I met Kat, I knew exactly who see was. I knew Vince would be pissed, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from getting to know her.

***

I paced the length of Paul's hotel room, ranting to him. "So, what does Leslie do for a living anyway? And what kind of name is Leslie?"

"Why are you so interested in him?"

"I'm not."

He sighed, exhausted with my questions already. This was the same game we had been playing for 7 years now. Me spouting whatever was on my mind, and Paul doing his best to be my conscience and give me advice. And typically, it was a frustrating endeavor for both of us.

Today, it was more painful for him. If I had to listen to my own ramblings, I would probably feel the same.

"If you must know, he's in a band," he said.

"A band? I'm sure that's profitable."

"You know, he's actually a really cool guy once you get to know him," Paul told me. He seemed to be taking a little offense to my jabs at Kat's new boyfriend. It wasn't that I had anything against the guy personally, but he had what I didn't. "We're all friends with him."

"Really?"

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help feeling like I was replaced. Not only in Kat's life, but in the rest of my friends' lives as well.

"Face it, Shawn. You're jealous."

"I'm not jealous, I just..." I couldn't even think of a good excuse. I sighed. "Can you blame me? She's a hell of a girl."

"She's a woman," he corrected. "And she can make her own decisions on who she wants to date."

I sat down beside him on the bed with a huff. "I know, I know. I just... I can't get her out of my head. I talked to my buddy, the preacher, about it, and he said I'm just trying to repent for my old sins. But it's more than that. If that was it, she would have gotten an apology and I'd be on my way."

I apologized to everyone I could think of when I came back. I was awful to everyone I knew back in the day, made a lot of bad impressions, and walked all over a lot of people. Now that I was clean and could reflect on how I used to be, I knew that wasn't right.

Whether they wanted to forgive me was their own choice. I felt better with myself knowing I had at least tried to bury the hatchet.

I did the same with Kat, though I barely scratched the surface of everything I had to apologize to her for. I made her life a living hell when we were together, and she deserved so much better than that. She deserved so much better than me. I had so much I wanted to say to her, but when I finally saw her sitting there, I forgot it all.

Since then, I hadn't been able to shake her.

"Well, she's always going to be around. Not only is she the daughter of your boss, she's friends with all of your friends," he said. "You need a clean conscience with her if you want to keep working here."

"No, Paul, I'm telling you, it's not that. I can't stop thinking about her. The way she talks, the way she moves... I'm still in love with her," I realized.

Paul sighed for the hundredth time. "You realize you have absolutely no chance, right?"

"I know that," I told him. Deep down, I knew I would never deserve that woman if I lived a thousand lifetimes. She was too good. "I know it's unfair to her, but I want her back. I just keep thinking about how much better I could be to her now. She's the one."

Even when I was with Rebecca, it wasn't the same. Kat was the one girl I could see myself living forever with.

"I agree," he said. "That's extremely unfair to Kat. You break her heart, disappear for four fucking years, and now you show up again and expect her to welcome you back with open arms." He left his seat in his anger.

He reached his breaking point and was getting more annoyed with me by the second. Kat was like a sister to Paul, ever since I introduced them, and he had been around to witness all the shit I put her through in the 90s.

I didn't blame him for defending her or for telling me when to shut up. It was what I needed.

It still didn't feel good. I stood up after him. "I resent that."

"You can resent it all you want," he argued. "You can even be mad at me, Shawn. But I'm not letting you hurt Kat again. You guys had a good run, but she's moved on. Maybe you should too."

"I never meant to hurt her," I said. It was true, but probably the weakest argument in the history of time. After I said it, I wished I had just shut my mouth and let him lay into me. I had no right to Kat or to even argue about her, and we both knew it.

"But you did. You fucked up bad, Shawn. If you want any hope of getting back in Kat's good graces, you have to start over. Completely. You can't keep riding on memories from the past. You've both changed; now you have to prove it to her," he said. He then got in my face. "And I love you, brother, but if you pull any of the shit you did last time, you can expect an ass beating."

I wasn't even sure what to say. He was right. He was always right, if I was being honest. I could have avoided a lot of pain and suffering if I had just listened to Paul.

"Completely clean slate. As if you're meeting her for the first time. That's the only way you can be friends with Kat," he continued. "You don't own her. She has a boyfriend, and you have to respect that."

I knew what I needed to do. I just really didn't want to.

I needed to just forget about any feelings I had for Kat. Nothing good could come from me pining over her like this, when she had her own family. I needed to be the better man in my own head and let it go.

Here's the kicker: being the better man sucks.

I sank back onto the edge of the bed and let my face fall into my hands. What was I doing?

"You're right," I muttered.

Paul sat next to me and set a hand on my shoulder. "I know. It's hard and it sucks ass, I get it. But it's what you have to do."

"I won't ruin her life this time. I can't."

"I know. I won't let you," he attempted to crack a joke.

Just be friends with Kat. Pretend like I've never met her, and act like I'm making a new friend. I could do that.

I had to do that. It was that or not be in her life at all.

All I had to do was shove down all of my feelings for the rest of time.

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-A/N-
Yall are really hooked if you're here even after I haven't posted in like forever. I am sorry for that, BTW. Life's been throwing me all sorts of shit at the end of senior year, ya feel me?
Anyway, here's Shwan being sad about Kat. This flashback isn't that long. I'm thinking some of them will be lengthier and some will be short like this.
Thoughts?