(Marauders era) Remus Lupin x depressed reader.

4

You sighed and walked into the food area, James and the others were already there, chatting cheerily about something. When Remus saw you his smile brighten and he used his hand to beckon to sit with them. You reluctantly obliged, already regretting coming here, due to the amount of people in here that could notice you. 

"Y/n! You actually came!" James said. You put on a fake smile and sat down next to Remus. You looked for any forcedness in his voice that might tell you he was faking it. You couldn't find any so you responded with, 

"Mhm!" As soon as you said that, bacon, eggs, pancakes, waffles, crepes and other breakfast foods appeared on the table. You loved crepes, they reminded you of when you were 4, before your mother died. She would put you on the counter next the food and let you try to make one of your own. They almost never were edible, but you enjoyed them none the less.

"You okay, Y/n?" Sirius asked. You hadn't realized it but a tear had started to roll down your face at the memory. 

"Yup!" You smiled sweetly and started to grab some pancakes, but James grabbed your hand. You tensed up. 

"If there's anything wrong, you can tell us, you know that right?" he said. You looked down at the table sadly. You knew you couldn't tell them, no matter how much you wanted to pour your heart out and tell them how your dad treated you and about your self harm, you couldn't, you just couldn't. 

"Mhm, I know, there's nothing wrong, there was just something in my eye, don't worry about it, guys." He sighed and let go of your hand, leaving you to grab the pancakes you were reaching for. You pulled your hand back, deciding you weren't hungry anymore. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore," you said and pushed yourself up from the table. 

"Where are you going?" Remus asked, his eyes filled with concern. You ignored it and tried to think up a lie that they would believe. 

"T-To the Potions room..." You mentally cursed. Why couldn't you just say a lie without stuttering? Suddenly, you remembered what your father would do when you stuttered. He'd usually choke you until you could take speak a sentence of his choosing, without stuttering or faltering. "Sorry!" you said and tried to walk away, but James had grabbed your wrists, making them sting. You tried to get out of his grasp, but he was too strong.

"You okay?" His voice was filled with concern. You didn't answer, but instead looked at the ground, letting your hair fall in front of your face. You could feel all of the Gryffinfor's eyes on you, and it was starting to become too much. You wrenched out of his grip and ran toward the common room.

You tried to hold in your tears, but couldn't. You fell to the ground sobbing, not being able to contain yourself. You had hoped that they hadn't followed you, and thought they didn't, when a voice proved you wrong. 

"Y/n?" Remus sat next to you. "Are you okay?" He seemed genuinely concerned. You wished you could tell him how much you weren't okay. You wanted to let him in. But, you couldn't, he would get hurt. 

"Yeah! I'm fine!" You quickly wiped the tears of your face and stood up. His faced filled with confusion, probably wondering how you changed moods so quickly. 

"Oh, okay." He sounded relived. Yeah relived he doesn't have to deal with your fake shit any longer. You held out your hand for him to take, and pulled him to his feet. 

"We better get going, after all, we have a class to get to, right?" You said. He nodded and followed you to potions. 

You managed to stay focused by digging your nails into your palms for most of class. The boys seemed happy that they didn't have shake you every five seconds to make sure you took in the information. 

Right now you were in DADA(defense against the dark arts) sitting between Sirius and Remus. The teacher was explaining a few simple deflector spells. You were fighting to stay focused when you realized that you had started to make your right palm bleed, a lot. 

"Shit!" you mumbled under your breath. Sirius turned to you obviously confused at why you had suddenly sworn. 

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. 

"N-nothing!" you whispered quickly. He saw that you were covering your right palm with your left hand and started to reach for it, but you quickly pulled it away. After a few moments of him trying to grab it to see what was wrong, he decided scribbled something down a piece of parchment and handed it to Remus. Remus looked at him and nodded, before carefully grabbing your hand and placing it in Sirius'. He forcefully(but nicely) took your left hand away from your right so he could inspect the palm. When he saw the dripping amounts of blood coming from palm, he quietly gasped. He could tell you did this with your nails, due to the shape of the small 4 slits, that blood was coming from. 

"Why would you do this, Y/n?" he asked. You wanted to lie, but, you could tell that he would be able to see right through it, so you stuck with the truth. 

"I was trying to stay focused by digging my nails into my palm and I must've done it too hard, without realizing it," you explained. His face filled with confusion and disbelief. "I didn't lie, I promi-" he cut you off.

"I know you didn't lie, I just don't know how you could've done this without realizing, wouldn't it have hurt a lot before?" 

"Well, yeah! Maybe I just wasn't paying attention long enough to notice!" You let out a nervous laugh. 

"Okay, but after class we're gonna take you to Madam Pomfrey." You nodded and went back to listening to the teacher. 

"Remember, do NOT use any magic out of school, and do not use it for pranks on anyone in the building, got it?" The class gave their agreement before leaving after he dismissed them. 

Sirius took your uninjured hand and led you through a bunch of hallways until you were right outside of a large room. Before he could pull you in though, you said,

"Wait!" He stopped and let go of your hand. "Can you just get some bandages and you guys or I can wrap it?" You were scared that they would pull up your sleeves to make you clean it or something. That would be bad. 

"Fine, but stay right here." With that he disappeared into the large room. No longer than a minute went by before he came out holding a roll of paper towels and bandages. "Thank god, I thought you would've left me to try and take care of it yourself." 

"I wouldn't do that to you," you admitted. He led you to the library where you found Remus and James chatting cheerily about something. When they saw you and Sirius, their eyes lit up and walked over. 

"There you are!" James said. "We were just discussing what we're gonna do this weekend." His smile faltered when he saw the paper towel and bandages in Sirius' hand. "What are those for?" 

"Oh, Y/n hurt her hand and I was hoping you or Remus would know how to wrap it," he explained calmly. 

"Oh! I know how!" Remus said and grabbed the stuff. He sat down at a table, and patted the seat next to him. You sat down and held out your hand. He wiped the blood off of it and gasped. "Jesus Y/n! How did you even do this without noticing?" You just simply shrugged. He slowly and carefully partially rolled up your sleeve, so he could see your wrist to wrap it properly. You looked down at the deep blue and purple bruises that wrapped around you wrist like a large bracelet. 

"Uh, Y/n?" James said. "What happened to your wrist?" At least it wasn't the cut up wrist. 

"Nothing..." you said quietly. 

"Y/n that's not nothing, you can tell us. So, what happened?" The thing was, you couldn't tell them. 

"It's personal...." James sighed and walked away to grab a book. Remus started to carefully wrap your hand, starting at the wrist. Once he was finished, it was lunch time. You decided you just wanted to sleep. "It's lunch time, but, I think I'm gonna go to the girls dorm room, I'm really tired." 

"Okay. I'll have Lily wake you up in time for Herbology," Remus said, and smiled. 

I headed up to my room, took my jacket off and passed out onto my bed.