The White Wolf (complete)

Chapter 42-I Am Falling Apart

It has been a few hours since I found out. The unfortunate news. I took a while to process that information. I even asked the doctor to repeat countless times. Just to make sure I wasn't listening incorrectly. But even then, the truth never changed. The same words and the way it thrust through my heart over and over again. I felt as if someone swallowed the life out of me.

I had asked everyone to leave. To give me space and they did. I was left alone in the air-conditioned room with brightly lit white lights. I hated being in this place. This place brought undesired memories that should have been forgotten. I wept. Each time sobbing silently. I didn't want to entirely break down because when I do, I will fall apart.

I had no words. To say about the death of my unborn child. That baby was inside of me and because of my reckless behavior, I killed it. I killed my own baby. I didn't realize the days when I had morning sickness or how lethargic I felt every single day for the past month. I put myself through something that my baby shouldn't have experienced. My innocent child endured my pain. And that grieves me more.

I am such a selfish person and an awful mother. The Moon Goddess finally blessed me with a child and I just discarded it away like that. Aiden will resent me for this. He will never look at me the same way. I will only see the fury and resentment in his eyes when he finds out that our child has been murdered.

The door is barged open. I look towards it with eyes filled with tears. Aiden stomps towards me and grasps my hospital gown with both of his hands, trembling in outrage. "WHY?! WHY DID YOU KILL OUR CHILD?!" I only wailed out loud when he barked at me.

"I'm...... I'm sorry."

"Do you hate me? Is that why our baby died?" I shook my head furiously, disagreeing with his statement.

"No, I wanted a child. Our baby. For Audrey to finally have a sibling and to find out that I had a miscarriage. I am torn. " I was utterly disappointed with myself. What have I done?

"I know I should have taken better care of myself and I am sorry I didn't."

Aiden releases his hold on me. Tears fill his eyes. His heavy footsteps make it's way towards the exit, abandoning me once again. I felt his anguish which accumulated to the pain that I was already undergoing. I curl into a ball as I reflected on my actions. No words can fix the pain that I let Aiden feel. Not even a 'sorry'. I didn't know what else to do. What else can be done to fix this situation? Our situation.

I stayed at the hospital for a few more days as my stitches healed. All I ever did was look out the window and laying in bed, mourning for my baby. I didn't even get to meet him or her. I have wondered about the possibilities if my pregnancy didn't get a miscarriage. If I didn't become a queen. I would just be the ordinary Luna, living happily with my Alpha and many children of course. I yearn back the life where I didn't need to be conscious about what I did, the way I dress or even the proper etiquette to eat.

I disliked the royal life so much. I remember having a hard time, getting used to this life. Being attacked numberless times and criticized about the way I act and the use of my words which could be twisted by the media. Where everything I do is just an act. But it's not. Those actions and gestures of kindness truly came from my heart. I never faked it for anyone. When it all became too much, I lost my identity. I forgot who I really was. That was when my life crumbled. My studies flopped and I had anxiety attacks often. I was so distant from everyone else. I stayed in the shadows, away from people's attention but even then, people still talked about me. They put out harsh comments, saying that I was a weak queen and that they should nominate someone a little older and mature to step up. I was receiving the most hate and I know Aiden tries his best to keep me from knowing all of this but in the end, I still find out.