Intruality Is My Medicine [But So Is Chocolate]

•.•Be Yourself {Pt.1}•.•

Date: 23.2.19
Ship: Logicality
Type: Fluff, Angst
Words: 1564

~•~

  What am I doing?

  Feet planted in place, I stood stiff by a lone bench, hands cold and clammy, my whole body quaking. Where my eyes landed, by the cafeteria, was Logan: my crush. Logan was surrounded by girls making the task seem all the more daunting. They crowded around him like a defensive wall, so I couldn't actually see him but I knew from how so many girls were swarmed around that single table. Their giggles floated around school like they did every lunch break. It was hard to miss, really

  Too much pressure. I wished I had some friends for support in that moment.

  I suddenly felt creepy, staring from a distance, and immediately found a distraction: picking at my nails nervously. Legs folded beneath me, I sat back down and scanned over my handy work. Was this really a worthy gift? Calming myself, I caressed the fluffy cream fur of the stuffed rabbit sat on my lap. Hours of tedious work, hand sewing painfully tiny stitches; finer than any machine could manage. Grey heart patches were embroidered around the green glass bead eyes. "Will you go out with me?" was embroidered in my neatest calligraphy along the rabbit's plaid bow tie. Each limp had button joints and the front paws had magnets in them so it could hold the felt rose I'd made without being sewn to it.

  Expressing my feelings was something I couldn't trust my mouth to do when everything I said came out a jumbled lisped mess. Gifts were the best alternative. Last night, I had purely spent on making sure this rabbit was perfect. Morning was then spent debating whether I'd vomit if I ate breakfast. Time inevitably decided for me against eating as I would've been late for school.

  My eyes once again were magnetised towards my crush and the people flocking around him.

  Mentally and physically exhausted, I racked a hand down my face. My ugly, pimple ridden face. How was the most handsome boy in school supposed to magically take a liking to a nobody with disfiguring acne.

  I averted my gaze to my phone to distract myself,  only to meet eyes with my reflection in the screen. Three red lines tracked down my face where I had clawed at myself. Sticky crimson flowed from a pimple I had accidentally ripped open. Great.

  Utterly perfect.

  I couldn't help but stare and dissect every flaw in just my face alone. Dusty brown hair, muddy irises that looked ten times the size they should behind my quarter inch thick glasses I could never replace with contacts. Horrible, blotchy mountains of acne. Braces permanently latched onto my infinitely crooked teeth. Random paint sprays of freckles covered most of my body. And if I looked at myself from the shoulders down, I saw a pudgy, chubby body to match.

  Meanwhile Logan was completely, gorgeously striking in every way: the complete opposite. Black hair was nearly always slicked to his scalp. Sometimes a tiny chunk would fall out of place but it just added to his charm. His skin was completely clear and fair, no acne, no freckles. Spoken through straight pearly white lining his angular features, a touch of an english accent shone through in his voice elegantly. No braces: no lisp. Arguably the best part about Logan was his icy blue eyes, not hidden behind heavy lenses. They could steal anyone's heart with a glance, like me.

Though, I've always found Logan undeniably attractive, that's not what made me fall in love with him. It was the small things I picked up on while sitting beside him in class. The way his eyes would sparkle and his hand would shoot up whenever a teacher would ask a question. His enthusiasm to learn and feed his curiosity. How his kindness was displayed in his eagerness if I, or anyone, asked for help. The list goes on.