What I Expect

Going Right

I get forced awake from my nightmare, I guess I'll call it that, by a knock at my door. I exhale deeply, the images and memories still very much at the forefront of thought. When I blink, I still see the melding blood and gold, swirling together in a vacuum of shadows. Fuck, I can't bring myself back to the present. I walk to my door, opening it in a daze. It's Melvin. "Hey," he sighs with an out-of-place grin, eyes wildly jarring from side to side, like he's anxious and awkward. "Akefia is feeling better," When he mentions Akefia's name I return, the fog of my past lifted and a crystal clear future ahead of me. Now, all I can see behind my eyes is Akefia, my imagination running wild with him. "He wants to talk to you?" Melvin ask this as a question just because it's so strange, and he's right to be confused. Why would Akefia want to talk to me? He doesn't even like me.

"Okay, just gimme a minute," I still need to get this grogginess out my head. Melvin nods and goes back downstairs and I chug some water from a bottle on my windowsill. It's room temperature but still refreshing and it wakes me up a little. Fixing my hair and combing it with my fingers as I walk downstairs, I pass Melvin who disappears into his own room. Akefia is sitting on his own bed, looking indifferently at his TV. When he sees me he hits the 'pause' button on whatever he was watching. We stare at each other, him slightly blushing, which is adorable, but the atmosphere is so somber I can't appreciate it.

"Can I...?" Gingerly I slide my foot past his doorway, like I'm sneaking towards him a little at a time, easing my way into his world.

"Yes, come in," he snorts a little, bit there's no feeling in it. "You don't need to be so formal and polite,"

"Okay," I shrug as I step through, but I don't really accept what he's saying. I'm a people-pleaser, I can't help it! Not when obedience was enforced in me so harshly, rebellion squashed by slaps and whips and chains, words which leave deeper scars than the knife in my back. I sit on the edge of his bed and lean back, so I'm sitting next to him. Akefia doesn't object, and I even watch his shoulders sag as his body relaxes. I stare around the room, the worst messes have been cleaned but the card models still sit in ruins, shoved into the box under his table. I feel so sorry for him when I realise the hours of work that must have gone into making those.

"Sorry you had to see that, it was embarrassing as shit," he chuckles a little. From his side he pulls a pack of alcoholic malt shortbread. "It's boozy. And cheap as fuck, will get you drunk, wanna split it?"

So that's it? I don't get an explanation for that terrible image, that seizure, those horrible, piercing screams I remember so well, the ones which only come from a pain so blinding it rips you from yourself. I don't know if I can live with that. Akefia rips open the box and counts out 9 round, perfect biscuits. "Odd number," he observes. "You take five, I'll take four," he keeps my 5 in the packet, putting his 4 on the dirty duvet and eating. I cringe when he brushes crumbs off his lap and onto the floor to exist there forever.

I timidly sit beside him, too tense and scared to move, even to breathe. My mind is reeling with questions, so many I fear it'll burst! What the Hell happened, why did he wanna see me anyway, to apologise for a fucking - what that even a panic attack?! - and eat biscuits? I don't believe that. "I found a new show, it's amazing," he grins and puts some cartoon on Netflix called She-Ra. "I totally ship Ketra and Adora,"

He's talking about romance. Sex! He's talking about relationships, something I yearn for from him. Can I talk about it, now he's brought it up? I keep eating and as we watch the first episode, I find myself leaning into him. Eventually my head is on Akefia's shoulder and as if by instinct, his arm snakes around me, pulling me close, both of us completely engrossed in Adora's beautiful transformation from Hoard soldier to Princess. It's kind of how I look at myself; the timid little tombkeeper, obedient to the letter now watching TV and eating shortbread with the man of my dreams! Talk about a rebellion. Once I notice how comfortably I'm resting on small Akefia I look into his eyes through my blonde fringe. "Akefia, can you Tell me what happened earlier?" He tenses and the aura tries to change, but I won't let him slip away. I lay my hand atop his. "You can trust me, I promise,"