What I Expect

Forbidden

We don't discuss last night. It becomes forbidden, the Christmas struck from the records forever. Akefia will insist he was drunk and out of his mind, but he wasn't. He wasn't, right? He initiated everything including the kiss. I know he was lucid, so why can't I get the smell of liquor on his breath out of my mind? This feels so fucked, I feel so guilty. I stand at the counter, covering Melvin's Game Shop shifts from today (the 26th) until New Year's. I need this to distract myself from the tirade of blame going on in my head. Ra, Akefia is so fucking cute. No! Damn. This is so difficult, I wish I had someone to talk to who could clear things up for me. I want to call Mai but I shouldn't bother her with this right now.

Speak of the devil, Mai appears in the doorway. The bell above the door plays 5 seconds of an anime jam to signal a customer is here. "Mai!" I look up from the desktop computer, startled. I get out from behind the counter and feel my body trying of its own volition to hug here, She's still wearing the sling and bandages, her bruise are more prominent, but she's looking great and a lot of the scrapes have healed. She walks up and hugs me first though, and I hug back just as tightly. Damn I've missed this.

"Hey sorry I couldn't make Christmas, hun," she smiles, a little sadly. "How was it?"

"I- good!" I stammer, leading her back to the counter, "What's happening, I mean with you?"

She sighs. "I'm sorry or scaring you all. I'm such an idiot," she pauses to look into my eyes, "I'm talking to someone though, I think exam stress just overwhelmed me,"

"You don't have to apologise to me," I state, I want to make my position on this clear. "I mean, yeah you scared me. But it's just great that you're seeing someone!" Mai is someone I can talk to about anything, but now we actually have a common experience of being in counselling together. I don't know why that settles my nerves a little but it does.

"Oh, I forgot," Mai hands me a chocolate Santa wrapped in foil. I look up at her with a deadpan stare and she frowns. "What?"

"You're not gonna fucking believe this," I grin. Reaching below the counter I reveal her gift - the 4th chocolate Santa in foil with Merry Christmas Mai xxx written on the paper tag.

"Oh my God," she facepalms, sighing heavily into her hands. "Right, just give me that one since it has my name on it already," We swap Santas and I eat mine - I already know what it tastes like because I shared with Akefia.

"So, what's the deal now?" I ask after I'm done. Mai sighs, leaning against the counter.

"I'm meant to go to therapy. Really I'm just going because of Joey, he was really freaked out..." she's chews the inside of her cheek. I can tell she's uncomfortable but it also seems like she's bottling something up. I want her to confront that if she can. "But it feels wrong to go into therapy. I don't know, there are people with actual issues. What happened to me doesn't feel like an issue... maybe,"

"Mai," I frown worriedly, reaching over the counter and grasping her hand. I admire her so much for her confidence and capabilities. She's such a strong person. "What happened to you is valid and you deserve to talk about it with someone,"

"You're someone - and you've been through a Hell of a lot worse,"

"This isn't about me. I'm your friend, taking to me isn't the same as taking to a therapist," I advise. "Just try it. Please?"