What I Expect

Jealousy

Akefia was out with Bakura all day. I shouldn't be jealous... but I am. I know they're just friends, but some small part of me doesn't trust that. It's like they have a history or something. But I know I'm just being irrational, so I move on. He hangs out with Bakura again this evening, out at her house or wherever it is they go. The park or something. Or under the bridge - Akefia's special place. Did Bakura have access to Akefia's special place before I did? And I can't tell him how I feel because he spends almost all him time with me. It'd be mean of me to demand he spend even more time with me, not seeing his friends at all. Even if I do want him with me 24/7. 

I'm highly clingy, I understand that. And he isn't. It's something I need to respect I've known this about him since before we started dating. Hanging around in his bedroom alone feels more familiar now, since more of my stuff - some study materials and my clothes - are here too. It's like more of a shared space, though I recognise it belongs fully to Akefia. We sort our issues out easily, because Akefia has really simple solutions for most of them. I feel like these solutions don't really validate me emotionally though, if that makes sense? Akefia seems to make them without emotional attachment. Practical, detached solutions to emotional problems. 

I've read all of his books, the ones that don't immediately put me to sleep at least. He has a lot of Philosophy ones but his favourite genre seems to be murder mystery. He has very few mangas though, I wonder why. I'd have more books if I had the money he does, I still need to get the first volume of Assassination Classroom. Maybe Akefia just prefers watching anime to reading manga. I felt that way about Death Note until I read the manga and became overly-defensive about how much better it is than the anime. Because the manga is way better and I'll fight anyone on that. 

His architecture stuff is strewn all across his table, several drafts of his hand-written dissertation on top. On his wall is a board with pinned notes of things to memorise, things to add. Key points to remember. Base sketches of different functions, a popular theme is archways. Who would have thought his methods so meticulous? Certainly not me. I'm continually surprised by the enigmatic mystery that is Akefia. 

I eat because I'm bored. I nom a box of Akefia's biscuits, ones he keeps in his room to stop Melvin stealing them. My muscle diet and working out has gone downhill since I got into a relationship. Either I've become complacent, or I've began accepting myself more. Or is that the same thing? Either way, I no longer feel guilty for destroying this box of cookies. Two month ago, I would have. 

Akefia returns, finally! I've been so bored. My own thoughts bore me, doesn't that make me a boring person? I hear him come upstairs and look to the doorway. He appears, stares at me and his eyes widen. "You look pissed," he comments dryly, sitting on the edge of his bed. Over his shoulder I watch him take his shoes off. "Was someone mean to you on the internet?" 

"No," I laugh. "Just overthinking is all," 

"Oh, what about?" 

Me and my big stupid mouth! "What do you like about me?" 

"Not how insecure you are, that's for sure," Akefia frowns. "What's going on with you? You aren't mad I'm hanging out with my friend are you? Because if you are-" 

"I'm not mad. No," I shrug. "I ask because I don't know what's likeable about me. Nobody liked me before I came here, nobody except my sister. Other kids in the cult only liked me because they were forced to as I was the leader's son. But now that I'm here, Mai likes me, Yugi likes me and you like me. So my question is, what about me is likeable?" 

"Oh, okay," Akefia blinks, nodding in understanding. "And you couldn't ask Mai or Yugi about this?" 

"Already asked Mai," I hold up my phone with the text I just sent. It's delivered but not read. "But what specifically do you like about me?"