Stuck On You

June 17, 2014

What was his damn middle name? Garrett? Greg? It had only been two weeks. How could I have already forgotten? 

I scribble a ‘G’ under the portion of the contract where it asked for his middle name. Damn this fucking contract. Damn the fucking fact that he was going to get signed to another three CD’s. Not to mention at least two tours. If he was lucky, one might even be a stadium tour. 

When I had sent the CD to Callie and Em, I didn’t think they would love it as much as I did. Given, Michael was amazing. He was by far one of the best performers I’d ever met. I was angry with him though, giving me an excuse to not enjoy all this success he was receiving. 

Reaching over, I grab my beer, taking another swig out of it. It was nearly empty. I finish it off, getting up and pushing my papers aside. Rounding around the couch, I head over to the counter, placing the bottle near the others. I was making quite a collection. 

There must be about ten, and that was only between yesterday and today. My fridge was nearly empty; I only had a few bottles left. I needed to buy another case. 

I open another, drinking out of it as I walked back over to the couch. I could see my phone buzzing on the table, but not making any rush to get to it. It was probably Luke. 

It was. I flip open my phone, putting the conversation on speaker. “Hello?” I question, pulling my papers back onto my lap. 

“Hey, Anna, how’s your day?”

“Uneventful as usual,” I breathe, scribbling down a few more facts. 

“You still haven’t talked to him?” 

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back and swallowing hard. “No” 

I could hear Luke sigh. It’s been more difficult not having him here with this entire situation. “I’m sorry, babe. I wish I could be there.”

“Its fine,” I sigh as well. “How are you?”

“I’ve been alright, I miss you a lot. You’re not drinking again, are you?” 

I had been drinking every single night since the argument. A few times Luke had called I had been pissed drunk. He got pretty upset to know that I was so uncontrollably depressed that the only thing I felt I could do was drink away my problems. 

“No, I’m not.” I lie; picking up my beer and taking a guilt sip. 

“Good, I hate knowing that you’re so sad.” He breathes out a sigh of relief, which makes me feel guiltier. “You’re not planning on staying in all night again, are you? You should get out, go do something.”

“God, you sound like my mother,” I chuckle. 

He chuckles as well. “You really should.”

“Maybe”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe.”

He sighs. “Well I’ve got to get going. I’ll talk to you later, alright? I love you.”

“I love you too, bye.”

“Bye”

The line cuts off and I’m left alone again. I turn up my stereo, changing every song that was reminded me of Mikey. There were a lot of songs that reminded me of Mikey. 

***

The contract took forever, but I finally got everything together. I made simple notes to where Michael would have to sign, making sure they were color coded. I wouldn’t be the one to make him sign it; his manager would be the one to do that. I got the fortunate job of reading over the entire thing and checking for anything completely ridiculous.

I finished a few more beers throughout the process. At this point, I realized anything could have slipped by me, I felt pretty dizzy. That was really the only side effect that let me know that I was completely smashed. I felt fine other than that, maybe everything was a bit blurry too, but it wasn’t too obvious. 

I miss him so much. I want to see him. My heart aches. My chest is actually in pain. Maybe it’s because I’m dying. Maybe I’m having a heart attack. Is it possible to have a heart attack from missing someone? Your heart hurting so much emotionally it creates a physical reaction?

I need to see him. I need to see him right fucking now. I’ll leave; I’ll get out, go and find him, wherever the hell he is. I’ll go to the ends of the Earth to find him. I need him so badly. 

I grab my car keys, planning to drive around first, find my way to the airport maybe. He escaped me. I can’t let him leave me again. 

I can’t find my license. I can’t find my damn license. Who needs the damn thing anyway? If I drive carefully enough, I won’t get pulled over. I’ll be fine. I don’t need it. 

I swing open my door, leaning on it for support. Shit, I’m going to fall over. I’m going to pass out and they are going to find me here on the floor. I won’t have a pulse. 

I turn down the hall, reaching out to touch the walls. Keep standing. Falling over is considered a failure. You will be a failure. Maybe he already considers you a failure. 

The door slides open, showing me a reflection I didn’t expect. Nothing is there. As I stare into the tiny room, I see nothing. I can’t find him. I can’t find myself. 

I step into the apartment, slamming the door behind me. “Honey, I’m hooooooooome!” I laugh, spreading my arms out. 

If we lived together and had a dog, this is when they would jump into my arms. The dog would nearly knock me over. Unless it was a small dog, then it might just jump against my knees. 

It was like I was coming home from a long day at work. I set my keys down on the counter and kick of my shoes. 

“Honey? I’m hooooooome!” I repeat, laughing harder than before. 

“What the hell?” Michael comes around the corner.

“Honey!” I shout, laughing and running into his arms. 

He should have picked me up and spun me in a circle. Then again, maybe not, as I was already dizzy. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, jumping to wrap my legs around his waist. 

“What the hell are you-“

I plant my lips against Michaels. It was so nice to kiss him again. I think I liked kissing him better than I liked kissing Luke. I like the way he kissed me back. Luke kissed me back too, but it didn’t give me the same feeling. 

“Anna,” Michael breathed, his arms reaching to hold my legs up. 

“Shhh,” I press a finger to his lips and giggle. I kiss him again. It was like a cheesy romantic movie. 

Michael lets go of my legs, letting me fall to the ground. A pout forms across my lips. Michael stops kissing me. 

“Mikeyyyy,” I whine, giggling again. “I’ve never called you Mikey before, have I? I like it.” 

“Anna, what are you doing?” 

He looks upset. Maybe he’s confused. I’m confused as to why he was upset. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like kissing me?”

“Yes, of course I like kissing you, but what about Luke?” He puts his hands on my shoulders.

I shake my head, letting my finger wrap around his shoulders again. “Forget about Luke right now, I just want you.”

We reconnect our lips, well I do. Michael complies. We kiss and kiss, but never really do anything else. I think it’s good. I just want Michael to be there with me. God I missed him. 

I love having him hold me. I love the way his fingers hold my waist. I love the way his hips press against mine and the way I feel his lips against mine. I love the way he feels. I love the way I feel in his grasp. I love everything about this feeling. I love everything about this moment. I love everything about Michael.