Dancing with the Player | Book #1

Mixed Feelings

"You're doing it wrong!"

"How am I doing it wrong when I taught you how to do it?"

"Well, how are you doing it wrong when you taught me to do it and now you're doing it wrong?"

I winced at her yelling,"Emma, stop, you're giving me a headache."

"Sorry, Stel, I didn't mean to," she apologized.

I decided to go to Emma's house since I had nothing better to do with my day. We were watching a bit of Netflix until she got a package from Sephora. She always ordered so much makeup from there and I'll never understand why she does. Emma thought it'd be a fantastic idea if I test her new products on her face. Then she thought it'd be a wonderful idea if I followed a makeup tutorial.

So I copied this YouTuber doing an eyeshadow look using the modern renaissance palette on Emma's face. Once I finished the eye look I showed it to Emma in her pink mirror. That's when the argument began. She thought I was doing it all wrong when I told her I taught her how to do makeup in the first place. Once those words left my mouth the argument escalated.

She wiped all of the makeup off of her face using her makeup wipes. I plop down on her couch and turned on the tv to watch Netflix. Emma must've went to the kitchen since she took a seat beside me with a bag of salt and vinegar chips in her left hand. I held my hand out for chips which she planted in the palm of my hand. I brought the chips in my hand to my mouth and crunched on them. Emma took the remote from my side and lowered the volume of this home show that was currently on.

"You've been M.I.A since we all went clubbing. What's been up with you?"

"M.I.A?" I wondered.

She rolled her eyes,"It means missing in action."

"I wasn't missing in action, I was simply busy."

"Busying do something that involves a boy, right?" She quizzed.

I avoided eye contact,"Not at all."

"Liar, liar pants on fire swinging from a telephone wire!" She sang as she pointed at me.

"Fine, yes, it did involve a boy," I gave in.

Emma beamed in excitement,"Which one?"

"Dylan," I responded.

"I didn't expect for you to say Dylan at all, I was thinking you'd say James. If you were with Dylan, what did you guys do?"

I could feel the warmth spread across my cheeks. By now they must've been beyond an attractive rosiness. I felt as if all my insecurities were writ large a crossed mg face and there was nowhere to hide. Emma's eyes zoomed in on my red cheeks and her eyebrow raised, confused at why I was blushing.

"We went on a date," I mumbled.

"What, wait, w-what!" She sputtered.

"Yes we went on a date a few days ago. He took me to see The Nutcracker then we went to the beach," I explained.

Emma stared at me with her mouth wide open, still in shock so I continued on,"At the beach, we also kissed."

She let out a loud piercing scream, causing me to block my ears. After a couple minutes of silence, she stood up from the couch then paced back and forth. I watched as she walked from left to right deep in thought. She stopped in front of me then sat back down.

"So you mean to tell me you were M.I.A for a couple of days. During those couple days you went on a romantic date with Dylan. He took you to see your favourite movie then to the beach. While you two were at the beach he kissed you," she summed up.

"It isn't a big deal," I tried to reassure her.

"How could you say it isn't a big deal? It's a huge deal! I mean, do you have feelings for Dylan? What about James? Do you have feelings for James? Which one is it?"

My head scrambled for the answers to her questions yet I couldn't find them. I haven't known Dylan for long, but I liked his company and going out with him. We do different forms of art yet we get each other in an unexplainable and unexpected way. His smile always blew me away. Whenever we were together I felt like wanting to savour every moment. Whereas with James, I known him for a long time. His company is annoying but whenever I don't have his company I long for it. Going out with James was always unpredictable and I liked it that way because it intrigued me.

James' smile brought a smile onto my own face. He had the kind of smile that made me happy about to be alive and just a little bit more human. Instead of wanting to savour every moment with Dylan, with James it was the opposite. I never wanted to savour our moments because I knew there would be more moments between us. Dylan and James were different and when it came to both of them, they meant a lot to me.

I shrugged,"I don't know."

"Stella, you can't just be with James then be with Dylan. At some point, you have to make a choice," she advised.

"I know," I agreed.

"Maybe you should go dance, you know, clear your head," Emma suggested.

"What about our day together?"

"We can do it another time," she reassured me.

With that, I left Emma's apartment, not before giving her a goodbye hug. I got into my car and drove to Juilliard. It didn't take me long to get there since there was hardly any traffic. Luckily I was wearing comfortable clothes so I wouldn't have to change my clothes. I went into the dance room and saw that it was empty. I put down my purse and tied my hair into a high ponytail.

I went onto my dance playlist and picked a song for me to improve to. I decided to pick the song Consequences by Camilla Cabello since I wanted to go for a more contemporary dance. I started the music and quickly got into position. As the music played I closed my eyes and began to dance. I let out all of my emotions and followed the rhythm of the song. I embraced the music and in turn the music took control of my movements. I found my myself in a different world; a world of my own, a world of dance.

The song came to an end and I wished that the song lasted longer. I wanted to get more of my emotions and feelings out but the song stopped and so did my movements. I let out a deep breath that I was holding in while I was dancing and lifted my head up.

"James," I blurted.