I know it's stupid to say but I'm going to admit to loving him. It's been months and my heart still jerks. I'd kill for his smile to be directed towards me but he won't even look at me. Though when I catch his smile I'm so devoured in emotions I don't know I'm of giddy or jealous. I've never been the jealous type but here I am missing his friendship and presence and resenting everyone else for receiving it. I know exactly what I'm missing and I think that's why it hurts so badly. I had him, I truly did for a brief time and now we don't even qualify as acquaintances. I just want some closure to what's been lurking around me for weeks. It feels like the divide between us took away a part of me; the part, coincidentally he liked the most. I am no longer yellow. Sunflowers don't consume him when he sees me. And I've lost them with no recognition of myself. If he doesn't want me in the same way anymore; if I no longer cross his mind I know I'll be okay, but I want him to tell me that. I want his words. Being so close before has left me flailing for comfort that I can only grasp for. But even then I'm empty. Void of yellow.
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2019 Poem Journal
Poetrysome parts are written with more care than others. grammar is overlooked for the preservation of the moment. enjoy this journey, or don't, but this honestly is to be continued.
