Mindless

Chapter 6- Anger and Betrayal

~I woke up and found him just staring at me. I sat up in my bed and just looked at him. Then this arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him away from the door. I heard someone say 'Let's get out of here' and he followed the person out of my house~

My best friend has my trust, she would not tell him anything I have told her before. She knows that is sacred and stays between us two. Wendy is aware of my emotions and how they can get chaotic; she got to witness it for years. I spent so many nights pouring everything out to her. She has seen me at my worst. This trip has already been very eventful and I have not even been here a full day. Plus, I have to figure out where I will be staying till June. Okay, that is not what is causing my brain to panic. He wants to see me...why? Maybe he wants to ask why I left, or maybe he is mad at me due to the fact that he received no explanation as to why I fled this town in the first place.

My hotel room is exactly the way I left it, my suitcase opened on the bed, bed untouched, bed not slept in. My key card managed to stay in my pants pocket all night. Glad it didn't go missing while I was at Wendy's. My mind continues to drift back to the present, right now, who is over at Wendy's apartment right now. I have to wonder if she just came out with it and told him I have returned. Her text to me was left on read. A response was unavailable. God, I can't help but want to know why he, that specific person, wants to meet face-to-face with me. Saying his name would probably give me chills. Those chills would remind me why I left and then I would be even more reluctant to the possibility of seeing him again.

I do not know what the hell is going on with me. I am actually brainstorming the possibility of seeing that person again. Stepping foot back in this town scared me, and this is actually on my radar? Some of my fear seems to have faded away since I got to Colorado, I do not understand how that can be. I would have thought my entire trip would be me having a fear-fest. Jesus, do I need to chill out? Like seriously chill the fuck out? Returning to South Park has me second-guessing all of the shit going on in my head, all the shit that has been living up there in my head for a long time. I did not go through trauma, but I feel like I am acting as though I went through something traumatic. I just had a lot of feelings that had to be bottled up. When I say a lot of feelings, I am talking big heavy bags of feelings that even the strongest human on planet earth could not carry.

I certainly wasn't able to carry those bags, that is why I left, it was too heavy for me. A fresh, new start was what I was chasing, something else for me to focus on. He was my thought when I woke up right to the time I let my head fall on my pillow at night. Maybe letting go of all that was good for me. Maybe the new environment was good for me. Maybe the new relationship...oh yeah, right. Even though he is not my favorite person at the moment, I settle on giving my fiancé a call, just to let him know how I am doing. I notice he did not send me any messages since we spoke on the phone while I was at my parent's house last night. Well, to be fair, I did not send him any either. I know he is busy. Should I be allowing that to count for a valid excuse?

The phone rings five times before I hear Lance answer, "Hi."

"How'd you sleep?" I ask.

"Eh, only got in a few hours. You?"

"Pretty good. Spent the night at Wendy's."

"Wendy? Oh, your best friend right?" He remembers.

  I reply to him, "Yes. We talked for a while and she said it was cool if I just crashed on her couch."

"I see."

"Mhm."

"I've got some things to finalize here before the new project rolls in, maybe give me a call later this afternoon?" Lance suggests to me.