Mindless

Chapter 9- Rekindling

~It woke me up, it made me realize I had really hurt him. I did not give my time and attention that night out of empathy, even though I do feel really rotten for the damage I have done~

A matter of weeks have gone by since that Friday night. The assistant teacher job and my college classes have been kicking my ass. For once, I am worrying about my grades dropping. It has just been tricky to balance the job plus my education. There is a lot on my plate right now, but hey, that happens in life sometimes and I am learning to roll with it. I am still staying at Wendy's apartment, I would say I am pretty adjusted now. The air mattress is getting kind of uncomfortable now that my back has been in contact with it for weeks. If Wendy had a guest room, I would have been in there in the first place but this is her first apartment so there it is not like there is all the space in the world. I enjoy this temporary living situation with my best friend. We have been doing great as roommates so far.

A little while after we had been at Kenny's place, Wendy and I came back here to the apartment. We stayed up talking until three in the morning. That night was incredibly unpredicted. I had no idea that we would run into Kenny and Token, or Stan, definitely did not predict that I would run into him, at least not that soon. However, I really did surprise myself; I was talking to him as if we had stayed best friends and I never left South Park. Yeah, I was a little tense and on edge, but not as much as I had imagined I would be if I ever saw him again. Wendy had said to me she was very surprised that I agreed to go talk to him by myself with nobody else around. It all happened so fast. That following Sunday, Stan came over and the three of us watched movies all day. We had some laughs, which was really nice. It almost felt normal, but deep down, there the truth sat, still haunting me to my core.

I will never forget the way his voice sounded when he said he lost his best friend. It woke me up, it made me realize I had really hurt him. I did not give my time and attention that night out of empathy, even though I do feel really rotten for the damage I had done. He left later that night after we had gotten through three movies. I almost did not want him to go. His presence is nice to be surrounded by. If there is one thing I have learned so far while I have been visiting my hometown, I should have considered what would come out of me leaving my hometown. I left some people confused, some people hurt. Without a doubt, I was only thinking of myself; I was thinking of myself and my feelings. Sometimes, you have to be selfish in life if it involves something important like mental health. My mental health was not bad, but it was not golden.

There is only so much a teenager can do to help themselves without telling someone about what they are going through. I have learned throughout the years that asking for help or guidance is not a bad thing. Just like I told Stan, it all came flowing out of me one night when I was with Wendy. She listened and offered the best advice she could in that moment; It was greatly appreciated. It is not that I did not trust him with what I was feeling, he was just that one person I was unable to tell it all to. Did I desire to tell him? Sometimes. Did I rather just keep it all inside for safe keeping? Yes. It is just easier that way, keeping it all inside. No, it is not healthy, but it sure as hell is the easier route.

~~~

Stan
That gold band around his finger made everything inside me freeze up. Of course my first thought was that he got married, but then he told Kenny that he was just engaged. Kyle, engaged; engaged to someone named Lance. What felt kind of off to me was when he was revealing this guy's name, there was no smile, no emotion. You think he would be excited to talk about his fiancé, but I did not pick up that vibe at all. Was this guy the real reason he left? Had Kyle met him somewhere and wanted to run off with him and start a new life? If this guy is this big secret, the truth behind him leaving, I do not see why he would not be able to tell me that. I would not have judged him, people are going to love who they love, nothing wrong with that. Now I am just wondering who this Lance guy really is and if he is making Kyle happy.