Mindless

Chapter 17- Finally, At Last

~His words make my brain fall over from being so taken aback. Did he really just say all that? Right after I process each and every single word that he just uttered, I instantly pull him close to my chest. I lean my forehead onto his shoulder. His hug is tight, very warm, and comforting. There is nothing that I have ever wanted more~

Today's classes are being taught by just me. I have done this a few times, but Professor Stanner usually jumps in at some point to help. This is the first day that I get to take the students in my own direction, while staying on topic and on the material they have been learning of course. I was slightly nervous during the first class this morning, but throughout the day I have quickly adjusted to being the professor. I hope I am doing a good job, I feel like I am doing pretty well but what I care about is the perspectives of the students. I care about everyone's learning experience and I would not want anyone to feel that my teaching is interfering with their education. These kids are paying to go to these classes and get the most out of them, so obviously I want them to get the best out of what they are paying top dollar for. It is now the end of the day for me, time to go home. Stan let me know earlier that he would probably be home shortly after I arrive home. Things between us have been...interesting. We talk a lot, and I mean a whole lot.

Even with all the talking we do, we have not discussed exactly what is going on here. I have no idea what the hell we are or where we both are in this situation. I am living with him now. We really do not have a label for what kind of relationship we have at the moment. After I broke off my engagement a month ago, Stan and I began getting close again. I am feeling the closeness to him I used to feel when we were best friends years ago. That comfortable dynamic is there. I do not feel like I need to put a filter on myself when I am around him, I can just be myself. It seems like it is that way for him as well, he seems very relaxed around me. What I have come to realize is how much I missed him. I missed his presence, his face, his voice, his laugh, his scent, I missed everything that makes him who he is.

I want our closeness to remain forever this time, I do not want to lose him. I was stupid enough to let him go once, I am certainly not planning to make that same decision again. Sometimes I still apologize for it and Stan tells me that we just need to move forward and make the best of right now. He is such a good person, a great person. Sometimes I feel like he is too good and deserved a better best friend. All of these thoughts travel through my mind on the drive back to the apartment. I want to talk more with my roommate tonight. My roommate, is that all he is? I manage to locate a parking spot in the lot in front of our building. My eyes scan the lot for Stan's car but do not receive sight of it. He did say he would be home after me. I walk up to the door and get inside. It is so cozy here, I fall asleep so peacefully even on the couch.

I drop my keys on the coffee table and go into the bedroom to change. Stan lets me keep some of my clothes in his room, he even cleared two dresser drawers for me. He said he was getting rid of clothes anyway so it was not an inconvenience for him to make the space. It is the little things like that. I just want him, I do. I want him to be my person. I throw on a soft army green tee and some heather gray sweatpants with the South Park High School logo on the right pant leg. I managed to hang onto them all this time. Even though I completely blocked this place out of my mind for the longest time, these pants are comfy. I cover up my feet with two white socks and head into the kitchen for a drink. We just went grocery shopping so the fridge is pretty stocked. Stan and I like a lot of the same food and beverages so that makes the shopping trips pretty easy.

Just as I finish pouring some water into a cup from the pitcher, I hear keys in the lock from outside the door. I step out of the kitchen and instantly meet eyes with Stan. I have grown to really enjoy seeing his face when he comes home or when I come home. We eat dinner together, watch movies, sometimes we cuddle during the movie. His arms have this protective and comforting identity. Once in a while his head will fall on my shoulder when he begins to drift off. I always hate having to wake him to move him to his bed, but I know it is good for him to get a good night's rest. The apartment is now our space to share. He opened up his home to me, what a guy. He flashes me his familiar warm smile, removing his work boots in the process.