Mindless

Chapter 7- A Little Less Fearful

~ It happens agonizingly slow. From the turn of our heads to the meet of each other's eyes. The connecting of them is something I thought would never happen again. Maybe if I blink, things will seem like they are not moving so leisurely~

Staying at Wendy's has been a lot cheaper than a hotel. The last few days I have helped with putting gas in the car and pitching in for meals. I bought an air mattress and a sheet set for myself. I sleep pretty well on it, actually. Even though we are best friends, I still feel like I need to ask her permission for little things like if I can grab a drink out of the fridge or something like that. I was raised by two parents who taught me to always use my manners, I guess that would be the main reasoning. My online classes have been kicking my ass, sometimes I am up past midnight working on assignments. Yes, that probably is not too late for most college students, but since I have this new education job to focus on as well, it definitely puts a strain on my sleep schedule. Officially, I have begun working beside Professor Stanner at Denver University. We have been getting along very well.

She has had me take over a lot of the times during classes. I like taking over, even if it does make my nerves a little jittery here and there. I have had to come to terms with the fact that a job like this requires top notch public speaking skills. Throughout high school, I worked on my public speaking skills when I would have to present a project to the class. It became a little easier each presentation. Professor Stanner letting me take over her class frequently gives me a taste of what my future might look like down the road. I am extremely grateful for this, I understand this does not just land in the hands of anyone. For the record, I do bust my ass for things like this. Anything I have ever gotten, I believe was earned, not just thrown my way. Now I do not mean that to sound cocky, but I do not slack off when it comes to my future.

The last two days I have tried giving my fiancé a call, but he never picks up. As I know by now, he is busy with work. Wendy has seen how it irks me to my core. She does not care for it at all, she does not care for him. I would love for her to be a part of our wedding somehow, but with the way things have been with Lance, I think I can safely say the wedding will not be happening for a while. Wendy is right, though. I do need to speak to him. I need to have a conversation with him in person, face to face, no interruptions whatsoever. No work calls, not a single word coming from anyone but each other. His job has weakened what we have...or had. Maybe it was his doing, his doing by letting work step in front of his relationship with me.

Usually before I go to sleep now, I end up lying there with my eyes up at the ceiling of Wendy's living room. I wonder if it is time for me to start another new chapter of my life. A do-over of my fresh start. Lance did help distract me from what I was running away from, but only temporarily and mildly. Moving away from South Park helped. I am not so sure I could ever move back here, however. There is something that smothers my chance of sleep every single night, do I genuinely want to be with my fiancé for the rest of my life? In holy matrimony? Till death do us part? Jesus, it has been such a head scratcher. Sometimes, I wish I could scratch away his face from my brain.

It is now Friday evening, I am finishing up an exam when Wendy appears from her bedroom, "You up for a night out?"

I answer with my eyes still on my laptop's screen, "Yeah, totally. Let me just finish up this last question."

"Oops, sorry, my bad."

"You're good, almost done anyways." I type out the last few words of my short response and submit my exam.

"All good?" Wendy asks.

"Yes, so what did you want to do?"

Wendy scrolls through her phone, "Well, we can go grab a drink, or go see a movie. I know a couple new ones are playing right now."