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Freddie: Alright, lads! One more time as we welcome everyone to Scranton! *The Office US theme music plays*
Deacy: Hey Rogerina, can I talk you you privately for a second? Rogerina: About what? Deacy: Your outfit. Rogerina: *stands up* What? What's wrong with my outfit? Deacy: Do you mind pulling it down a touch? Rogerina: You're a bunch of prudes! *pulls dress down and tit flies out* Freddie: *gasps* Brian: *gasps* Jim: *gasps* Miami: *gasps* Rogerina: You know Jim is allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open toed shoes? Miami: Rogerina, your boob is out! Rogerina: Fine! *hikes dress up revealing she has no underwear on* Brian: Too far, Rogerina! Too far! Freddie: Dammit, Rogerina! Where are your panties?! Rogerina: It's casual day!
Brian: Hey *insert name of Roger's hookup*. What's up? Roger's hookup: Nothing. *puts down magazine* Oh! Except, oh my god, Brian! Last night, Roger and I, totally, finally hooked up! It was awesome! Brian: Oh... that's great! I'm really happy for you... Roger's hookup: I know, and it was SO funny cause we were at this bar with his friends, and I was sitting next to him the whole night! He wasn't making a move, so in my head, I was like, "Roger, what's taking you so long?!" And then, he kissed me, and I didn't know what to say! Brian: ... wow... Roger's hookup: So I said, "Roger, what took you so long?!" I just said that to him! Can you believe that?! Brian: Wow... Roger's hookup: Oh my god, Brian, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed! Brian: No, don't be! Roger's hookup: Oh thank god, because I was nervous, Brian! You will not believe, I was so nervous! Brian: *attempts to skirt towards the door* Oh, I bet! Roger's hookup: But now, now I have a boyfriend! Brian: .... Alright. Roger's hookup: *squeals and giggles* Roger: .... I hooked up with her on February 13th...
Ben: *lets a young fan shake his hand* ow! ow! ow! You broke my hand! Joe: There is no way that hurt... Ben: Really? Cause she's pretty strong, Joe. Joe: Little girl, come over here. Little girl: *walks towards Joe* Joe: *holds hand out* Shake my hand.... come on! I don't have all day! Little girl: *shyly shakes Joe's hand* Joe: I don't feel anything, nothing... you're so weak.
Freddie: Um, I just thought you should know, I think something a little fishy's going on. *points towards Roger talking to Deacy's daughter* Deacy: Fishy... Freddie: Yeah, I've been noticing it all day, and I just thought you should know. Deacy: *stands up from desk* *30 seconds later* Deacy: tHAT LITTLE GIRL IS A CHILD! I DONT WANNA SEE YOU SNIFFING AROUND HER ANYMORE THIS AFTERNOON, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! Roger: y-yes! Yes! Deacy: bOY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! Roger: no! No! No! No! Deacy: cAUSE ILL HELP YOU FIND IT! WHATCHU LOOKING FOR OUT THERE?! JESUS COULD COME THROUGH THAT DOOR AND HE NOT GONNA HELP YOU IF YOU DONT STOP SNIFFING AFTER MY CHILD! Roger: *stares into the camera while trembling* Deacy yelled at me today... that was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
Joe: Last week I gave a fire safety talk, and nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint... PowerPoint is boring.
Brian: *climbs into ceiling to escape the fire* Freddie: Brian! Brian! *clutches Delilah to his chest* Brian: Stay alive, I'm getting help! Freddie: Pull me up! Brian: You're too heavy! Freddie: I only weigh 82 pounds! Delilah: *purs in distress* Brian: *climbs away* Freddie: SAVE DELILAH! *tosses Delilah into the ceiling* Delilah: *flys through the ceiling meowing in terror as she crashes back into the burning room*
Freddie: I am not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women... often outdoors, in the mud, and the rain. It's possible a man slipped in... there'd be no way of knowing.
Freddie: This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! THIS DAY IS BANANAS! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Roger: *pours half a bottle of Advil into his hands* I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing myself.
Joe: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
Roger: Do I want to be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Joe: *clicks computer mouse* Ben: *clicks computer mouse in response* Gwil: Stop it. Ben: Stop what? Gwil: You're talking about me in Morse Code. Joke's on you because I know Morse Code. Ha! Ben: Yeah, that's what we're doing in our very limited free time, and with our very limited budget. We went out and got a nanny, and we went out and took a class on a very outmoded, very unnecessary, form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. Joe: *smiles into camera with pride* Yep. That's exactly what we did!
Roger: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyoncé. Freddie: I'm Beyoncé, always.
Rami: *points at Lucy's stomach* Oh yeah, pregnant! Lucy: Right here, little Roger Taylor! Rami: Nope. I told you I don't like that joke!
Roger: A couple years ago, my family went on a safari in Africa, and my cousin, Mufasa, was trampled to death by a pack of wild wildebeests... and we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened. Freddie: Do you want to talk about it more? Roger: It would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell the whole story.
Rogerina: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby and named it Suri, and then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they had a baby and they named it Shiloh, and both babies are amazing! Brian: Great! What's new with you? Rogerina: I just told you!
Lucy: Who are you faxing so early in the morning? Ben: Oh, um, kinda hard to explain. *1 minute later* Ben: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Gwil's stationery. So from time to time, I send Gwil faxes... from himself... from the future. Gwil: *recieves fax from future Gwil as Ben narrates fax* Ben: "Gwil, at 8 am today, someone will poison the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, future Gwil." Gwil: *spots Rami carrying a coffee mug* NOOOOOO *slaps mug out of Rami's hands* Rami: *glares at Gwil in annoyance*
*Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute have entered the chat*
