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Roger Meddows Taylor majored in Biology, not Dentistry.
The misadventures of Roger, the biologist start now.
Roger, the biologist: You know, the indigenous species in Canada can be real aggressive eh, so it's important to take all necessary precautions when approaching. Roger, blaring an airhorn at a Canadian goose: geT FUCKED
Roger, the biologist: Do you know how many bones the human body has? It's 206. We start with 369 when we're babies but they fuse. Wouldn't you want to go back? Have as many bones as a baby? What if I could help you? Brian, leaning forward slowly: Hi, yeah. What the actual, literal, GENUINE fuck does this mean?
John: I heard some idiot tried to fight a squid at the docks Roger, the biologist: *covered in ink* maybe the squid was being a dick
Brian: Why aren't koalas considered bears? Roger, the biologist: Because they're marsupials Brian: they don't have the koalafic-what?
Brian: Deacy, why are you so weird? John: We're sitting with a guy who knows the average amount of corn on a cob- Roger, the biologist: 83 John: And I'm the weird one?
Brian: Do you think that mosquitoes dare their friends to bite someone with bug spray on? Roger, the biologist: No, because mosquitoes don't have the mind to be able to communicate in such complex ways John: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were the the world's top mosquito expert. Excuse me.
Roger, the biologist: So an octopus can change its color to mimic its surroundings. When octopuses do this it's called- Freddie: An octo-lie Roger, the biologist: Freddie: Roger, the biologist: Metachrosis... Freddie: Freddie: Mocktopus
Freddie: How do I determine the gender of my nipples? Brian and John: What the fu- Roger, the biologist: what an excellent question
Freddie: Is Roger okay? John: yeah, he's lying in the flower bed. It's probably the best place for him right now Roger, the biologist, laying facedown: THIS DIRT TASTES LIKE DIRT
Roger, the biologist: Roses are red Roger, the biologist: Violets are blue Roger, the biologist: Sunflowers are yellow Roger, the biologist: I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just plant facts, sorry.
*While skipping rocks* Roger, the biologist: Take that you fucking lake
Roger, the biologist: Honestly, fuck viruses. They're not even alive, they're just strands of punk DNA that go around fucking up us normal and god fearing organisms. You don't even have a nucleus you bacteriophage looking horizontally transmitting RNA clump. Freddie: Sounds like somebody has the sniffles.
Roger, the biologist: Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW Brian: What happened? Roger, the biologist: I tried to let go of anger, and threw a rock into my foot. Freddie: Then, he got more angry and kicked the rock with his other foot Brian: *pointing to the tissue in John's nostril* And what happened to you? John: Oh, I laughed so hard, I burst a blood vessel in my nose! It's fine!
*Roger, the biologist and Brian are watching a thunderstorm* Brian: *watching the storm* Roger, the biologist: *watching Brian from behind the couch* Brian, whispering: Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me... Roger the biologist: *jumps up from behind the couch* GALILEO Brian: *falls off the couch screaming*
Brian: Alcohol is toxic Roger, the Biologist: This is earth, everything is toxic
Roger, the Biologist: If you've got any relevant question, just ask Brian: If a shark and a bear had a fight, who would win? Roger, the Biologist: If you're got any relevant questions, just ask. Roger, the Biologist: And if it's on dry land, I'd bet on the bear
