My wrist is aching from writing. I write every night, but not always on childrens books. No I write notes, letters of sorts I suppose. I never know if they will turn out long or short, sometimes its a paragraph or sometimes simply two words.
Some nights I know there will be tears on the paper, other times im ecstatic; giddy over something that happened during the day. I have countless of them, theyre all stacked in a box under my bed. A bit childish im aware. This whole thing is, really.
Writing love letters and hiding them under my bed, never to be found, and never to be sent. What 47 year old adult writes love letters? I guess I do. To a man whom I adore, who I have loved for atleast the last five years. If not ever since this whole thing begun.
I never thought id really fall for him, but I guess somewhere along the teasing and joking around Id seen just how amazing he truly was, and along the road, how much I was utterly in love with him. Sometimes I cry, because its all so overwhelming, so stupid and how could I fall for a man who isnt gay and is already in a relationship. It really hurts. Knowing he will never love me back, not the first time for that to happen either.
Yet. When he smiles at me in that way, looks at me like that. I melt, I forget everything else and focus on that, overthink every single thing and in the end, love him more. I would never have believed anybody if they told me id be this enamored by him, his every move, word, thought, simply his way of being.
Ive been in love like this before, they never end well. The worst part is, this is a thousand times stronger. I am absolutely and utterly in love with Simon Cowell.
But he'll never know, or in the very least I wont tell him, not personally. I wont be able to even if I wanted to. So whoever finds these, please dont show him. I dont want him to be disgusted by the camp comedian who apparently really was gay. I dont know if thats what he would think, or if he would simply not care. I dont know if he would hate me. I dont know if all those glances and touches really did mean something, if I hadnt just been over thinking it all. And I guess I never really will.
Whoever finds these, will you please burn them. Im glad I had kept them around, but now it doesnt matter anymore.
And if by some unfortunate chance youre reading this Si. Im sorry. I love you and I am so sorry. I know I promised. Please forgive me. Please.
- Ever the camp comedian who loved to tease his Simon and never truly understood love. David Edward Williams.
Simon was on the floor on his knees, bent over the many scattered notes, and he cried.
I love you too David, you fucking fool..
(lmao this suuucks, but well its something ig, feedback is always wanted lmao hope i didnt hurt anybody too much but eeh i doubt it, at best i prolly hurt yall w the bad af writing but im just tryna give damon content even if its angst cause uughhh theres nothing new /: )
